How to tell if one is cursed?

[medicvet]

I asked this in the other thread, but didn't get a response, so thought that maybe if I put it in a new thread someone might see it and give me an answer or let me know.

I have one more question for pagans/wiccans/etc, if that is okay.

Is it possible to BE cursed by someone else, and if so, how does one find out and go about removing the curse? Is there anyone here that would know how to remove a curse...like what kind of ceremoney to go through, and if I have to do it myself since I am definitely new to all this, or could someone do it for me, and if so, how do I go about asking someone to do that for me, and do I have to pay for it because I really am beginning to seriously believe that I might be cursed.

[JCL]

Exorcism?? Im not sure but shouldnt this go in paranormal?? Also yes it is possbile to be cursed by someone although my wiccans believe in not doing it as it comes back 3 fold. Karma if you will. Why do you contact a psychic around you and ask. Although make sure its not a fraud first. Lol and in life everythign has a price so I would say yes youll ahve to pay/

[medicvet]

I live in the sticks of Oklahoma in the middle of the bible belt..where on earth would I find a psychic? And no, I won't call one of those 'hotline numbers', lol. If they are so psychic, they should know MY number. ;)

[JCL]

No I didnt mean call a hotline I meant look for one around you. Anyways dont feel bad I live in the bible belt also in Alabama, so dont worry about it. But I moving to the boarder of florida in a week so itll be better.

Best case scenario go here: occultforums.com and ask. Although i would say meditate and focus energy good energy on yourself... It works sometimes... I hear.. Goodluck

[medicvet]

thanks. Not sure how to look but will check out that website you gave me.

[Philosopher Foelhe]

I'm not sure I can give a definitive answer, but there's plenty of pagan websites out there with spells on them, and a lot of those sites do have some spells of protection and of warding off curses. That'd be where I'd start, if I were you.

Even if you don't want to do a spell, you can probably just look for herbs and symbols tied into protection from hexes. Pick up some scented candles and anything else that seems to be a common thread, and run with it.

Really, a lot of paganism is learning the basics and then building on them in your own particular way. I'd suggest grabbing a book on herbology - just my suggestion, since herbology is something I've always been comfortable with. That'll give you a good start for warding off hexes, and you'll have a solid basis if you want to look into something else.

[JCL]

When yall helped me when my room was haunted I wen o my kitchen and looked at the spices we had then looked up their uses on google and then burned the ones for goodluck protection banishing ect all together and everything has been fine.

[Philosopher Foelhe]

Excellent. Glad we could help.

[JCL]

I summoned my inner witch.

[Traveler]

Exorcism?? Im not sure but shouldnt this go in paranormal?? Also yes it is possbile to be cursed by someone although my wiccans believe in not doing it as it comes back 3 fold. Karma if you will. Why do you contact a psychic around you and ask. Although make sure its not a fraud first. Lol and in life everythign has a price so I would say yes youll ahve to pay/

This post is full of contradictions.

You claim to be Catholic and Christian, as such Christ is supposed to be your redeemer and Lord. and through Christ you are supposed to have access to God the Father and his power through the gifts of the Holy Spirit.

Yet you talk about your wiccans, you are telling someone to consult a spirit medium with a familiar spirit.

You claim to serve the God of Heaven but you direct the attention of the people to the God of this world.

If you do represent the Catholics then all I can say is that God has departed from them and Christ is not to be found amongst them.

[JCL]

Ok mother fuck dont start bashing catholics. Also from the start I have said Im catholic but I also beleive in the supernatural. Second off I "serve" NOONE.

SO FUCK U

Also how is it full of contradictions??

[Traveler]

Ok mother fuck dont start bashing catholics. Also from the start I have said Im catholic but I also beleive in the supernatural. Second off I "serve" NOONE.

SO FUCK U

Also how is it full of contradictions??

I have just pointed out all the contradictions.

You have also said well that you serve no one, not even Christ so where does the Christian part come in?

I have also experianced the supernatural, but definatly not where you are looking for it.

[JCL]

I follow Jesus and support him and believe him. But I will bow and serve noone, Im my own master noone controls me. I hate authority

[Traveler]

I follow Jesus and support him and believe him. But I will bow and serve noone, Im my own master noone controls me. I hate authority

If you support Jesus then why are you trying to sell your soul to satan for his toys instead of seeking God for his spiritual gifts.

I am sure that satan also believes in Jesus but thats not helping him any, is it?

