Kids: strict upbringing or very liberal

[dutchie]

This might turn out to be an interesting thread as there are a lot of "kids" around (no offence intended).

A friend of mine has two sons, one is 12 and the other is 8. IMO they're both difficult kids: they're aggressive, destructive, annoying little brats. Sorry, but that's the honest truth. Now my girls are very easy, friendly, polite and non-aggressive. They can have a temper however. I know I'm biased and subjective...

The boys had a very "free" upbringing. They were allowed to do almost anything, were never disciplined or punished. They were just cautioned when they did something really OTT. And I mean really!

I never punish my children. I never hit them. But we do have serious talks, in which I explain my POV. I try to get them wiser in a social way. To teach them emotional intelligence.

Now I know a child that - admittedly - is very difficult and sometimes annoying. This one gets a spanking sometimes, and has a father that reminds of a drillsergeant. Very strict, very ...military almost.

Which works best? Now I know that it might seem like kicking in an open door and that you all might agree that my method is the best, but I want you all to think back to your own upbringing. Mine was VERY strict, under ULTRA right wing conservative baptist parents (I still have doubts about the TCU being a joke...), but I turned out allright, eventually. I consider my youth to have been a dreadful experience, but it did not make me a dreadful person.

So: does it really matter at all if you were disciplined or not? If you were set free or held under military law? That your parents were only cuddling you, or kicking the living shiit out of you?

[evilwill]

Well, my upbringing has been a little mixed.

I used to get a bit of a spanking when i was younger, but i'm a little big for that now. I don't think it necessary, but with the attention span of an 8 yr old, you kinda 4get it soon enough. I never had the crap kicked out of me and am thankful for that.

My dad is faily easy going and my mum, in my opinion is overprotective.

I seem to have turned out fine though......

Time to go ride the cruise missile.....:crazy:

[DontBeAfraid]

I seem to have turned out fine though......

Will I hate to tell you this but you havent "turned out" yet.... Its still to early to call it.

[evilwill]

so far...... i have turned out fine

Happy now?

I've only got 2 yrs until i'm considered an adult.... not long DBA

[lotrfan55345]

When I was little, I used to get spanked and then me and my parents had a long talk... Now they really don't care that much becouse I don't do that much, If I do, we have a looonnng hour long conversation in which my parents say the same thing, over and over again... Judge that kind of upbrining from the way I act now... :evbat:

[Victoria]

I pick and choose my battles with the little ones', so as never to lose a war. I have twin boys under 2 who I allow to "be boys" I also have 2 girls 4 & soon to be 6. They are a little more complicated than the boys. For discipline, I find what works best is being firm and consistent. Not always having to say no and getting to their level of understanding. An eye to eye approach and a repectful tone of voice. So far, we've survived. I mostly brought myself up as I was raised by a single mom and 3 sisters much older than I.

[Godsgifttomankind]

I agree with your method dutchie but at the same time recognize that as children grow and mature they assume a lot of the opposite qualities and attempt to be the opposite of their parents. Thus I employ the Newtonian Law of Parenting also known as reverse psychology. Lots of non abusive physical contact is a must and it is very important to empower. Let them tell you what they did wrong and what the consequences should be and guide them along these lines. They know the rules and what is right and wrong but so often we remove their responsibility by imposing a punishment upon them. Mistakes are learning experiences and should be treated as such. Encourage good behavior and honesty by rewarding the same. Temper tantrums and negative behavior is best ignored as these tend to become attention getting mechanisms. Communication is a two way street and requires patience and good listening skills connected with verbal recognition of what was communicated. It would seem that in society today no one is responsible for their actions and so if we teach our children nothing else but to take responsibility for their actions, we have made a huge stride forward.

[dutchie]

Where does love come in? How do we teach our children about the power of love?

[Victoria]

I'll go ahead and jump in on this one. Being I have 4 of them myself, all who are very happy and full of love. In fact, so full they have plenty to give. Connection is key. In deeper detail...from the moment they each took their first breath a sibling was witness, all except for the first, of course. To me, this is huge. For starters, what a beautiful moment. Birth. They get to remember (maybe) where they had their first contact and how warm and loving that touch was. The bond my children hold amonst each other is inspiring. Finally respect. I give my children positive leads. I am basically the model. I am kind to all I meet, but not friendly. I look every individual in the eye with compassion and understanding. I finish everything I start. :)

[fanman123]

I think you should be strict with certain things like drugs, alcohol, tobacco, but with other things like getting into fights or trouble while their still under 11 you should be liberal because thats a growing process. When I was younger I used to get into fights and trouble all the time but since then I have turned into a A student never broke the law and have never done any drugs including alcohol and tobacco. With everything else I believe you should be strict. I'm only 14 by the way. I also think you should allow your child to be very open with you. You have to be there to talk with them about anything whether it be sex, drugs or anything along the lines of childhood life.

[keratas]

It seems as you need to balanced and fair with children don't you? My views are as such:

Give them enough freedom to allow them their own space to develop on their own, but also you have to be there and in their developing years; making sure that you don't give them the opportunity to walk all over you and others; and place them back in line when they misbehave and educate them on the dangers out there, considering you are much wiser then them.

My upbringing was great in all honesty, my only wish was my parents not to have smothered me as much as they did being an only child. Developed confidence a little late but it is there! They were not afraid to give me a smack across the bum when I misbehaved. This time-out business is absolute nonsense IMO, how are kids going to learn when they just have to stand in a corner on go to their room? This is of course, just by observing children, as I am not a father.

Children and a lot of under-18s have absolutely NO respect for anyone these days, it is rather disgusting. This afternoon on the bus on the way home, they were just screaming and talking vulgarly about sex and other things. (I am by NO means a prude as I am absolutely filthy nearly all the time, but c'mon, there were little kids and the elderly on this bus! They don't need to hear that crap!)

[lotrfan55345]

I thinks kids should be able to Masturbate. (lol, MM)
I thinks kids should be restricted from sex until said parents thinks he/she is mature enough to handle it. (with protection ofcourse)


Children and a lot of under-18s have absolutely NO respect for anyone these days, it is rather disgusting. This afternoon on the bus on the way home, they were just screaming and talking vulgarly about sex and other things. (I am by NO means a prude as I am absolutely filthy nearly all the time, but c'mon, there were little kids and the elderly on this bus! They don't need to hear that crap!)

Hey, we pre-teens & teens are very curious about the wonderful new world of love&sex... (lol)

[keratas]

I thinks kids should be able to Masturbate. (lol, MM)
I thinks kids should be restricted from sex until said parents thinks he/she is mature enough to handle it. (with protection ofcourse)



Hey, we pre-teens & teens are very curious about the wonderful new world of love&sex... (lol)

haha, love is non-existant, sex is great when you can get it. I must add I'm 19 though and not in my 30s as the tone of the post suggests :D

Just fed up with rude people.

[lotrfan55345]

I am 12. :D


(400th post on the new forum!)

[keratas]

I am 12. :D


(400th post on the new forum!)

You're......12?!?

Well f me dead....

Haha.

Are you serious? If so, your name is now Little One.

[evilwill]

Well, I'm 16 and a mod.... :crazy: