Jedianity - Force Religion - Any Questions?

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

***** D I S C L A I M E R *****
To any religious or non-religious people who are reading this, please do not continue to read past this point if you are easily offended where your beliefs or non-beliefs are concerned. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED !!! The following is an exercise in curiosity to determine if there are ways OTHER than the old "God VS Evolution" or "God VS the Big Bang Theory" arguments that permeate this forum to answer the mysteries of our world and the universe. After reading such threads as "Do you believe in God?" and "Challenging Evolution", just to name a couple, I found myself stunned at the incredible leaps in logic (or ILLOGIC!) that people were making to support or refute certain arguments. Although, from MY point of view, this happens mostly with believers, it can also happen with atheists. Thus, a secondary purpose to this exercise is to show people how silly their logic or lack thereof appears to other people by "dressing up" their "logic" in a different guise. My intent is NOT to offend ANYBODY. I apologize if you ARE offended, but you were warned.
***** E N D O F D I S C L A I M E R *****

"You don't know the power of the dark side." - Darth Vader, [Lucas:SWV:ESB]

JEDIANITY - A religion of the Force

Feel free to ask ANY questions about the JEDIANITY religion. I will attempt to answer these questions to the best of my knowledge. Feel free to answer questions from others yourself (I will support or refute your answers based on established Star Wars canon) and I'm also hoping that Marajadex will apply her Star Wars knowledge and answer some questions that anybody may have. For those of you that require proof of canonical events, please refer to www.starwars.com or www.theforce.net . All right then, here are the basics of Jedianity:

The following are accepted Jedianity canon:

The following are the 6 Gospels of Lucas:
Star Wars: Episode I: The Phantom Menace
Star Wars: Episode II: Attack of the Clones
Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the Sith
Star Wars: Episode IV: A New Hope
Star Wars: Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back
Star Wars: Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

The following are the 3 Gospels of Zahn:
Star Wars: Heir to the Empire
Star Wars: Dark Force Rising
Star Wars: The Last Command

"May the Force be with you... always." - Obi-Wan Kenobi, [Lucas:SWIV:ANH]

"I don't believe it." - Luke Skywalker, [Lucas:SWV:ESB]
"That is why you fail." - Yoda, [Lucas:SWV:ESB]

"I am your father." - Darth Vader, [Lucas:SWV:ESB]

"You are mistaken about a great many things." - Emperor Palpatine, [Lucas:SWVI:ROTJ]

Timeline Overview (ANH = Star Wars: Episode IV: A New Hope)

Old Republic Era
25K-1K Years B4 ANH

Rise of the Empire Era
999-1 Years B4 ANH

Rebellion Era
The Year of ANH
1-4 Years After ANH

New Republic Era
5-24 Years After ANH

New Jedi Order Era & Beyond
25+ Years After ANH


The following is a chronological list of the lesser Gospels by the other Apostles of Lucas such as Zahn, Luceno, Denning, Anderson, Salvatore et al:

Cloak of Deception by James Luceno
Darth Maul - Shadow Hunter by Michael Reaves

Star Wars I: The Phantom Menace

Rogue Planet by Greg Bear
The Approaching Storm by Alan Dean Foster

Star Wars II: Attack of the Clones

Shatterpoint by Matthew Stover
The Cestus Deception by Steven Barnes
Medstar I - Battle Surgeons by Michael Reaves and Steve Perry
Medstar II - Jedi Healer by Michael Reaves and Steve Perry
Jedi Trial by Dan Cragg and David Sherman
Yoda - Dark Rendezvous by Sean Stewart
Labyrinth of Evil by James Luceno

Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith

Pre-Star Wars IV: A New Hope

The Han Solo Trilogy by A.C. Crispin
The Paradise Snare
The Hutt Gambit
Rebel Dawn

The Lando Calrissian Adventures by L. Neil Smith
Lando Calrissian and the Mindharp of Sharu
Lando Calrissian and the Flamewind of Oseon
Lando Calrissian and the Starcave of ThonBoka

The Han Solo Adventures by Brian Daley
Han Solo at Star's End
Han Solo's Revenge
Han Solo and the Lost Legacy

Star Wars IV: A New Hope

Splinter of the Mind's Eye by Alan Dean Foster

The Ruins Of Dantooine by Voronica Whitney-Robinson with Haden Blackman

The Bounty Hunter Wars by K.W. Jeter
The Mandalorian Armor
Slave Ship
Hard Merchandise

Star Wars V: The Empire Strikes Back

Shadows of the Empire by Steve Perry

Star Wars VI: Return of the Jedi

The Truce At Bakura by Kathy Tyers
X-Wing, Series I by Michael A. Stackpole
Rogue Squadron
Wedge's Gamble
The Krytos Trap
The Bacta War

X-Wing, Series II by Aaron Allston
Wraith Squadron
Iron Fist
Solo Command

The Courtship of Princess Leia by Dave Wolverton
Tatooine Ghost by Troy Denning

The Thrawn Trilogy by Timothy Zahn
Heir to the Empire
Dark Force Rising
The Last Command

X-Wing, Series III by Michael A. Stackpole
Isard's Revenge

The Jedi Academy Trilogy by Kevin J. Anderson
Jedi Search
Dark Apprentice
Champions of the Force

I, Jedi by Michael A. Stackpole

X-Wing, Series IV by Aaron Allston
Starfighters of Adumar

Children of the Jedi by Barbara Hambly
Darksaber by Kevin J. Anderson
Planet of Twilight by Barbara Hambly
The Crystal Star by Vonda N. McIntyre

Black Fleet Crisis Trilogy by Michael P. Kube-McDowell
Before the Storm
Shield of Lies
Tyrant's Test

The New Rebellion by Kristine Kathryn Rusch

The Corellian Trilogy by Roger MacBride Allen
Ambush at Corellia
Assault at Selonia
Showdown at Centerpoint

The Hand of Thrawn Duology by Timothy Zahn
Specter of the Past
Vision of the Future

Survivor's Quest by Timothy Zahn

New Jedi Order:
Vector Prime by R.A. Salvatore
Dark Tide I - Onslaught by Michael A. Stackpole
Dark Tide II - Ruin by Michael A. Stackpole
Agents of Chaos I - Hero's Trial by James Luceno
Agents of Chaos II - Jedi Eclipse by James Luceno
Balance Point by Kathy Tyers
Recovery by Troy Denning
Edge of Victory I - Conquest by Greg Keyes
Edge of Victory II - Rebirth by Greg Keyes
Star by Star by Troy Denning
Dark Journey by Elaine Cunningham
Enemy Lines I - Rebel Dream by Aaron Allston
Enemy Lines II - Rebel Stand by Aaron Allston
Traitor by Matthew Stover
Destiny's Way by Walter Jon Williams
Force Heretic I - Remnant by Sean Williams and Shane Dix
Force Heretic II - Refugee by Sean Williams and Shane Dix
Force Heretic III - Reunion by Sean Williams and Shane Dix
The Final Prophecy by Greg Keyes
The Unifying Force by James Luceno


The 6 Gospels of Lucas are the main canon of Jedianity (A basic primer for these 6 important documents is provided in the next post). They are infallible and thus are not subject to any other interpretations. The Force is all-encompassing. "It binds us and penetrates us." ( Obi-Wan Kenobi, [Lucas:SWIV:ANH] ) It is the author of all creation and the answer to all of your questions. The proof is in the Gospels. But if you have any questions at all regarding Jedianity or ANYTHING else, post them here and I will attempt to enlighten you.

MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU...

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

A basic primer to the 6 Gospels of Lucas:

SWI:TPM
- Shmi Skywalker gives birth to Anakin Skywalker, apparently via immaculate conception, on Tatooine
- Watto acquires Shmi and Anakin as slaves
- The Trade Federation (TF) imposes a blockade around Naboo
- TF attacks Naboo and conquers the planet, but Queen Amidala is spirited away from Naboo with the help of Jedi Knight Qui-Gon Jinn and his Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi
- Amidala and the Jedi land on Tatooine for repairs where they meet young Anakin
- Anakin leaves Tatooine under the care of the Jedi
- the Jedi escort Amidala to Coruscant to protest the occupation of Naboo, the effort fails
- Senator Palpatine is nominated for the position of Supreme Chancellor of the Republic
- Amidala returns to Naboo with the Jedi and re-takes the planet
- Qui-Gon Jinn dies at the hand of the Sith Apprentice Darth Maul, who is then slain by Obi-Wan Kenobi
- Palpatine is elected to the position of Supreme Chancellor of the Republic
- Obi-Wan Kenobi is promoted to Jedi Knight and takes on Anakin Skywalker as his Padawan apprentice

SWII:AOTC
- teenage Anakin Skywalker foils an assassination attempt on Amidala who is now a Senator for Naboo on Coruscant
- Amidala goes into hiding under the protection of Skywalker
- Obi-Wan Kenobi tracks down the assassin Jango Fett and discovers a massive clone army being assembled on Kamino for the Republic
- Obi-Wan Kenobi tracks Jango Fett to Geonosis where the Trade Federation is gathered, Obi-Wan is captured and held prisoner by former Jedi Count Dooku, aka Darth Tyrannus
- Anakin Skywalker and Amidala go to Geonosis to rescue Obi-Wan Kenobi as do 200 Jedi Knights led by Master Yoda and the Kamino clone army
- Obi-Wan Kenobi slays Jango Fett by decapitation with his lightsaber
- Count Dooku injures Obi-Wan Kenobi in a lightsaber duel and amputates Anakin Skywalker's right arm near the elbow
- Yoda intervenes before Dooku can kill Anakin or Obi-Wan, driving off Dooku who escapes to Coruscant with the technical plans of the Death Star
- Supreme Chancellor Palpatine successfully lobbies for the creation of a Grand Army of the Republic
- Anakin Skywalker marries Senator Amidala

SWIII:ROTS
- very little is known about the third Gospel of Lucas, prophets have foreseen that details of this critical Gospel will become known after May 19th, 2005
- the following is speculation about what may be contained in the third Gospel of Lucas
- Anakin Skywalker turns to the dark side of the Force and becomes Darth Vader, the Sith Apprentice of Darth Sidious, aka Supreme Chancellor Palpatine
- Skywalker is seriously injured by Obi-Wan Kenobi during a lightsaber duel and requires significant cybernetic replacements
- the majority of the Jedi Knights are hunted down and massacred by General Grievous and Darth Vader
- Obi-Wan Kenobi escapes and seeks hiding on Tatooine
- Yoda escapes and seeks hiding on Dagobah
- Palpatine declares himself Emperor
- Amidala gives birth to twins, Luke Skywalker and Leia Organa, unbeknownst to the father of the twins, Darth Vader
- Bail Organa takes Leia to Alderaan where she is raised by the royal family
- Luke is taken to Tatooine where he is raised by his uncle Owen Lars and Aunt Beru

SWIV:ANH
- Princess Leia, now a grown adult, steals the Death Star plans and hides them in astromech droid R2-D2 who escapes to Tatooine with protocol droid C-3PO
- the 2 droids are captured by Jawas who then sell them to Owen Lars
- Luke Skywalker discovers a message from Leia hidden on R2-D2 and then seeks out Obi-Wan Kenobi to give the message to
- Emperor Palpatine dissolves the Republic Senate and assumes dictatorial control
- Grand Moff Tarkin orders the destruction of Alderaan using the Death Star weaponry
- Luke and Obi-Wan hire Han Solo to fly them to Alderaan in the Millennium Falcon to answer Leia's message, but the planet is gone
- the Millennium Falcon is caught by tractor beam and held on the Death Star
- Luke and Han discover that Leia is a prisoner on the Death Star and rescue her
- Obi-Wan Kenobi is slain by Darth Vader in a lightsaber duel
- Luke, Han and Leia escape the Death Star in the Millennium Falcon and deliver the stolen Death Star technical specs to the Rebel base on a Yavin moon
- the rebels launch an attack on the Death Star
- Luke Skywalker uses the Force to destroy the Death Star
- Darth Vader escapes
- everybody except Chewbacca gets a medal

SWV:ESB
- the Imperial Fleet, led by Darth Vader, hunts down the Rebels on Hoth and drives them away, scattering the Rebel fleet
- Han Solo escapes Hoth with Princess Leia
- Luke Skywalker escapes Hoth and travels to Dagobah to train to become a Jedi Knight with Jedi Master Yoda
- the bounty hunter Boba Fett tracks the Millennium Falcon to Cloud City on Bespin where Han and Leia are being sheltered by Lando Calrissian
- Darth Vader captures Han and Leia and sets up a trap for Luke Skywalker
- Skywalker abruptly halts his training and leaves Dagobah to rescue his friends on Bespin
- Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker engage in a lightsaber duel and Luke is overwhelmed by Vader who severs his right hand with his saber
- Han Solo is encased in solid carbonite and spirited away from Cloud City by Boba Fett to an awaiting Jabba the Hutt on Tatooine
- Lando Calrissian helps Leia to escape from Cloud City
- Vader reveals to Luke that they are father and son
- Luke escapes Vader and is rescued by the Millennium Falcon
- Luke, Leia and Lando escape the Imperia fleet and rendezvous with the Rebel fleet

SWVI:ROTJ
- Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia and Lando Calrissian go to Tatooine and rescue Han Solo from Jabba the Hutt
- the Empire is nearing the completion of a second Death Star
- Luke returns to Dagobah to finish his Jedi training with Yoda
- Obi-Wan Kenobi in spectral form confirms that Darth Vader is Luke's father and that Leia is also his sister
- Yoda informs Luke that he must confront Vader again to complete his Jedi training
- the Rebels formulate a plan to destroy the second Death Star
- Luke, Leia and Han Solo travel to Endor's moon to sabotage the Death Star's shield generator
- Luke surrenders himself to Imperial forces on Endor's moon and is taken to Darth Vader who then takes him to the Death Star to confront Emperor Palpatine
- Han and Leia sabotage the Death Star shield generator
- with no shields, the Rebel fleet penetrates the defenses of the Death Star and destroys the power source at its core, thus destroying the Death Star
- Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader duel again, but this time Luke severs Vader's right hand during the confrontation
- after refusing to turn to the dark side of the Force, the Emperor attacks Luke
- in an act of redemption, Vader picks up the Emperor and throws him down a shaft, killing the Emperor but fatally wounding himself in the process
- Luke drags Vader to a ship and flies them both away from the Death Star just before it is destroyed by the Rebels, but Vader dies in Luke's arms
- the Empire falls and a New Republic is born

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

Here is a sample question to get things going:

Is evolution true?

The short answer is NO. Evolution most certainly is NOT TRUE.
Although the Gospels of Lucas and Zahn, as well as the lesser Gospels, do not specifically mention evolution AT ALL, Jedianity scholars have concluded that this lack of a mention is the equivalent of saying that evolution is bogus. Scholars also argue the NEED for evolution:

"Why do we need even a THEORY of evolution?" one Bothan scholar quips defensively, the fur on his back rippling nervously. "Clearly, the Force is responsible for the variety of life that is found in our galaxy. Yes, there is an INCREDIBLE amount of evidence that logically supports this, but since it was the Force that created the galaxy and all of its life forms, evolution is conclusively bogus."

Other Jedianity "scholars" pipe in with their two credits' worth about the theory of evolution:

"Bullshit! I would find it more advantageous to fly to work with my newly evolved wings then to drive in traffic and spend 2.00 a gallon on unleaded. It would be easier to fish if I had gills (which I once had millions of years ago) Why, I think there can be many, many, improvements to the human species if only....... we could evolve More....." -- 40oz
Answer: A VALID argument there! Why HASN'T evolution given us wings and gills? Well? I don't care that we don't live in water!!! I want GILLS, dammit!!! And while we're talking about the human species, I'd like to say that it would be cool to see women evolve a third breast and be like that chick on "Total Recall". Man clearly wants this, so why hasn't it HAPPENED. Hello, evolution? Are you there? REFUTED!!!

"Understood, but that would denote random events, a chaotic evolution does not sound beneficial to me. Kind of like rolling the dice and the sea cucumber craped out!" -- 40oz
This is another example that disproves evolution. Jedianity "scholars" attempted to perform the aforementioned experiment and, despite rolling a pair of dice several times, they failed to produce a sea cucumber. And so as to not upset pure believers in the Force, they used one male die and one female die, NOT two male dice...

"One could say evolution is a tool to discredit [the Force] and likewise [the Force] is a tool to discredit evolution. But ppl where aware of a high presence long before Darwin was a twinkle in his ole mans eyes." -- 40oz
Yes!!! Yes!!! Can you see the logic? Because the Force was around BEFORE Darwin, then the Force WINS!!! You evolution losers...

"So what are you suggesting keebler? a rock f*cked another rock and made a slug? -- LPF-Dude
The evidence, or lack thereof, just keeps rolling in! Again, our Jedianity scientists attempted to duplicate the aforementioned experiment and failed miserably in producing said slug. This time, variations of the parameters were used. We tried different types of rocks, but it didn't matter whether we used shale or granite or limestone or any other type of rock. No matter what combination was used, the rocks did not even seem INTERESTED in eachother, let alone f*ck eachother. In conclusion, since the slug was not produced, evolution is once again debunked!

"I dont know you guys are smoking but i positive i came from my mother." -- Assassin X
Another GOOD argument against evolution. Proof and facts are overrated. Nothing can compare to PERSONAL OPINIONS. Although he knows the mother that he came from, a recent scandal regarding Assassin X's comments resulted in him finding out that his real father is Juan the gardener. Despite this setback, Jedianity "scholars" still point to the fact that Assassin X came from his MOTHER as distinct proof that evolution is simply untrue.

[Red Shift]

well i see someones been doing their homework

:)

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

AAAhhh!!! A rare sighting of the Red Shift Stormtrooper!!! As you can see in the avatar in the previous post, we see the mysterious Red Shift Stormtrooper demonstrating the technique that he used to "begat" all of the other Stormtroopers and thus populate the footsoldier army of the Empire. Absolutely amazing! We get to see this technique over and over and over and over and over and over and over...

[dutchie]

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Wow, you MUST be a lifetime fan!!!!

Allright, here is one for you...

How did the gospel of Lucas come to us? Remember, it's from a galaxy far, far away....

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

Allright, here is one for you... How did the gospel of Lucas come to us? Remember, it's from a galaxy far, far away....
You, dutchie, are a heathenous, blasphemous non-believer!!! After you die, you will be reincarnated as bantha poodoo and be unceremoniously scooped into a Death Star trash compactor for the rest of your existence. Repent!!! Now, to answer your question. After writing the pagan Gospel known as "THX 1138", Lucas received a vision, curiously enough AFTER lighting up a doobie. This vision imparted unto him nine Gospels. While we know about the first six Gospels of Lucas, he remains secretive and aloof about the last three Gospels. Jedianity scholars refer to the seventh, eighth and ninth Gospels as the Lost Gospels of Lucas. Just as a side note, despite the rejection of the pagan Gospel "THX 1138" as canonical by Jedianity scholars, subtle hints such as the sneaky insertion of the number 1138 permeate the six canonical Gospels of Lucas, a rebellious gesture by Lucas. Just as another side note, it should be noted that Jedianity scholars generally practice celibacy (whether by choice or involuntarily is a raging debate) and they choose to conduct their studies and meditate in the basements of their parents.

Thank you for your question, blasphemer! May the Force be with you...

[dcookcan]

This is a fun(ny) thread. Although I am a believer (not a christian), I am not offended in the least. I'll bite.

Was princess Amidalla a perpetual virgin?

[dcookcan]

whoops - computer glitch.

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

Was princess Amidalla a perpetual virgin?
Good question! However, if you were a believer and not some blaspheming pagan son of a wookiee, YOU WOULD KNOW THE ANSWER!!! I might as well tell you. Although it is highly suspected that Shmi Skywalker was a perpetual virgin [Lucas:SWI:TPM], it is believed that Amidala was most certainly NOT. Amidala gives birth to the twins Luke Skywalker and Leia Organa. Darth Vader clearly states "I am your father" [Lucas:SWV:ESB] when he confronts Luke in Cloud City on Bespin and Yoda clearly states "Your father he is" [Lucas:SWVI:ROTJ] while on his death bed. Now granted, this is indirect evidence, but one simply has to observe young Anakin Skywalker's excessively horny behavior in the Second Gospel of Lucas. He is clearly lusting after Amidala while sporting a full-on chubby -- and NO, that's NOT a lightsaber in his pocket. If none of this evidence convinces you, then all I have to say is COME ON!!! SHE'S A BABE!!! Wouldn't YOU do the horizontal hokey-pokey with her? Somebody was BOUND to make her "feel the force", if you know what I mean! Oh yeaaaaah, just mount her like a hairless tauntaun while her tractor beam sucks you into her pulsating sarlacc pit and then... and then... and... what was the question again?

[dcookcan]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!


He is clearly lusting after Amidala while sporting a full-on chubby -- and NO, that's NOT a lightsaber in his pocket.

LOL :Llol:

(Place image of smiley spewing coffee out his nose here)

I am having troubles pulling myself together....

Sorry, I meant to ask about Shmi Skywalker's perpetual virginity.

::)):

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

Sorry, I meant to ask about Shmi Skywalker's perpetual virginity.
Aaahhhh... it all makes sense now. I didn't think that ANYBODY with eyes would consider Amidala, that sweet piece of Nabootie, to actually be a virgin! RIGHT! And Greedo shot FIRST!!! As if!!! Now, to get back to your real question. Now THAT is a good question, despite the fact that you are STILL a blaspheming pagan son of a wookiee. In the very first Gospel of Lucas, Shmi is talking about Anakin with Qui-Gon Jinn and she replies with "There was no father" [Lucas:SWI:TPM] when asked. So these four words indicate that the conception of Anakin was immaculate and by the will of the Force. I personally doubt this though, because you know what they say about Tatooine slave women, heh heh! Yeah... Anyway, back to the immaculate conception. Many Jedianity scholars, studying in the dank recesses of their parents' basements, believe that the entire story has yet to be revealed. Lucas has not yet published the Third Gospel and many prophets have foreseen the unveiling of this Gospel on May 19th of THIS YEAR!!! WOW!!! Until then, speculation runs rampant with many scholars believing that somehow Palpatine was able to secretly inseminate
Shmi and thus is Anakin's father. If this proves to be true, then the actually dirty deed couldn't have been that good if Shmi doesn't even remember it HAPPENING! Palpatine has been DISSED!!! Ziiiing!!! And just as a side note, even if Anakin WAS immaculately conceived by the Force, Shmi's virginity after the fact may still be in question. How, you ask? Well, let's just say that, while on Tatooine, Qui-Gon not only serviced Amidala's royal starship, but he likely serviced Shmi as well with a little dip-stick action!!! Yowza!!! Qui-Gon had many ups and downs during his brief stop-over on Tatooine, and MOST of them were in Shmi's bedroom!!! Ba-dum-bump!!!

[Marajadex]

:rolling:
:headbang: Awsome!!! Totally Awsome!!!!! :headbang:

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

How is this possible?!?!?!?! It CAN'T be... unless...
The Force MUST be with dutchie!!! For he has mastered the secret Jedi techniques of lightsaber construction and applied them to the construction of a WANGSABER !!!!!!!! (in case you're confused, see dutchie's avatar) The prophecies have come to pass!!! The prophecy predicted that "A moderately impressive wang shall occupy space, and light the four corners of the universe". Clearly, "moderately" doesn't refer to the SIZE of dutchie's wang as one might reasonably assume (no offense, dutchie). Rather, it refers to the fact that dutchie is a MODERATOR on Armageddon Online. And the "space" refers to CYBERSPACE. And the four corners of the universe, you ask? Well, clearly, the room in dutchie's avatar is a metaphor for the universe and the Wangsaber is currently in the process of lighting up the four corners of said room one corner at a time. Regarding dutchie's Wangsaber, one can only say "Impressive. Most impressive." (Darth Vader [Lucas:SWV:ESB]). Although what would REALLY be impressive would be for dutchie to demonstrate a DOUBLE-ENDED WANGSABER...

[MoonlapseV]

OMFG this is the best thread EVER! :2thumbs:

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

Awsome!!! Totally Awsome!!!!!
Aaahh! Welcome Mara Jade, flame-haired Jedi vixen! What randy tales do you think that a woman formerly called "The Emperor's Hand" might tell? Reeoooowrrr! Let's just say that, when she was in the employ of Emperor Palpatine, her lightsaber wasn't the ONLY thing that was purple! Hoooooaaahhhh!!!

EDITOR'S NOTE: We're not sure how this "thread" has degenerated so quickly into a series of neverending sexual connotations, but we're gonna go with it. And if you don't like it, then may the fleas of a thousand banthas infest your crotch...

[40oz]

Nerdosity..........

[dutchie]

OMG, I'm had... OK, OK, I'll admit it. I indeed AM equipped with aforementioned wangsaber. The force works strong with me - but it took some training which also rendered much pain in certain parts of the lower abdomen, and holes in the porcelain of the toilet... But now I feel confident that - when needed - I can draw my wangsaber at any convenient moment and leave a smoking trail of dead and heavily bbq'd infidels behind... Also comes in handy when one wants to light a dutchie.. ehr... a fag.

But now: onto my next question: do you know what factory the death star came from??! Was it BMW (beamer... note the horrible symbolism...) or GM (who are known to have built similarly terrible 4 wheeled contracptions in a galaxy far far away from the one we're now talking about) or was it some other brand, also known for producing heinous weapons like this??

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

But now: onto my next question: do you know what factory the death star came from??! Was it BMW (beamer... note the horrible symbolism...) or GM (who are known to have built similarly terrible 4 wheeled contracptions in a galaxy far far away from the one we're now talking about) or was it some other brand, also known for producing heinous weapons like this??
A very good question, my sacrilegious friend! The phrase "hindsight is 20/20" is aptly applied to the tragic events that ended with the destruction of the first and second Death Stars in the fourth and sixth Gospels of Lucas. There were many mistakes committed on many fronts. Let us begin with the first Death Star (DS1), shall we? Most Jedianity scholars point to flawed design and construction of DS1 as the main reason for its relatively easy destruction by the whiny redneck crop-duster Luke Skywalker (I wanna go to Toshi station to pick up some power converters, WAAAAA!!!). In order to cut costs, Imperial designers contracted the makers of the Skylab satellite to build DS1. It must also be noted that, while most of the construction is attributed to the Skylab designers, the fuel cells of DS1 were designed and built by Ford, specifically by the design team behind the creation of the Pinto. Now, one has to understand the logistics that are involved with building a space station on such a massive scale. Roughly half-way through the construction process, Emperor Palpatine ordered several legions of Stormtroopers to move in and occupy the growing space station which the troopers affectionately started calling "the Nad". Due to the large numbers of people living in the same place, certain "issues" arose, the most critical of which was the alarming build-up of biological gases. Now this is where scholars point to as being the point in time at which the fate of DS1 was decided. To correct the problem of gaseous build-up, Imperial engineers ordered the construction of a ventilation duct system which vented the biological gases to the surface of DS1 where it then was ejected into space. As we all know from the Fourth Gospel of Lucas, the rebel scum took advantage of this ventilation shaft and whiny boy shot a torpedo down said shaft where it traveled to the DS1's interior and blew up the station. In hindsight, many scholars find it remarkable that the gases didn't ignite at the surface as soon as the torpedo was fired from Luke Skywalker's X-Wing Fighter. Critics of what is now called the "Death Fart Fiasco" point to the building of this vent as the reason why DS1 was destroyed so easily. A secondary solution to the gas build-up problem was proposed but was rejected in favor of the ventilation system. If only they could go back in time, critics argue, then they could've simply abolished "taco night" and "weiners and beans" night at the station mess hall. But again, hindsight is 20/20. But other critics wonder why Emperor Palpatine had failed to foresee such a disaster. The rumor mill says that Palpatine was "gettin jiggy wit it" with Mara Jade, thus distracting him. Okay, with regards to the second Death Star (DS2), the explanation is a much simpler one. Not wanting to commit the same mistakes twice, DS2 was designed WITHOUT the ventilation shaft. Instead, "taco night" and "weiners and beans night" were abolished from the mess hall menu. Things were going slowly but smoothly until the rebel scums showed up in force while the Death Star was still only about 60% completed. The Milennium Falcon easily swooped in to the core of DS2 and fired 2 piddly shots at the power core of the station. Critics pointed to the shoddy design and construction of this power core by the creators of the Ford Pinto, citing that one only needed to LOOK at the core and it would've blown up, as the major reason for the destruction of DS2. However, other Jedianity scholars point to the fact that the construction of the new space station was WELL behind schedule which irritated Emperor Palpatine to no end. Palpatine believed that DS2 would have been completed by the time the rebel fleet had arrived to destroy it if they had actually stayed on schedule. Legend has it that, as Emperor Palpatine was falling down a shaft to his death after being flung down it by Darth Vader, he could be heard screaming "Damn you Teamsters !!!!!!!!!!!!" followed by "AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!" and then abrupt silence. So there you have the REAL reasons why the two Death Stars were destroyed.