[JCL]

I was jusat saying that I would sell my soul to satan for the power todo good. Also dont you think if i were to sell my soul I would get something so I could fight him with... Comeon think about it. You could make a deal for something and then learn to use it in a way he hadnt thought and then defeat him with it. ever think of that?? No get oof your high horse, stop judging ppl, and stop hi jacking threads.

[Philosopher Foelhe]

JCL - I still say selling your soul is a bad idea.

Traveler - you're trying to play this as JCL acting Christian, but really wanting to worship Satan, which isn't the case. You're too divisive - you see only the two extremes, and if something doesn't fit on your side, it must be dramatically opposed.

Now, could we not drag this argument into multiple threads, please? This thread is for discussing how to break pagan hexes, NOT about the ethics of soul-selling. Take it to another room, gentlemen.

[JCL]

Ok Im sorry selling my soul is a bad idea. I guess I would only do it to save a loved one...Im sorry, I like debating and making ppl mad. I apologize.

[Traveler]

I was jusat saying that I would sell my soul to satan for the power todo good. Also dont you think if i were to sell my soul I would get something so I could fight him with... Comeon think about it. You could make a deal for something and then learn to use it in a way he hadnt thought and then defeat him with it. ever think of that?? No get oof your high horse, stop judging ppl, and stop hi jacking threads.

The power to rip up satan and tear down strongholds in heavenly places is already available through Christ.

What entered your mind to think that satan would honor his end of the bargin. He is the devil after all. You try to use his power against him he will simply take his power back and set you up for the kill.

[Philosopher Foelhe]

Traveler. Another. Thread. Please.

Any other posts on this thread, about the soul-selling topic, will be deleted. Sorry, but this isn't the place, and medicvet still has a question she wants answered.

Edit: You were probably typing your post when I posted, so apologies about the gruffness. Now let's move on out.

[Cherisa]

This thread is for discussing how to break pagan hexes, NOT about the ethics of soul-selling. Take it to another room, gentlemen.

ethics of soul selling..lol

[medicvet]

You know one thing I have noticed is that I used to burn a lot more scented candles in my old place, but it had central ac, and here I have a bunch of ceiling fans, so I don't get the scent, and tend not to burn as many..but I would light candles for others, or for something I wanted to pray for..not as an actual 'here is a candle God pay attention' kind of thing, but more of a when I see the flame to remind me to pray kind of thing, but I haven't done a lot of that recently.

Also, I do think that it would be a good idea to get some incense..and some sage..and look into herbs and things myself.

I don't know if I am cursed, or if I was a real bitch in a former life and karma is coming back to me..or if my fears are attracting the negativity..either way, I want to take action to end this because I am frankly tired of it. I actually had a bank account I had some months ago close their account on me because I was, in their exact words on paper 'too complicated'. NOt that I had too much overdrawn shit or bounced checks, but that I was 'too complicated'. I shit you not.

I am beginning to wonder if I draw this to me, and if I do, how to NOT do so. I have tried meditating, but can't do that worth shit because I cannot NOT think about things..and when I try to think of nothing is when all the things I worry about will pop in my head.

Heck, the Indian doc I saw the other day gave me some pretty heavy duty meds to help me sleep, and all they have done is calm me down a very little bit. I am not manic..I am panicked.

I do appreciate the good vibes I can feel coming my way tho...I can actually feel them..otherwise that missing car key never would have shown up if not for others prayers and good vibes towards me, and I am grateful.

Tomorrow I hope will be a good day..going to go to the lake with my daughter and her bf and my son, and swim and bbq a bit, and am looking forward to it..she goes back to college on Monday, and takes my jeep with her, and I gave her a time frame during which even if her car isn't ready by then, she has to give the jeep back..sixty days tops.

I think it might actually be good for me..My folks will be willing to take me to docs appts and shopping and shit, and I have been having 'sober' blackouts where I go driving and then I end up somewhere and don't remember the drive..just remember leaving my house and not sure why and then where I end up, and it has been freaking me out a bit..my shrink says it sounds like a psychotic episode, possibly because I havent' been able to sleep.

I see him again on next Wed, and if I haven't improved any, they might get me a really neat jacket that buttons in the back and a room I can play pinball with my own body in. :whacky:

Anyway, I gotta figure out where to get some sage..I think that would help..don't know why..but just feel it would.

[Harry61]

Here is something I found in my files. I can't sleep either so I decided to clean my office while checking posts and I actually found this in my desk drawer while I had your post open. I have no idea where I even got it, but it is on a printed slip of paper so I think I may have gotten it from a book I bought last year.

SPELL TO TURN YOUR LUCK AROUND

You will need

A yellow candle
A red candle
A blue candle
A green candle

Light the yellow candle and place in in the easternmost part of your living room. Light the red one and set it in the south, the blue one in the westm and the green on in the north. Stand in the center of the room, facing east. Geel the positive energy of the four directions flowing toward you and filling you with hope. Turn slowly in a clockwise directions three ties, to turn your luck around. When you've finished, extinguish the candles and thank the cosmos for increasing your good luck.

That's all. I can probably get you some sage too. I use it sometimes. It seems that I use it more in the winter time when the house is closed up and I need a pick me up, other than beer of course. I will PM you when I find it. I could have bought cases of the stuff in South Dakota!

[ironwood]

It is easy to exorcise the Devil.
Make him do twenty pushups and 30 jumping jacks. Then have him run three laps around the yard. And make sure you use spell check. The wiccapedia has lots of resourses.
*********************
No offense intended. Now for the real stuff:

If someone puts a curse on me it will backfire on to the curser. You have to have faith in a curse for it to harm you. Among the Pagans in Southern Africa there is a lot of faith in the Sangomas. They are both revered and feared. The same is true for the Curandero/a of Latin America. The people believe in their powers otherwise they would be restricted to just the herbal aspect of their trade.

[JCL]

Channel Your Inner Witch>

I Swear It Worked For Me!

[medicvet]

Here is something I found in my files. I can't sleep either so I decided to clean my office while checking posts and I actually found this in my desk drawer while I had your post open. I have no idea where I even got it, but it is on a printed slip of paper so I think I may have gotten it from a book I bought last year.

SPELL TO TURN YOUR LUCK AROUND

You will need

A yellow candle
A red candle
A blue candle
A green candle

Light the yellow candle and place in in the easternmost part of your living room. Light the red one and set it in the south, the blue one in the westm and the green on in the north. Stand in the center of the room, facing east. Geel the positive energy of the four directions flowing toward you and filling you with hope. Turn slowly in a clockwise directions three ties, to turn your luck around. When you've finished, extinguish the candles and thank the cosmos for increasing your good luck.

That's all. I can probably get you some sage too. I use it sometimes. It seems that I use it more in the winter time when the house is closed up and I need a pick me up, other than beer of course. I will PM you when I find it. I could have bought cases of the stuff in South Dakota!

thank you. dangit, I am broke, but as soon as possible will get these candles..my gut is telling me that this is what will work and it what it will take to end my 'spell' of bad luck, whether or not it was sent to me deliberately in the form of a curse. I will get the candles as soon as I can afford to, and wil do exactly what you have instructed. I have a good vibe on this, and want to do it as soon as i can.

[medicvet]

Ever call suicide hotline and they put you on hold? I went to the Indian Doctor today...the one doctor I thought I could trust. First of all, I have not been sleeping hardly at all..and I'm not even drinking coffee or caffeinated pop. Finally last night I said fuckit and bought a large bottle of wine and damn near finished the entire gallon...so I slept from roughly 7:30 am to 12:30pm...the most I have slept in a single stretch in weeks. So I was supposed to see the doc at 3pm, but I had a panic attack when I tried to leave the house, and had to go back in and shut the door...couldn't manage to leave until three...I called the Indian hospital and yes the doc said he would wait until I got there even though they usually close at four..we got there at 8 minutes after. I told him that I had been actively thinking of ways to kill myself..if I had my jeep then I would use that, but gave it to my daughter since her car isn't running and is in the shop to take to college since it had started..NSU..about two hours north of me. If there was a train that ran near here I would step in front of it. If there was a tall building I would jump off it. If I had a gun in my possession I would use it. I told the psychiatrist this, and his response was to up the dose of one of my meds. He said that I 'looked better' than my visit last week. LOOKED BETTER? I had been pulling my hair out by the roots, then took scissors to it, and when my mom saw the result she took me to a salon, and now it actually looks decent..very short, but decent. I donated my ponytail to that cause ...brought it with me.

So I have an appt with the VA in Muskogee Friday. But I called the ward, and they said while there are beds available now, there is no gauruntee there will be any by Friday, and I would rather die than go to OKC inpatient becaus that place is a hellhole..I was there last year for five days. It is a dumping ground. Cops take people there instead of to jail if they are vets, and it is a combo 'detox' and 'psych' facility. When I left, they were talking about separating the two, because there was no help...I didn't even see a doctor until I begged to and he then handed me my discharge papers..they needed that bed.

At least when I went to Muskogee VA in the spring, it wasn't too bad. They did say they were going to be going through some policy changes, and that was in March when I was in last, and this is August, so I am afraid.

I swear I feel like I am either cursed or being used as a guinea pig, like in the Tuskegee experiments, which as some of you may recall was a VA project, and didn't end until almost 1980 finally. I am thinking that if they can get me to crack and then kill myself then they won't have to deal with me anymore, and won't have to give me my pension.

I know that sounds crazy, but I AM CRAZY. But tell me, why else would all this be happening.

I could use some prayer and lots of it. I don't know whether to wait until Friday or to just go tonight and be an 'er' admission..

[Traveler]

You are looking for help from a state system that can't actually provide it.

It may be an idea to forget about the hex's. What has happened is that you have had quite a few shocks in life that you are trying to come to grips with while discovering that the world is a very cold uncaring place where cooperate profits are concerned. Also the doctors have no answer and do not actually know what to do with you. They are probably just trying to make you comfortable and hope you just snap out of it. The fact is they have no fix for this.

It may be an idea to try and not surround yourself with the problem. Try and take a walk to the nicest park in your area and just relax. The only one that is able to fix you is you. Take a seat in the shade and do some cloud watching. Enjoy the flowers and the grass, push the man made garbage from your mind and try to enjoy a bit of nature just for what it is. Rest in it. If you can see some small animals or birds nearby then just enjoy them.

The problems in life are just problems and everybody has them. Don’t give them more attention than they deserve. If things work out well and good, if thy don’t then too bad, what’s the worst that can happen. Some guy whining that they want more money, leave them to whine a little longer until you actually have it. Worrying over it is pointless. You’ve been around long enough to know that provisions always come from somewhere. Why would things change now?

[PrismaticSpring]

http://www.epluribusmedia.org/features/20060206PTSD_intro.html

Blaming the Veteran: The Politics of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) became part of the American vocabulary after the Vietnam War as its affects on veterans became widely publicized. Now, a new generation of American veterans are again victims of PTSD. This series explores the impact of politics on the funding, diagnosis and treatment of veterans suffering from PTSD. It examines the propaganda used to justify a reduction in benefits to veterans with PTSD and the effort to redirect blame for the ravages of war to the soldiers themselves.

Part I: Stacking the Deck - With trillion dollar estimates for the Iraq war, the Administration looks to cut costs, eyeing treatment for the returning PTSD wounded veterans.

Part II: Ration & Redefine - Redefining PTSD and substance abuse as moral/spiritual failings opens the door to cheaper unregulated, unlicensed faith-based "treatments."

Part III: Malign & Slime - Propaganda is used to stigmatize veterans seeking help, reduce benefits to veterans with PTSD and to blame the soldiers for their own illness.

PTSD Resources | About the Authors

PTSD Resources
if you go to the site above you can just click on the following to access the links.

Soldier's Heart
PTSD Education Page

Infinity Publishing
Military Veterans PTSD Reference Manual - comprehensive online book

National Center for PTSD
Veterans with PTSD Fact Sheet
Managing Stress Fact Sheet
The Iraq War Clinician Guide, 2nd Volume

MSN Groups
PTSD - Iraq Discussion Forum
PTSD Support Group for Family Members
Aftermath of War - Coping with PTSD Forum

THRIVEnet
Guide to Listening to War Veterans for Family Members

Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America (IAVA)
Resources for Vets - formerly Operation Truth

Department of Veterans Affairs (VA)
Seamless Transition - resources for OEF and OIF vets
PTSD Counseling Centers

Vietnam Veterans of America
PTSD Benefits Guide

Veterans for Common Sense
PTSD Resources Page

Kirt Love - Gulf War Veteran and Advocate
GulfLink
Kirt's Biography
e-mail Address

National Gulf War Resource Center
Self Help Guide for Post Traumatic Stress

US Marine Corps
Leaders Guide for Managing Marines in Distress Illona one of the co-writers has a book called

Moving a Nation to Care about helping vets with
PSTD
http://www.epluribusmedia.org/features/2006/20061115_manchurian_veterns_p1.html

The Manchurian Veterans

by Jeff Huber

Commander Jeff Huber, U.S. Navy (Retired) was operations officer of a naval air wing and an aircraft carrier, and he commanded an E-2C Hawkeye aircraft squadron. His satires and analyses of military and foreign policy affairs have appeared in Proceedings, The Navy, Jane's Fighting Ships, and other print periodicals. Some of his essays have been required
student reading at the U.S. Naval War College, where he received a master's degree in national security studies in 1995. Jeff is a contributing editor with ePluribus Media and his commentaries on the current strategic situation are featured at Daily Kos, Booman Tribune, My Left Wing and Pen and Sword.

