My FIRST POEM!.any good?

[Svetlana]

DIFFERENT:

As I take my first breath
Into the world before me,
I think of one thing only, and thats if i'am different?
I think about about it as i loook around, and what i realize is that everyone around me is more
different than i could of imagined.


If you all could judge me on how i did on this poem that would be great. thanks =]

[Setsuka]

If you had felt that something moved you to write this...the meaning is all it should tell. I feel it's more of a quote than a poem...you should find words with meaning that would create rhythm but not misdirect this meaning.

The Silence writes more poetry than I...so maybe he can be more clear. Though he for example writes poetry that is saddening and lost. May you continue what you may have discovered. Write with you feelings...it really helps I think.

[Svetlana]

If you had felt that something moved you to write this...the meaning is all it should tell. I feel it's more of a quote than a poem...you should find words with meaning that would create rhythm but not misdirect this meaning.

The Silence writes more poetry than I...so maybe he can be more clear. Though he for example writes poetry that is saddening and lost. May you continue what you may have discovered. Write with you feelings...it really helps I think.


THanks, and i wrote this poem yesturday all alone when i didnt have eneything to do, i was just bored soo for some reason i started writing and i wrote it in like 3 minutes. =]

[The Silence]

There is absolutely nothing wrong I feel with this writing. I wouldn't call it poem though. You said you wrote it when boredom set in...this is a good example of using you inner most thoughts to create a writing of your own design. It has the mind of your thoughts moreover...for those to read and hold a part of yourself.

For example..."What am I then if nothing but the ghost of my own shadow?"

Though when first read it means nothing...but when thought over one can translate its meaning as I would have done with yours. Though yours is easier to decipher than mine...it is like a mind game to me.

[Svetlana]

There is absolutely nothing wrong I feel with this writing. I wouldn't call it poem though. You said you wrote it when boredom set in...this is a good example of using you inner most thoughts to create a writing of your own design. It has the mind of your thoughts moreover...for those to read and hold a part of yourself.

For example..."What am I then if nothing but the ghost of my own shadow?"

Though when first read it means nothing...but when thought over one can translate its meaning as I would have done with yours. Though yours is easier to decipher than mine...it is like a mind game to me.


COOOl.. i like that little quote, is little but it says alot.! =] thanx

[ironwood]

Svetlana,
Keep writing. Good flow will come with practice. Don't be too concerned with style. Eventually you will have one all your own. I don't read much poetry but I like to write it. When I am depressed, sometimes I write stuff to cheer me up. When I get a block, I draw stick figures.

[Svetlana]

Svetlana,
Keep writing. Good flow will come with practice. Don't be too concerned with style. Eventually you will have one all your own. I don't read much poetry but I like to write it. When I am depressed, sometimes I write stuff to cheer me up. When I get a block, I draw stick figures.



lol thats kool. and thankz