Keep those questions coming, you godless heathens!

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

Ahhh, it is good to see 40oz back on the forums!!! A disturbing development has arisen as a direct result of his statement that I referred to back in post #3. To remind our thread readers, when confronted with the blasphemous rhetoric of evolution, 40oz responded with the following quote:


"Bullshit! I would find it more advantageous to fly to work with my newly evolved wings then to drive in traffic and spend 2.00 a gallon on unleaded. It would be easier to fish if I had gills (which I once had millions of years ago) Why, I think there can be many, many, improvements to the human species if only....... we could evolve More....."
While Jedianity scholars initially agreed with 40oz's irrefutable and intelligent response, some new information has come to light. Disturbing information. One only has to read the heretical Gospels of Costner to realize that the person known simply as "The Mariner" from the "Waterworld" Gospel ACTUALLY HAS GILLS behind his ears!!!! Jedianity scholars were initially stunned by this revelation, but quickly refuted it based on the prior statement by 40oz that "a chaotic evolution does not sound beneficial to me". Realizing the wisdom imparted by these words, Jedianity scholars decided to continue to ignore the overwhelming evidence that supports evolution, considering the theory to be debunked. In another side note, some renegade Jedianity scholars have fled underground to avoid persecution by their colleagues because they naively believe that evolution is true, citing the existence of the "tri-boobed" babe from "Total Recall" as clear evidence that nature is striving to improve women for the good of all mankind.

And in other news, evolution supporters continue to perform futile experiments to prove the validity of evolution based on another of 40oz's logical statements where he elegantly stated:


Kind of like rolling the dice and the sea cucumber craped out!
In a desperate attempt to prove 40oz wrong, scientists have attempted numerous variations of the same experiment in order to produce a sea cucumber from dice. They have unsuccessfully used fuzzy dice, Yahtzee dice and even the dice inside the popping bubble from the board game "Trouble". To their dismay, no sea cucumbers were produced. Reluctantly, evolutionists have declared evolution to be false, admitting that "40oz's evidence is simply too strong and concrete." REFUTED!!!

[40oz]

Although I find you amusing, making light of a belief someone holds as true is adolescent. You fixation with fantasy movies and how you have incorporated them into your everyday life is borderline dangerous. Do you wear a chewbacca uniform while posting? How about spock ears? Are you a trekkie? I like the genre of scifi movies as well but when the credits roll, I understand the movies is over.


I do believe I have found your home video that was leaked on the internet B.NyeTheUruk-Hai. Dont worry, your followers will support you.


http://www.uselessjunk.com/videos/Star_Wars_Kid.wmv

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

Although I find you amusing, making light of a belief someone holds as true is adolescent.
My disclaimer in the first post CLEARLY warns you to stay away if you intend to be a stick in the mud. I couldn't give a dewback's ass if you're offended. Nobody is forcing you to read any of this, infidel...


You fixation with fantasy movies and how you have incorporated them into your everyday life is borderline dangerous.
Kind of like your fixation with fantasy books (ie- the Bible) and all-powerful deities?


Do you wear a chewbacca uniform while posting? How about spock ears?
Actually, I wear a gold bikini and Yoda ears...


I like the genre of scifi movies as well but when the credits roll, I understand the movies is over.
The sad part of that statement is that you DON'T understand that it's over. You go home after the movie and delve into another fantasy book called the Bible and live it 24/7.

REPENT NOW, SINNER!!! If you don't embrace Jedianity NOW, you will forever burn in the fiery pits of Mustafar!!! What's the matter, 40oz? You don't like that? Well, fair is fair. If you can blackmail me with YOUR God, then I can blackmail you with MINE.

"You are mistaken about a great many things." -- Emperor Palpatine [Lucas:SWVI:ROTJ]

[40oz]

If your jedanity withstand the test of time. Has as much credibility as The Christ then so be it. I never blackmailed you or anyone ever with hell. As a matter of fact I don't live the stereo typical "christian" life style. I do not attend church, I do not preach, I don't not look down on anyone for not believing what I believe. I do however, know Christ to be real and to be true. This is my truth. don't post bullshit in the religious thread and then put a bogus disclaimer as bait. This is purely for antagonizing people of faith and if the mods don't address this issue I will not visit AO again.

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

I do believe I have found your home video that was leaked on the internet B.NyeTheUruk-Hai. Dont worry, your followers will support you.
http://www.uselessjunk.com/videos/Star_Wars_Kid.wmv
LOL!!! That's good stuff!!! The Star Wars Kid LIVES!!! Actually, Jedianity scholars have forbidden the viewing of this particular video. Clearly, the kid is wielding a double-ended golf ball retriever... errr... lightsaber, thus placing his allegiance with the Sith. Star Wars Kid is EVIL!!!

By the way, 40oz, knowing your fondness for condoms despite the fact that sex is only for reproducing, you could wear a glow-in-the-dark condom and have a wangsaber battle with dutchie!!! I strongly suspect that dutchie would annihilate you with relative ease because there's really not much that one can do with a 2-inch wangsaber...

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

I don't not look down on anyone for not believing what I believe.
Sure you do. There are quotes ALL OVER this forum with you ridiculing atheists and our beliefs in evolution among other things. It's a two-way street...


don't post bullshit in the religious thread and then put a bogus disclaimer as bait. This is purely for antagonizing people of faith
No antagonizing of people of faith is going on here. dcookcan seems to be having fun here. I do believe that your first post on this thread was an attempt, and a rather sad one at that, to antagonize ME. You are the ONLY person here who doesn't like this thread. Like I said, NOBODY is forcing you to read this and I placed a CLEAR disclaimer at the very beginning explaining my reasons for doing this. So just be a man and leave with what little dignity that you have left and let everybody else have fun with this thread. If you're watching something on television that you don't like, then you just have to change the channel. There's no need to impose your Christian "morals" on us with another form of blackmail that's all to familiar to Christians. We can easily see past your hollow facade...

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

Just a follow-up for 40oz:

What's quite funny and ironic about what I'm doing here is that YOU CANNOT PROVE that the Star Wars universe is not out there in a galaxy far, far away. YOU CANNOT PROVE that the characters and places written in the movies and the novels don't exist. ANYTHING that you say to try and debunk the Jedianity religion will EASILY be shot down by ME because you have NO PROOF to back up your claims and prove me wrong. Sound familiar? THAT is what the purpose of this "exercise" is. To show you what it's like when the tables are turned. Yeah, I didn't think you'd like that...

[voxpopulisuxx]

Just a follow-up for 40oz:

What's quite funny and ironic about what I'm doing here is that YOU CANNOT PROVE that the Star Wars universe is not out there in a galaxy far, far away. YOU CANNOT PROVE that the characters and places written in the movies and the novels don't exist. ANYTHING that you say to try and debunk the Jedianity religion will EASILY be shot down by ME because you have NO PROOF to back up your claims and prove me wrong. Sound familiar? THAT is what the purpose of this "exercise" is. To show you what it's like when the tables are turned. Yeah, I didn't think you'd like that...
Why did Luke become so "Gay" in the last Starwars episode Return of the Jedi?
Was it shock at his incestuous desires toward his sister?

And what mystical force is at play when a 10 year old Darth Vader gets jinky with a 25 year old Princess Im- a- Doll- a
I hope these questions arent too hard?

[dutchie]

My avatar is definite proof of the force working strong in my Wangsaber... Heh!! How about THAT?!?
/me lights another fag, and burns away half of his moustache...

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

LOL!!! I was wondering when Vox was going to join in the party! I'll try to do my best to answer your questions:


Why did Luke become so "Gay" in the last Starwars episode Return of the Jedi?
I sense a can of worms about to be opened here! LOL! Okay, I'll have to reply first by saying that Luke was gay MUCH before ROTJ. Many Jedianity scholars point to his whiny quip of "But I was going to go to Toshi Station to pick up some power converters!" as the first thing to lead to this suspicion. As well, in the first third of the Fourth Gospel of Lucas, Luke walks away from his Tatooine home and stares longingly into the sky as dusk approaches as melancholy music plays in the background. But despite the fact that there are TWO moons side-by-side in the sky, which scholars agree overwhelmingly is symbolic of a pair of female breasts, we fail to observe ANY degree of chubby at ALL from Luke. Scholars also point out how much time Luke initially spends with C-3PO, actually going as far as giving the protocol droid a "lubrication bath", who is CLEARLY gay without the need to cite reasons. C-3PO's gayness is WELL established canon. NOBODY argues this. There is, however, a raging debate concerning what potentially hedonistic shenanigans might have occurred if Luke and C-3PO had somehow met up with Jar-Jar Binks at said "lubrication bath". You can just hear the guitar in your head going "chiki-baow-baow chiki-baow-baow" followed shortly thereafter by C-3PO exclaiming "Curse my metal body, I wasn't fast enough!" [Lucas:SWIV:ANH] But the clincher for Luke occurred during the daring rescue of Princess Leia from the Death Star detention level. Luke and Han Solo had stolen a couple of Stormtrooper uniforms and thus made their way undetected to the detention level. Luke then opens up the door to Leia's prison cell and she sarcastically quips "Aren't you a little short for a Stormtrooper?" [Lucas:SWIV:ANH] Now, many of the uneducated variety simply assume that Leia is talking about Luke's actual HEIGHT. But religious scholars, citing the numerous hints throughout the 4th, 5th and 6th Gospels of Lucas, believe that the "short" that Leia refers to is actually Luke's phallus which once again failed to lengthen despite the sight of Leia lying seductively on her cell bench. Although there are other instances where Luke reveals his gayness, the one that is the nail in Luke's coffin is revealed during a conversation between Darth Vader and Emperor Palpatine where Vader admits "I have felt him." [Lucas:SWVI:ROTJ]. So to answer your question, Luke IS gay. WHY? Recent experimental evidence has revealed that there is a gay gene !!! BURN, VOX !!! You set YOURSELF up for that one! LOL!