_ePluribus Media contributors and fact checkers for this article: testvet, kfred, silence, defuning, cyrusdugger, greyhawk, cho and roxy

[PrismaticSpring]

It posted okay! I usally just lurk at most sites and just found Armageddononline through a link from libertyforum. I was so moved by your post, I was never in the military but my father was and I have struggled with PTSD for decades. Not on meds now but Paxil and benzodiazaphines helped quite a bit, other anti-depressants not so much. Maybe your psychiatrist could try some different meds for you?

Ilona Meager wrote a book on PTSD and other problems of veterans called MOVING A NATION TO CARE. America treated the Vietnam Vets terribly mostly by ignoring them and those that were pro-war esp. owed more than that to our veterans. Times have changed and Daily Kos, Democratic Underground, Epluribus Media and My Left Wing often have articles on the struggles of veterans and the shameful way they are being treated and working for more and better Veterans Adminstration programs and funding.

I am a left wing Christian and don't attend church anymore but a few churches do care about people in their community and you might want to contact ministers to see if they offer pastoral counseling. A Unitarian church that I used to attend had a minister who was a former Catholic priest who was very compassionate. I hope you find peace of mind and are able to sleep, I used to have a terrible problem with that also. Sometimes New Age Music or Gregorian chants can help. There is free music online if you notice most search engines have and AUDIO as well as IMAGES and you can download to RealPlayer or WindowsMedia if you have speakers. it is relaxing watching gentle hula dancers or tai chi videos with relaxing music at YouTube - I also watch gymnastic vids there. I have to wait a while since I only have dial-up so I try to chose those vids that are only a minute or so - Though there is one tai chi master who has 5 minute vids with very relaxing music and the ocean or other nature background and though it takes 40 minutes or so to load is worth it. If you download free music or vids you only have to wait while you download 30 to 40 minutes but then later you can just click and watch as many times as you like.

I do care and will pray for you. Some of my favorite Christian music is very old fashioned, I was lucky enough to find a 1940Episcopal hymnal which I read a lot. There is a cyberhymnal online and the words of the old fashioned music is more uplifting than some modern hymns and there is instrumental organ music on the cyberhymnal site.

Best wishes and God Bless,

Prismatic Spring

[PrismaticSpring]

I have enjoyed you posts too, Traveler, and I am praying about your job situation. I hope you find another job right away that will meet your needs. God bless.

___________________________
This, this is Christ the King
Whom shepherds guard and
And angels sing
.................................................. ...........................

THREE KINGS OF ORIENT
Joyously

JOHN HENRY HOPKINS 1857

We three kings of Orient are
Bearing gifts we traverse afar
Field and fountain
Moor and mountain
Following yonder star.

Gaspard

Born a King on Bethlehem’s plain
Gold I bring to crown him again
King forever, Ceasing never
Over us all to reign

Melchoir

Frankincense to offer have I
Incense owns a Deity nigh
Prayer and praising
All men praising
Worship him, god on high.

Balthazar

Myrrh is mine
Its bitter perfume
Breathes a life of gathering gloom
Sorrowing, sighing, bleeding, dying
Sealed in the stone cold tomb

Glorious now behold him arise
King and God and Sacrifice
Heaven sings Alleluia
Alleluia the earth replies

Refrain after each stanza

O star of wonder, star of night
Star with royal beauty bright
Westward leading,
Still proceeding
Guide us to thy perfect light. Amen.

[PrismaticSpring]

http://www.hermes-press.com/Perennial_Tradition/esoteric_christianity.htm

hermes-press is very good politics and art and religion and gives some options of fighting the bush/cheney cabal through activism and moral philosophy and how powerful the truth is - that is why the war profiteering corporations bought the media but the more Americans who know what is going on, the more active resistence their will be for the pathocrats plans.

Someone on Freedom Crows Nest. com wrote that what they have planned and what will be done are two different things.

MedicVet, I hope you are doing better. I am praying for the white light mandolara protection of Jesus' love and light to surround and comfort you with the gifts of the Holy Spirit/Comforter.

Traveler gives some good advice on relaxing and enjoying life and nature. It is hard to let go sometimes. Many of the older hymns don't dwell on evil but do have a sentence or two asking for protection which is powerful, I think.

Doing some light physical exercise like Tai Chi is relaxing too and might help you sleep. This is a very good video with calming oriental music near the ocean shore, about half way through he is on a cliff overlooking the ocean so it is calming watching or imitating the movements, the music and the beautiful calmly rolling ocean waves.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nprZhmfpH40

From: taichitsao
Visit http://www.taichihealthways... ... Visit http://www.taichihealthways.com for more videos of Master Jesse Tsao on Yang, Chen, Wu, Sun tai chi tyle and Tai Chi sword, broadsword, qigong (Chi gong)for internal energy healing, bio-energy, Shaolin and Wudang Kung-fu martial arts. Tai Chi Health Ways host annual workshop with the top masters. See photos or videos of Chen Zhenglei, Li Deyin, Zhu Tiancai, Chen Xiaowang, Dan Lee, Su Zifang, Abraham Liu ...Traditional Yang Style is the most popular Tai Chi routine today. Enjoy this preview, a part of Master Jesse Tsao's instructional DV

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'd say the master wear what he wishes, haha. :P
Daunting energy...

~~~
Very good video. Very informative, especially for someone who's self studying like me.

Although I find it very unnerving that Master Tsao is teaching so near to the cliff.

~~
Seeing this man stand on one leg just makes my moulth drop... not many people I have seen standing like that. This guy oozes energy all around him.... much I have to learn...

~~~~~

Excellent demonstration of Yang style Long Form. Every branch of the Yang school has differing nuances, but all the cardinal principles of tai chi are well-demonstrated here.

Thank you, Master Tsao very informative and serene. Most inspiring/

Tyra

Master Tsao has several videos, some are more of the marital art fighting bu t this is my favorite, very calming and meditative. Most are about 5 minutes play time which means I have to wait 45 minutes or more for it to load but if you go take a shower or make a meal, it isn't too bad.

[medicvet]

Hon, thank you for the information, and for caring. I had not been getting more than three hours sleep at a time max, and it was really starting to affect me in a bad way. I ended up going to the VA hospital in Muskogee...got there wednesday night feeling pretty suicidal. I was actually starting to run through ways to doit, and knew enough to know that is not a good thing. So my Dad ddove me to the VA hospital and i checked myself in. I was right in that things had changed since my last admission, and not for the better. I was thre until the following Wednesday afternoon. I asked to see the doctor, and told him that i was no longer suicidal, and even though my sleep patterns were really skewed, i did sleep for five hours sleep twice when there, so there was some progress, and I just knew if I sayed there any longer I would get worse, because there were so many changes thre that one person would say okay I can paint by numbers, and another would take the paintbrush away saying it could be dangerous, and that wasn't good becaause my OCD was acting up bigtime, and rather than pick at myself, I wanted to paint by numbers to keep my hands busy, since I had no access to a computer, and had nothing to keep my hands busy. When I told the doc I was no longer suicidal, they began to do the paperwork to discharge me, and I got home Wed afternoon. I did go the dental clinic because my tooth had been hurting me and found out that it was cracked down the middle, probably because as another symptom of my OCD, I grind my jaw, and can't help myself,particularly at night, and when I do will wake up with splitting headaches.

I am going back to the dental clinici today, where they are going to pull that cracked tooth, because the dentist said there is no saving it, and also he will work on one of my three fillings I need. After I get all my dental work done, which includes the removal of that tooth, three fillings done, and getting some partials for my right side, I am going to be referred to a civilian TMJ specialist, and hopefully they will do more than just give me a night card, they wil reset and wire my jaw shut for a while, which would actually be more than fine b me,b becaue that would mean that allmy nutrition would come through a straw, and lord knows i could stand to lose some weight, and that would be one way to do it, lol!

Anyway, although my tooth pains me some, I don't want to take toomany of the hyrdorcone's, first of all because they grog me out, and secondly,because i want to make sure I have enough left for after the surgery. I will be taking some ativan before I go in to see the dentist fo my nerves, however..having a panic disorder problem and going to the dentist are normally things that donot mix, lol'!!

The dentis is a cool one; he removed on of my teeth before, and he talked me throuh it and told me that if it was too much for me to let him know and we could stop for a while, but I didn't ask hat because I just wanted it to be over with, and it wasn't too bad. This other tooth worrys me thought because thre ismore to it since there is more of the tooth t9 remove, but I am hoping I can beear itl

Would appreciate any prayers that my procedure runs smoothly, and is as painless as possible, given the circumstances. The VA doesn't have nitrous, which I wisht they did, so I plan on taking my hydrocodone shortly before the tooth pulling so at least if it is really painful, then I will feel the pain, but it will be from somehere down there as my body and mind are in a better zone,so to speak.