Was it shock at his incestuous desires toward his sister?
It was shock only in the sense that it was overwhelmingly understood that Luke was gay, which would lead one to ask why did he kiss Leia in the Fifth Gospel of Lucas? Well, scholars speculate that he was trying to make Han Solo jealous. Again, the uneducated KNOWS this already, but they believe that Han Solo is jealous of LUKE because he gets to kiss Princess hotty. But scholars know better. They realize that Luke was trying to make Han Solo jealous of LEIA for getting to kiss Luke. But scholars overwhelmingly agree that Han Solo himself was most certainly NOT gay. In fact, you simply have to look at his name for confirmation of this. Han Solo was reputed to be a chronic masturbator and did the deed while Chewbacca watched. Due to his penchant for masturbating, he dubbed himself Hand Solo. His co-pilot, Chewbacca, felt that Solo should be a little bit more subtle and thus persuaded Solo to drop the 'd' from his first name, thus resulting in Han Solo. Damn, I've gone off track again...


And what mystical force is at play when a 10 year old Darth Vader gets jinky with a 25 year old Princess Im-a-Doll-a
Heh heh! Im-a-doll-a! Anyway, I need to correct your facts by stating that, at the time that the two star-crossed lovers meet in Watto's junk shop on Tatooine, canon states that Anakin is 10 years old and Amidala is 14 years old. We're talking about AMIDALA here, not Michael Jackson. Anyway, most Jedianity devotees still cringe uneasily at the age difference between the two. To answer your question about what mystical force is at play? If you weren't a non-believing heretic, you would KNOW that said force is TESTOSTERONE! I thought that was obvious! Anyway, there is a point during the First Gospel of Lucas where Anakin exclaims "yipee!" and scholars were wondering if Anakin had the gay gene, thus explaining the gayness of his future son Luke. But later on in the Gospel, Anakin is flying his Naboo fighter in the climactic battle and there is some monologue that the boy uses which scholars believe has been expertly removed from another scene and spliced into the space battle scene. The scene where the audio is believed to be spliced from is a deleted scene that takes place at Shmi Skywalker's slave quarters where she has put up Qui-Gon, Amidala and Jar-Jar for the night. We see Anakin sneaking into Amidala's room and closing the door behind him. Unfortunately, scholars don't get to SEE what happens next, but you can clearly hear Anakin hollering such exclamations as "Let's try spinning! That's a good trick!" along with "Now THAT'S pod racing!" [Lucas:SWI:TPM] Clearly, the Force is with young Anakin in his quest to acquire some Nabooty and his future path has been "laid" down so to speak.


I hope these questions arent too hard?
BRING IT OOONNNNNN, SUCKAH !!!!

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

My avatar is definite proof of the force working strong in my Wangsaber... Heh!! How about THAT?!?
It's a common misconception that the level of midichlorians in the body is the ONLY indicator as to one's strength in the Force. When it comes to the almighty wangsaber, strength in the Force is determined by LENGTH. And judging by dutchie's avatar, he is STRONG in the Force !!! Not that I'm looking or anything...

[40oz]

Why dont ya kiss his a little more.

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

Why dont ya kiss his a little more.
LOL!!! You'd like to watch, wouldn't you? LOL!!!
You REALLY need to work on your comebacks, 40oz. I mean... come ON! (don't get TOO excited, 40oz, I don't mean 'come' in the way that you're currently fantasizing) I think that you should stay away from the "gay marriage" thread, cuz it seems to be "rubbing" off on you...

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

THIS JUST IN...
Jedianity scholars have been furiously studying a recent communique from the mysterious entity known simply as 40oz. Said communique was as follows:


Why dont ya kiss his a little more.

For years, scholars have debated as to the allegiance of 40oz. Is he a Jedi or is he a Sith? In a stunning turn of events, scholars point to this recent communique by 40oz as proof that he is definitely NOT a Jedi. Nay, but the comment clearly reveals homosodomitic tendencies that must be running rampant in his disturbed mind. Scholars also look back at previous observations of 40oz to support this claim, pointing out his refusal to clip his lightsaber handle on his belt, preferring instead to tightly grip the phallic-shaped handle at all times. They also cite his penchant for spending long cold nights curled up with ewoks, which also sheds light on the long-standing mystery of why said ewoks tend to walk with an awkward limp the following morning and why the local drugstore is always sold out of Vaseline. Scholars also point to MANY other instances which lend even more support to the theory that 40oz is not a Jedi. Nay, Jedianity scholars are now certain that 40oz is most definitely a Sith, or at the very least an anagram of it...

[Edge]

My avatar is definite proof of the force working strong in my Wangsaber... Heh!! How about THAT?!?
* dutchie lights another fag, and burns away half of his moustache...

I may be feeling the effects of excess alcohol but regardless that is classic Dutchie humour right there folks. It is worthy of every single bit of praise that it receives.

Hail Dutchie and the Beers that come from his birthland! :jamn:

[voxpopulisuxx]

LOL!!! I was wondering when Vox was going to join in the party! I'll try to do my best to answer your questions:


I sense a can of worms about to be opened here! LOL! Okay, I'll have to reply first by saying that Luke was gay MUCH before ROTJ. Many Jedianity scholars point to his whiny quip of "But I was going to go to Toshi Station to pick up some power converters!" as the first thing to lead to this suspicion. As well, in the first third of the Fourth Gospel of Lucas, Luke walks away from his Tatooine home and stares longingly into the sky as dusk approaches as melancholy music plays in the background. But despite the fact that there are TWO moons side-by-side in the sky, which scholars agree overwhelmingly is symbolic of a pair of female breasts, we fail to observe ANY degree of chubby at ALL from Luke. Scholars also point out how much time Luke initially spends with C-3PO, actually going as far as giving the protocol droid a "lubrication bath", who is CLEARLY gay without the need to cite reasons. C-3PO's gayness is WELL established canon. NOBODY argues this. There is, however, a raging debate concerning what potentially hedonistic shenanigans might have occurred if Luke and C-3PO had somehow met up with Jar-Jar Binks at said "lubrication bath". You can just hear the guitar in your head going "chiki-baow-baow chiki-baow-baow" followed shortly thereafter by C-3PO exclaiming "Curse my metal body, I wasn't fast enough!" [Lucas:SWIV:ANH] But the clincher for Luke occurred during the daring rescue of Princess Leia from the Death Star detention level. Luke and Han Solo had stolen a couple of Stormtrooper uniforms and thus made their way undetected to the detention level. Luke then opens up the door to Leia's prison cell and she sarcastically quips "Aren't you a little short for a Stormtrooper?" [Lucas:SWIV:ANH] Now, many of the uneducated variety simply assume that Leia is talking about Luke's actual HEIGHT. But religious scholars, citing the numerous hints throughout the 4th, 5th and 6th Gospels of Lucas, believe that the "short" that Leia refers to is actually Luke's phallus which once again failed to lengthen despite the sight of Leia lying seductively on her cell bench. Although there are other instances where Luke reveals his gayness, the one that is the nail in Luke's coffin is revealed during a conversation between Darth Vader and Emperor Palpatine where Vader admits "I have felt him." [Lucas:SWVI:ROTJ]. So to answer your question, Luke IS gay. WHY? Recent experimental evidence has revealed that there is a gay gene !!! BURN, VOX !!! You set YOURSELF up for that one! LOL!


It was shock only in the sense that it was overwhelmingly understood that Luke was gay, which would lead one to ask why did he kiss Leia in the Fifth Gospel of Lucas? Well, scholars speculate that he was trying to make Han Solo jealous. Again, the uneducated KNOWS this already, but they believe that Han Solo is jealous of LUKE because he gets to kiss Princess hotty. But scholars know better. They realize that Luke was trying to make Han Solo jealous of LEIA for getting to kiss Luke. But scholars overwhelmingly agree that Han Solo himself was most certainly NOT gay. In fact, you simply have to look at his name for confirmation of this. Han Solo was reputed to be a chronic masturbator and did the deed while Chewbacca watched. Due to his penchant for masturbating, he dubbed himself Hand Solo. His co-pilot, Chewbacca, felt that Solo should be a little bit more subtle and thus persuaded Solo to drop the 'd' from his first name, thus resulting in Han Solo. Damn, I've gone off track again...


Heh heh! Im-a-doll-a! Anyway, I need to correct your facts by stating that, at the time that the two star-crossed lovers meet in Watto's junk shop on Tatooine, canon states that Anakin is 10 years old and Amidala is 14 years old. We're talking about AMIDALA here, not Michael Jackson. Anyway, most Jedianity devotees still cringe uneasily at the age difference between the two. To answer your question about what mystical force is at play? If you weren't a non-believing heretic, you would KNOW that said force is TESTOSTERONE! I thought that was obvious! Anyway, there is a point during the First Gospel of Lucas where Anakin exclaims "yipee!" and scholars were wondering if Anakin had the gay gene, thus explaining the gayness of his future son Luke. But later on in the Gospel, Anakin is flying his Naboo fighter in the climactic battle and there is some monologue that the boy uses which scholars believe has been expertly removed from another scene and spliced into the space battle scene. The scene where the audio is believed to be spliced from is a deleted scene that takes place at Shmi Skywalker's slave quarters where she has put up Qui-Gon, Amidala and Jar-Jar for the night. We see Anakin sneaking into Amidala's room and closing the door behind him. Unfortunately, scholars don't get to SEE what happens next, but you can clearly hear Anakin hollering such exclamations as "Let's try spinning! That's a good trick!" along with "Now THAT'S pod racing!" [Lucas:SWI:TPM] Clearly, the Force is with young Anakin in his quest to acquire some Nabooty and his future path has been "laid" down so to speak.