And on another completely different note, i am going to take my hospital records from Baltimore, and from my very recent stay at Muskogee, and get a statement from the indian doctor, having him say that he is of the opinion that my permanent and not likely to ever improve. I then keeep my fingers crossed that my disability goes from temporary to permanent, for two reasons. first of all, so i don't have that 'sword of damocles' constantly hanging ovrt my head, which really adds to my stress levels, and secondly,, because if i am permanent, my kids get a monthly cash shettlement of almot 800 dollars a month to help them with living expenses.

Last time I tried to make it permanent, threy me see a C&P (comensation and pension) civilian examiner in Tulsa, and I had my aprents drive my car, because i know the appointment was important, and I didn't want to be late or miss it because of having a panic attack and having to pull over to the side of the road, and look for a convienience store I could go around, which happens to me sometimes.

The C&P examiner who was a total stranger I had never seen before, said that it was her opinion to REDUCE my benefits, to 50% from 100%. It took statments from my parents and adult daughter, and records from my most recentl hospitaliation, and a statement from the Indian doctor that it was his opinion that I met all the criteriea for remaining 100%. Well, I havea good DAV rep (Disabled American Veteranas) who managed to keep it at the 100%, but he said that they were going to continue to evaluated me every other year, then every three years, until after aroune approxiimately a decade they would make it permanent. Hell, by that time my kids would be out of college, and they wouldn't be able to get the stipend. Also, I don't think I can last ten years of uncertainty withough having a total nervous breakdown that I might not come out of eventually.

So I am going to give it another shot to have my disability made permanent. PLEASE pray that things go well and i get it. The same indian doctor that said that i was not anywhere fit enough to considered only50% has said he would be willing to write anothe statement that it is his opinion that my disbility is permanent, and my DAV rep said that any letter from a doctor, particularly a civlian one, would carry a lot of weight, so I am keeping my fingers and even toes crossed. I know that once the paperwork is turned it that it will be months before they even get aorund to my case, since they are backlogged, but I can wait, I just will be a nervouse wreck until I know what thee outcomne is.

I am sorry I have rambled on too much, and hope you forgive me. I do feel a bit better having expressed all my worries and concerns so they will stop spinning around in my head without any respite, and now I feel drained, and yet I mean that in a good way.

[PrismaticSpring]

:prayer: I pray directly and indirectly using hymns that I read or listen to and lift up people and events that I am praying for.

I have had many of the same problems you have including panic disorder and dental problems. If they take way too long or deny your disability, you can write and call and keep bugging your Senators and Representatives but don't do it until you have gone through all the paperwork unless you absolutely have to.

If you have pain with having your teeth removed, be sure to ask about a palate shot of novacaine. I absolutely had to have several palate shots to stand having teeth removed and bug them for pain pills if you need them. I am a shy person but finally my philosophy was to be the squeaky wheel but only when I really, really needed to have something.

I am glad you are doing better and have family who cares about you and a way to get to appointments.

I am so tired now so will write more later but wanted to let you know that I have been and will continue to pray for your needs. Check out the Gratefulness.com site, it is really calm and beautifully spiritual.

[medicvet]

I am sorry to hear of how tired you are, and will be praying for you that the Lord gives you rest and peace.

My dentist was wonderful. The tooth extraction was very quick, and he talked me through the whole procedure, which helped enormously. I was given painkillers..hydrocodone, and they have helped too..I just have to remember not to take any of my benzo's with them, but have been told I can substitute and take benadryl with them, and that has helped with my panic disorder.

My next dentist appt is the 12th of September, and I will have two more fillings done (they did one front filling along with the extraction) and the other two fillings are also in the front, and they are doing them tooth colored so they look natural. After that they will be fitting me for partials as I have virtually no back teeth left at all on my left side.

What has mostly been bothering me is the fact that when my mouth has to remain open for any length of time, it really causes my tmj to act up. After the partials, they will fit a 'splint' for me, and if that doesn't do the job, they will be referring me to a civilian tmj specialist. I am actually hoping that it won't do the job, because then they will wire my jaw shut and I will have to get all my nutrition through a straw, and that would be one heckuva way to go on a diet, lol!

The tooth ...or where it used to be is doing fine..just my jaw is painin me some.

Monday I go to see the psychiatrist at the Indian hospital in Talihina, and I called and asked him if he would be willing to write that it is his opinion that my mental condition is permanent and not likely to improve, and if anything, could get worse. Between that and the records of my hospitalization for four weeks in April/May, and one week just now in August, I am hoping that will be enough as far as additional evidence goes to make my current temporary disability into permanent status.

I am asking for prayers for this..I really need them. I do believe firmly in the power of other people's prayers, and that 'wherever two or three are gathered in my name, there I am also." I am a Unitarian Universalist, but I believe it is all the same God we worship, just one that goes by different names and one that man had created different traditions for.