BRING IT OOONNNNNN, SUCKAH !!!!
I dont care who you are that was funny...you owe me for handing you such fertile questions...Im -a-Doll-a looked way older then 14 in that movie.

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

I dont care who you are that was funny...you owe me for handing you such fertile questions...
LOL! Yeah, that was pure GOLD, Vox! Keep giving me funny questions and I'll keep churning out ridiculous answers!


Im -a-Doll-a looked way older then 14 in that movie.
Yeah, alot of people thought that it was borderline pedophilia when the movie came out. Lucas explained that all of the Queens of Naboo are actually elected by the citizens and that it is tradition that the Queens are very young. I can't remember the exact reason for this, but that was the explanation. She looked much older because of the make-up, her wardrobe and her mannerisms. Just as a curious side note, if you look closely at the woman who is Amidala's decoy, you'll see that the actress is none other than Keira Knightley! Not too many people are aware of this. Anyway, have a good Easter weekend...

[Skippy]

okay, so let me see if I have gotten this straight so far.... a fictional religion has been created out of a science fiction movie that is essentially a futuristic version of previous literature in a loose form of collage that contains another collage of eastern and western religions and it is this fictional religion that is te subject of discussion as if it were real.

One the subject of the fictional religion....not very good I have to say. The requirement for an extensive talmud is too great that more discussion would be necessary before this relgion could be applied to people and their daily lives. The entire myth is not based upon the people it is meant to serve, but instead on the elite few and their interactions with each other. Thus we can only conclude that it is more akin to the Greco-Roman and the Hindu mythology, and not truly a relgion for the people.

Rather than teachers who go out to the masses and impart some form of wisdom, we see instead a pantheon of sorts manipulating the celestial regions far above the people, but of course for the good of the people, but always with a large internal drama taking place, and always, ALWAYS! that love triangle that Americans demand form a central part to every plot that comes out of Hollywood.

When you boil it down, the Star Wars series is nothing more than a revisit of Lord of the Rings with Lasers. In fact, the Jedi religion is a play upon the mythology in Lord of the Rings so one can't even really say that the Jedi crap is anything new other than terminology.

So to approach this religion as anything other than a comparison of the influences that created it is essentially a waste of time from an academic perspective, but from a humour perspective will allow for months worth of toilet humour.

And, until such a time as inter-species sexual relations are completely defined and regulated, and there are protestors in the streets shouting and screaming obscenities in the name of love of friendship while physically assaulting their subjects, how can I take any of this seriously?

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

how can I take any of this seriously?
Bingo...


So to approach this religion as anything other than a comparison of the influences that created it is essentially a waste of time from an academic perspective
Funny that you should talk about influences. By the way, I agree with some of your comparisons as very little of what people consider "new" nowadays is far from that. Anyway, Christianity itself is based on previous religions and myths SO CLOSELY that, although I consider Jesus and his exploits (non-mystical and non-miraculous ones) to be historical fact, its striking similarities to Pagan, Egyptian and Greek myths lead one to think twice about this and consider the possibility that maybe none if it actually happened at all, that it is just simply a re-hashing of previous myths. Thus making it "essentially a waste of time from an academic perspective".


but from a humour perspective will allow for months worth of toilet humour.
Bingo...

Now, do you have a question regarding the Jedianity Religion?

[Skippy]

Funny that you should talk about influences. By the way, I agree with some of your comparisons as very little of what people consider "new" nowadays is far from that. Anyway, Christianity itself is based on previous religions and myths SO CLOSELY that, although I consider Jesus and his exploits (non-mystical and non-miraculous ones) to be historical fact, its striking similarities to Pagan, Egyptian and Greek myths lead one to think twice about this and consider the possibility that maybe none if it actually happened at all, that it is just simply a re-hashing of previous myths. Thus making it "essentially a waste of time from an academic perspective".


Sort of yes, but in your little nutshell you have gotten so much wrong about Christianity and its origins, and the origins of religion that you are way out of your league on this one, you who has not read the story of John the Baptist wants to make any comment on it's origins? Stick to Star Wars.


Bingo...


Now, do you have a question regarding the Jedianity Religion?
None that I couldn't answer myself.

[DontBeAfraid]

Somebody please remove skippy's feeding tube.....

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

but in your little nutshell you have gotten so much wrong about Christianity and its origins, and the origins of religion that you are way out of your league on this one
I'm going to have to turn that accusation right around and back at you. Read the following to be enlightened. I suspect you won't read it though...

Jesus Christ is a mythological character along the same lines as the Greek, Roman, Egyptian, Sumerian, Phoenician, Indian or other godmen, who are all presently accepted as myths rather than historical figures.

The Jesus story incorporated elements from the tales of other deities recorded in this widespread area, such as many of the following world saviors and "sons of God," most or all of whom predate the Christian myth, and a number of whom were crucified or executed. Here is a SMALL sample of such characters:

Adad of Assyria
Adonis, Apollo, Heracles ("Hercules") and Zeus of Greece
Alcides of Thebes
Attis of Phrygia
Baal of Phoenicia
Bali of Afghanistan
Beddru of Japan
Buddha of India
Crite of Chaldea
Deva Tat of Siam
Hesus of the Druids
Horus, Osiris, and Serapis of Egypt, whose long-haired, bearded appearance was adopted for the Christ character
Indra of Tibet/India
Jao of Nepal
Krishna of India
Mikado of the Sintoos
Mithra of Persia
Odin of the Scandinavians
Prometheus of Caucasus/Greece
Quetzalcoatl of Mexico
Salivahana of Bermuda
Tammuz of Syria (who was, in a typical mythmaking move, later turned into the disciple Thomas)
Thor of the Gauls
Universal Monarch of the Sibyls
Wittoba of the Bilingonese
Xamolxis of Thrace
Zarathustra/Zoroaster of Persia
Zoar of the Bonzes

A century ago, mythicist Albert Churchward said, "The canonical gospels can be shown to be a collection of sayings from the Egyptian Mythos and Eschatology." In Forgery in Christianity, Joseph Wheless states, "The gospels are all priestly forgeries over a century after their pretended dates." Those who concocted some of the hundreds of "alternative" gospels and epistles that were being kicked about during the first several centuries C.E. have even admitted that they had forged the documents. Forgery during the first centuries of the Church's existence was admittedly rampant, so common in fact that a new phrase was coined to describe it: "pious fraud." Such prevarication is confessed to repeatedly in the Catholic Encyclopedia. Some of the "great" church fathers, such as Eusebius, were determined by their own peers to be unbelievable liars who regularly wrote their own fictions of what "the Lord" said and did during "his" alleged sojourn upon the earth.

The assertion that Jesus Christ is a myth can be proved not only through the works of dissenters and "pagans" who knew the truth - and who were viciously refuted or murdered for their battle against the Christian priests and "Church Fathers" fooling the masses with their fictions - but also through the very statements of the Christians themselves, who continuously disclose that they knew Jesus Christ was a myth founded upon more ancient deities located throughout the known ancient world. In fact, Pope Leo X, privy to the truth because of his high rank, made this curious declaration, "What profit has not that fable of Christ brought us!"

"The so-called 'canonical' books of the New Testament, as of the Old, are a mess of contradictions and confusions of text, to the present estimate of 150,000 and more 'variant readings,' as is well known and admitted." In addition, of the dozens of gospels, ones that were once considered canonical or genuine were later rejected as "apocryphal" or spurious, and vice versa. So much for the "infallible Word of God" and "infallible" Church! The confusion exists because the Christian plagiarists over the centuries were attempting to amalgamate and fuse practically every myth, fairytale, legend, doctrine or bit of wisdom they could pilfer from the innumerable different mystery religions and philosophies that existed at the time. In doing so, they forged, interpolated, mutilated, changed, and rewrote these texts for centuries.

Basically, there are no non-biblical references to a historical Jesus by any known historian of the time during and after Jesus's purported advent. Walker says, "No literate person of his own time mentioned him in any known writing." Eminent Hellenistic Jewish historian and philosopher Philo (20 B.C.E.-50 C.E.), alive at the purported time of Jesus, makes no mention of him. Nor do any of the some 40 other historians who wrote during the first one to two centuries of the Common Era. "Enough of the writings of [these] authors...remain to form a library. Yet in this mass of Jewish and Pagan literature, aside from two forged passages in the works of a Jewish author, and two disputed passages in the works of Roman writers, there is to be found no mention of Jesus Christ." Their silence is deafening testimony against the historicizers.

In actuality, the legend of Jesus nearly identically parallels the story of Krishna, for example, even in detail, as was presented by noted mythologist and scholar Gerald Massey over 100 years ago, as well as by Rev. Robert Taylor 160 years ago, among others. The Krishna tale as told in the Hindu Vedas has been dated to at least as far back as 1400 B.C.E. The same can be said of the well-woven Horus mythos, which also is practically identical, in detail, to the Jesus story, but which predates the Christian version by thousands of years.

This is just the tip of the iceberg. But I know from experience that religious folk don't put much credence in common sense, logic or facts. So I don't expect you to believe any of what I've just posted. In fact, I'll be surprised if you've even read it.


None that I couldn't answer myself.
Good. Then you don't have any reason to post in this thread any more. Leave us alone so that we can continue to have our fun in this thread. Oh, I forgot... for religious fanatics like yourself, it's in your nature to stick your nose where it has no business being and to prevent other people from having fun. Leave us alone. Oh yeah, leave the gay people alone so that they can get married like anybody else.

[Skippy]

The article that you pasted makes many valid points, and I could provide you with more information from better sources. Unfortunately, the author of that piece is not all that well researched and makes sweeping claims without support. I could do a better job making comparisons with Celtic mythology. Btw, you wield the term myth and mythology in the context of religion without having any clue to its definition.

[DontBeAfraid]

Skippy, aside from your last two lines you could cut and paste your response into almost any conversation..... Bill went to a little trouble to show your the facts.... If you are going to dispute those facts then please dispute those facts.... dont just tell us you can.

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

The article that you pasted makes many valid points, and I could provide you with more information from better sources. Unfortunately, the author of that piece is not all that well researched and makes sweeping claims without support. I could do a better job making comparisons with Celtic mythology.
Check out this pic:
http://www.medmalexperts.com/POCM/headers/header_slices/h_getting_started_pocm_right_r1_c1.jpg
Look familiar? That's right! It's Dionysus! Oh wait, that's... not... who you thought it was?

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

Skippy, aside from your last two lines you could cut and paste your response into almost any conversation..... Bill went to a little trouble to show your the facts.... If you are going to dispute those facts then please dispute those facts.... dont just tell us you can.
Unfortunately, I don't think Skippy is interested in facts. DontBeAfraid, you and other atheists on this forum are smart enough to realize how useless it is to try and convince the religious posters via the use of facts and evidence. They see what they want to see, turning a blind eye to logic. I'm finally starting to realize this myself. The level of ignorance that they display is simply appalling. But if they want to dedicate their lives to a lie, then so be it.

From now on, please stick to the topic of this thread - Jedianity. Trolls are not welcome...

[DontBeAfraid]

Im actually agnostic.

[Havoc Angel]

Yeah, i got one.

Who was responsible for the deploying of the ATATs (those 4 legged things) on the attack of the rebel base and what happened to that person for this tactical foolishness? I mean that was a snow wasteland not some difficult terrain, some tanks would have done a better job and would have been less vulnerable.
My guess is that it was some heretic from Irata who later defected and created the M.U.L.E religion but i am not quite sure about it. The only hint i have for this is the similarity in design of the ATATs and the M.U.L.E.s
Can you shed some light in this matter?
Thanks.

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

Yeah, i got one.
Excellent! Now maybe we can get back on track here without any more interruptions from blasphemous non-believers!


Who was responsible for the deploying of the ATATs (those 4 legged things) on the attack of the rebel base and what happened to that person for this tactical foolishness?
Excellent question, Havoc Angel! Although you borderline on heresy for thinking that I don't know what an AT-AT is! However, I will forgive your blasphemous words! An interesting sidenote to the AT-AT's is that most ignorant and uneducated people believe that AT-AT stands for All-Terrain Attack Transport. Unfortunately, those people should be burned at the stake! Nay, but AT-AT stands for All-Terrain ARMORED Transport. Not to be picky or anything, but there should also be a hyphen separating the two AT's as I have correctly an non-blasphemingly indicated. But that's okay! Anyway, back to your thoughtful question, heathen! The situation that you speak of is contained in the Fifth Gospel of Lucas. Having discovered the new rebel base on the ice planet of Hoth, Darth Vader leads several Imperial Star Destroyers in his own personal Super Star Destroyer, The Executor, to the Hoth system. Acting of his own accord, fleet Admiral Kendal Ozzel brought the small Star Destroyer fleet out of light speed too close to the Hoth system, thus alerting the rebel base of the imminent Imperial attack. Now, this doesn't exactly answer your question, but Darth Vader Force chokes Ozzel to death for his stupidity and subsequently promotes Captain Piett to the rank of Admiral. Now, with the rebel base alerted to the presence of the Imperial fleet, the rebels activate a powerful force field which prevents the Imperial fleet from simply bombarding the base from orbit. Thus, the Empire is forced to land troops away from the rebel base and use the AT-AT's to approach the rebel base underneath the energy shield. Ironically, it is Darth Vader that orders this maneuver because of Admiral Ozzel's blunder. Therefore, your flippant comment about the person who committed this "tactical foolishness" is out-and-out blasphemy, despite it being correct! An Imperial Interrogator Droid has been dispatched to your home. Please remain where you are.


I mean that was a snow wasteland not some difficult terrain, some tanks would have done a better job and would have been less vulnerable.
One might mistakenly think that tanks might work better than AT-AT's in the snow. But a closer look at the situation reveals why this option was rejected. With all of the snow on Hoth, the rebels, as a method of defense, built an extensive labyrinth of streets and driveways around their base. For maintenance purposes, they regularly shoveled these driveways. Upon detecting the arrival of the Imperial fleet, their brilliant defence strategy was put into action. Within MINUTES, despite the countless hours needed to keep the driveways cleared of snow, several snow plows were dispatched and they unceremoniously piled up veritable WALLS of snow infront of the previously cleared driveways. This build-up of "snow walls" effectively rendered tanks useless. The more versatile AT-AT's were then used instead. Your comments that the AT-AT's were "vulnerable" are again borderline heresy! I think it would do you some good to be Force-choked! (If 40oz and/or Skippy is reading this, please do NOT get excited - I don't mean "choke" in the way that you are currently thinking as in "choke the chicken") My point is that the AT-AT's did the JOB! Those rebels scattered like 40oz and Skippy at a "Queer Eye For the Straight Guy" convention...


My guess is that it was some heretic from Irata who later defected and created the M.U.L.E religion but i am not quite sure about it.
Your guess is insightful, if not heretical. Jedianity scholars have considered that it was not Darth Vader who made this tactical decision, but in fact some heretic as you have suggested. Yes, this heretic may have come from Irata, although scholars point to an equal likelihood that said heretic came from either Noisivilletni, Erodommoc, Odnetnin or possibly even Yob Emag. Although the mere mention of this heretic possibly originating from the planet of Yob Emag usually draws guffaws from Jedianity scholars who point out that said heretic could easily have also originated from the planet Lrig Emag, Yob Emag's sister planet. As far as the identity of the mysterious heretic, scholars can only speculate. Several names can be found in folklore, such as Pat and Chris, but the name that pops up most often is Amanda. Although not much is known about the life of this heretic, folklore often describes this person as being ambiguous, indecisive and uncertain. Skeptics, critical of this mysterious heretic's unwillingness to come out of the closet, so to speak, and face the public are often heard using harsh criticisms such as "I wish this guy would have some balls and show himself!" or "What a mama's boy!" I hope that I wasn't too ambiguous with my response... :wink:

[voxpopulisuxx]

Check out this pic:
http://www.medmalexperts.com/POCM/headers/header_slices/h_getting_started_pocm_right_r1_c1.jpg
Look familiar? That's right! It's Dionysus! Oh wait, that's... not... who you thought it was?
nye, the greek letters dont seem to support your claim(I could be wrong), can I have a source for this photo?
You can answer this at Catholic questions...
I have a problem. can you explain why I saw a zipper along the backs of not a few ewoks? My faith has been shaken by what could be the worst costume work in hollywood.

[Skippy]

nye, the greek letters dont seem to support your claim(I could be wrong), can I have a source for this photo?


Basically it is a clay tablet that allegedly dates to 200 years before Christ and is depicting Bacchus (Dionysus) being crucificied. It's not all that big of a shocker considering many of the attributes that are attributed to Christ are the same as those that were attributed to Bacchus.

Unfortunately for Nye, this isn't some deep dark secret that is wrapped in a conspiracy of secrecy, with mysterious castles and secret societies. Really, it has no impact watsoever on Christian beliefs, and in fact, the more you know about messianic beliefs in ancient cultures, the more you will discover that rather than detracting from the Christ myth it in fact supports it.

I do love how those "scholars" who like to throw out stuff like this clay tablet etc, and make all kinds of claims to "pagan" origins of Christianity, yet fail to realise that pagan is a broad term, it comes from the Roman meaning "country" as in countryside, and it refers to a broad spectrum of religious beliefs that cannot be grouped together under that umbrella when making comparisons.

The problem comes from the fact that there are a lot of different Christian denominations out there who for centuries have been weaving a tapestry of legend and myth into the commonly held "story" that tends to exist today, and then when the reality of Christianity surfaces it shatters the illusion that was created for them and some wild American 20 year old will proclaim that it's all Lies! Lies! Lies!.......but, all the while Graham slept on*....the fact is, all of these reality "clay tablets" have been there all along, and when examined in the proper context in fact lend themselves to proving Christianity as correct.

*10 points if you know what this references to, 50 pts if you understand the context. :)

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

Basically it is a clay tablet that allegedly dates to 200 years before Christ and is depicting Bacchus (Dionysus) being crucificied. It's not all that big of a shocker considering many of the attributes that are attributed to Christ are the same as those that were attributed to Bacchus.

Unfortunately for Nye, this isn't some deep dark secret that is wrapped in a conspiracy of secrecy, with mysterious castles and secret societies. Really, it has no impact watsoever on Christian beliefs, and in fact, the more you know about messianic beliefs in ancient cultures, the more you will discover that rather than detracting from the Christ myth it in fact supports it.
Let me get this straight... You admit that this tablet originated 200 years BEFORE Christ, but it means NOTHING? Go back to post #41 and just glance at the list of mythological figures that were around BEFORE Christ and whose situations were veritable carbon copies of Christ and His life. Christ is a COPY of mythological figures BEFORE Him, some of which occured SEVERAL CENTURIES BEFORE Christ. How this supports Christianity is beyond logic. Oh, unless you're talking about the classical Christian "comeback" which says that the wiley Satan, harboring the knowledge that Christ was coming, forged this tablet along with countless other pre-Christ religious artifacts and myths in an attempt to "prove" that Christ was just a copy of prior mythological figures. Lame...