I would also like to ask for prayers for my family as well. My son has damaged his foot, and they were concerned that it was broken, but it wasn't, but he was not elevating it enough, so it swelled up quite a bit, so my Dad has him grounded to the house so he can keep an eye on him and make sure he keeps his leg elevated. It was a skateboarding accident, of course..and the third time he has had a leg injury due to it too. I would much rather have him wearing safety equipment, but of course he wouldn't do it, so why bother buying it for him. I will just continue to worry...and he will continue to have the girls flock to his house bringing cookies and brownies and goodies, lol. Also would like prayers for my Dad...he is really worried because he put the house he used to live in before he moved back into the one I was renting on the market, and it has been on the market for almost three months without somuch as a nibble. It is a lovely place..a mobile home but set on concrete and it comes with a barn and ten acres, and he even added a dozen various fruit trees, a carport, and a storm cellar.He want's to at least break even on it, and is conerned because right now my folks are living on their retirement, and are spending more than they make...dipping into their savings. That is why my Dad is been subtly (actually not to subtly) hinting that he needs the money he loaned me that got me to Baltimore and back, as well as the fridge he bought because he house didn't come with one. Also, I found out that he paid the deposit for the nice little house I am renting, and isn't even including that in the money I owe him...nor is he including the few weeks he put me up in a cheap motel until there was a place ready for me. I haven't even been able to give him any money to help for my son's upkeep yet, and I am really hoping that I can work that in the budget where I can give him the $250 that I get from SSDI for my son...that should be the least I can do.

So please pray for my family as well as myself...that I can maintain the level of peace of mind I have..which is actually much better than it was, as I was having so many problems sleeping that it was leading to what my shrink said were 'psychotic' episodes. I was not able to sleep more than three or four hours then wake up with a nightmare, and then just wouldn't go back to sleep. I was just glad hat I was living in my own house....I rmemember my daughter when she was younger hearing me scream and waking me up, and one time I accidentally decked her I was so startled, and felt like shit afterwards. Now it is just my son and my Dad, and it took me a looong time to get over my resentment of my Dad not allowing me to stay at the house I had been renting for five years that he owned, but now I can more than understand it. My son needs some sense of normalcy, and having a mom that wakes up some nights screaming from bad dreams is not exactly conducive to that. It was bad enough that my daughter had to go through that, and i feel bad about that. plus, my Dad has a heart condition, and has had two heart attacks, about nine years ago or so.

At first I was very hurt and resentful, but now that I have thought it out I realize that they don't deserve to live through what I would put them through with my PTSD shit. Hell, my daughter didn't deserve it either, and she had to live through most of it...and she shielded my son from the worst of it. I feel really bad now realizing that I would not win any prize for mother of the year, that is for sure. And I realize that it isn't just that my son wants to stay in 'his' room...although I know that is a big part of it..it is that he wants to have a 'normal' life, and I am far from a 'normal' mom...not when I feel like I am having an asthma attack or heart attack and it is just a panic attack, or when i am afraid to leave the house so I cannot attend school functions sometimes, or when I wake up screaming, or I wake up and I haven't been screaming, but I have to go to my kids rooms and turn on the lights to make sure they are okay.

Sorry...I didn't mean this to turn into a pity party.

Anyway, if you could pray that the VA sees fit to make my service connection permanent instead of temporary, it would mean that my daughter would get a montly stipend of nearly 800 a month as long as she is going to college, and the same for my son when he starts college. But as long as it is temporary, she doesn't get it. I was told that they would review me every other year then every third year, after the last hearing when they were going to but decided not to after the statemtns I provided, reduce my 100% to 50%. The DAV rep said that they probably wouldn't make it permanent until at least ten years had passe...by that time both my kids will be out of college, and the whole reason for mkaing it permanent wouldn't even be there...it wouldn't be like I would get more money...I would continue to get what I am getting now. I am so frustrated it isn't even funny and feel like the VA is using me as a guinea pig to see how much more I can take before I crack and go postal.

I will keep trying my best and praying, and am asking for prayers for my family as well. Also, my kid brother is fighting lke hell to be able to have partial custody of his baby daughter, at least during the summer and winter holidays, since she lives with her mom in Indiana, it would make weekend visits so difficult as to be nearly impossible. It is going to be difficult for him because he has a prison record, even if it is a juvenile one, and he does have a temper..he isn't violent, but he does shoot off at the mouth sometimes.

Anyway, I have rambled on long enough and will stop now.