I do love how those "scholars" who like to throw out stuff like this clay tablet etc, and make all kinds of claims to "pagan" origins of Christianity, yet fail to realise that pagan is a broad term, it comes from the Roman meaning "country" as in countryside, and it refers to a broad spectrum of religious beliefs that cannot be grouped together under that umbrella when making comparisons.
I realize that "pagan" is a broad term. But your attempt to distract me from the incriminating evidence won't wash. It still doesn't make that clay tablet "disappear" like I'm sure you're hoping that it will. And it doesn't take away from the fact that there are countless mythological figures who "mysteriously" lived almost identical lives to that of Christ WELL BEFORE he was born. If you can't see the simple facts for what they are, then you are beyond reason and logic and there is no point in debating this issue with you any further. Please stick to the topic of this thread...


The problem comes from the fact that there are a lot of different Christian denominations out there who for centuries have been weaving a tapestry of legend and myth into the commonly held "story" that tends to exist today, and then when the reality of Christianity surfaces it shatters the illusion that was created for them and some wild American 20 year old will proclaim that it's all Lies! Lies! Lies!...
Yes, these Christian denominations weaved their tapestry of legend and compounded the Christ carbon copy by adding more lies and stories AFTER Christ lived. Unfortunately, the SMALL list that I provided for you in post #41 is a list of "Christ-like" mythological characters who were "invented" WELL BEFORE the coming of Christ. Thus, as you've chosen to ignore, Christ is a copy of THEM, not the other way around as you illogically believe. Again, if you can't see this information for what it is, then there is no point debating any further because you've clearly displayed your intent to ignore facts and logic...


reality of Christianity
Not to be picky or anything, but this is an oxymoron...


...the fact is, all of these reality "clay tablets" have been there all along, and when examined in the proper context in fact lend themselves to proving Christianity as correct.
Wow. Do you actually understand the concept of time?

Please stick to the thread topic, Skippy!

[Skippy]

Let me get this straight... You admit that this tablet originated 200 years BEFORE Christ, but it means NOTHING? Go back to post #41 and just glance at the list of mythological figures that were around BEFORE Christ and whose situations were veritable carbon copies of Christ and His life. Christ is a COPY of mythological figures BEFORE Him, some of which occured SEVERAL CENTURIES BEFORE Christ. How this supports Christianity is beyond logic. Oh, unless you're talking about the classical Christian "comeback" which says that the wiley Satan, harboring the knowledge that Christ was coming, forged this tablet along with countless other pre-Christ religious artifacts and myths in an attempt to "prove" that Christ was just a copy of prior mythological figures. Lame...

Yep...patent pending. Unfortunately, you know too little about those previous mythological figures, the birth of religion, forming of society, and you know know very little of Christianity beyond what you may have read in some select articles on the internet. By your own admission you refuse to even read the Bible, so any discourse with you would be fraught with annoyance.

As I said, the knowledge you impart has been known for centuries by many. it is only the likes of you, who admits their ignorance on the subject of Christianity that seem to place any weight on it. You are so much of an idiot that you will never realize how little you know on this subject, yet you will always proclaim to have more answers than you know questions.


I realize that "pagan" is a broad term. But your attempt to distract me from the incriminating evidence won't wash. It still doesn't make that clay tablet "disappear" like I'm sure you're hoping that it will. And it doesn't take away from the fact that there are countless mythological figures who "mysteriously" lived almost identical lives to that of Christ WELL BEFORE he was born. If you can't see the simple facts for what they are, then you are beyond reason and logic and there is no point in debating this issue with you any further. Please stick to the topic of this thread...

This is so funny that one cannot figure out where to start making fun of you. Incriminating evidence? Yes, your honour, you have examined all the facts in your miniature brochure and weighed all of the evidence and counsel has made their submissions.....

There is no reason to want the clat tablet to disappear. Its weight on the subject is only heavy for you because it is news for you.

Logic....I love that word since I work in logic all the time....real logic...not the Star Wars Religion kind though. By you logical thinking, because the Swastika is an ancient symbol found in the eastern religions, it's use by the Nazis (albeit slightly modified) is incriminating evidence to prove that the Nazis were copy-cats (patent pending) and therefore did not exist in history because the SYMBOL was previously used.





Wow. Do you actually understand the concept of time?

Please stick to the thread topic, Skippy!

So much better than you....hence why I have a better grasp of history and religion than you do. In fact, I know all kinds of things that you don't because I have read the sources of the webpage articles you rely on, and I've also read the Bible in different versions, along with all of the books that are not included in the Bible. So perhaps your ego should just accept that you are a lawn mower mechanic trying to explain to a race car engineer the theory of aerodynamics.

So yeah, back to your topic, when can I expect a response to my question about inter-species sexual relations? That has more to do with your religion, O Master Nye-da than script what if scenarios.

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

As I said, the knowledge you impart has been known for centuries by many. it is only the likes of you, who admits their ignorance on the subject of Christianity that seem to place any weight on it.
You're correct! I typed "Christianity pagan origins" into the Google search box and only ONE result came back - MINE! Oh no, wait... wait a minute... oh my... there appears to be 420,000 OTHER results for this search term. But YOU said that I was the ONLY one who places any weight on this. Hmmm... now logic would dictate that this actually refutes your statement. But since we're in the "Religion" forum, I realize that we must abandon all logic. But how do we explain the 420,000 other Google results? Oh well, I guess we could always just chalk it up to "God works in mysterious ways". It's worked so many times before...


You are so much of an idiot that you will never realize how little you know on this subject, yet you will always proclaim to have more answers than you know questions.
Ummm, I never claimed to be an expert on Christianity and I've never claimed to have all the answers. Nobody can possibly know all of the answers unless they become Catholic...


This is so funny that one cannot figure out where to start making fun of you. Incriminating evidence? Yes, your honour, you have examined all the facts in your miniature brochure and weighed all of the evidence and counsel has made their submissions.....

There is no reason to want the clat tablet to disappear. Its weight on the subject is only heavy for you because it is news for you.
I'd like to request the source from which you've based your insightful response. You still have yet to prove how a clay tablet contains the image of Christ on the Cross a full 200 years BEFORE Christ. I just get ambiguous double-talk. I've given you FACTS. You have NOT. All you've given me is some inane dialogue that reveals your love of Judge Wapner. Simply saying that I'm wrong is not a good rebuttal, Skippy. Facts would be better. That is, if you can find any...


Logic....I love that word since I work in logic all the time....real logic...not the Star Wars Religion kind though.
LOL! Yeah, the Stars Wars thread has DEFINITELY pissed you off! It explains your trolling. The funny thing is how EASY is was to set up my own religion. The presence of the Force answers ALL questions. You CANNOT prove that the Force doesn't exist and that irritates you to no end as is easily seen in your venemous and trolling posts. And this leads you to the revelation of the lie that you've been living your entire life. And THAT was the point of this thread. "All too easy." - Darth Vader [Lucas:SWV:ESB]


By you logical thinking, because the Swastika is an ancient symbol found in the eastern religions, it's use by the Nazis (albeit slightly modified) is incriminating evidence to prove that the Nazis were copy-cats (patent pending) and therefore did not exist in history because the SYMBOL was previously used.
I would like to congratulate you on actually utilizing LOGIC with these thoughts. Isn't it nice to question things that don't make sense? Anyway, your analogy is not bad, but you assume that I use this as my only evidence that religion is a sham. Not so. Information such as what I've provided gives you evidence as to where all of the Christian symbols originated. By itself, this does not prove that Jesus did not exist. You must combine this symbol evidence with the fact that, outside of the New Testament, there is a startling MINISCULE amount of mention of Jesus and his life in historical records. There were approximately 40 important historians and philosophers living at the time that Jesus supposedly lived and it's quite remarkable how little is written about Him. In fact, what little that IS written about him has been shown to be forgeries. So, outside of the New Testament, Jesus is noticeably conspicuous by his absence in the historical record of the time. Combine this with the ENORMOUS amounts of almost identical and already existing myths that remarkably parallel the so-called life of Jesus, and logic dictates that Jesus is simply another mythical figure in a LONG line of mythical figures, and not even an original one at that. Deal with it...


So much better than you....hence why I have a better grasp of history and religion than you do. In fact, I know all kinds of things that you don't because I have read the sources of the webpage articles you rely on
Wow! You MUST know all kinds of things that I don't judging by how well you know ME! Wait a... wait a minute... is that... is that... Jesus?


and I've also read the Bible in different versions, along with all of the books that are not included in the Bible.
And the Gnostic Gospels too? Hello...? Hello...?


So perhaps your ego should just accept that you are a lawn mower mechanic trying to explain to a race car engineer the theory of aerodynamics.
Another good analogy! I'm impressed, but only for a second because the analogy sounds like something that a NASCAR fan might say. Not that there's anything wrong with being a... aaawww, who am I kidding?


So yeah, back to your topic, when can I expect a response to my question about inter-species sexual relations? That has more to do with your religion, O Master Nye-da than script what if scenarios.
The Force works in mysterious ways, my child. Yeah, I know, it's an unsatisfactory cop-out answer. Well, you should know. Do not question the Force or you will suffer for all eternity in the fiery hell of Mustafar with sodomizing wookiees while watching endless repeats of "Queer Eye For the Straight Guy". Religious blackmail is a bitch, isn't it?

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

Wow, I just realized that Skippy hasn't used ONE word of tangible fact or evidence to support ANYTHING that he has said so far. Interesting...

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

I have a problem. can you explain why I saw a zipper along the backs of not a few ewoks? My faith has been shaken by what could be the worst costume work in hollywood.
A valid question, my child. Your faith may have been shaken like Skippy's fist when he's locked in the bathroom with a Victoria's Secret catalogue, BUT DO NOT WAVER!!! I shall remove such blasphemous thoughts from your mind! Hollywood? What is this Hollywood that you speak of? Is it a planet? Anyway, here's the explanation. Many people are enamored by the ewoks, what with them being all cute and cuddly and furry. But looks can be deceiving! Heathenous furry little bastards are they! If you EVER encounter an ewok, RUN AWAY!!! RUN AWAY!!! A zipper you say? This is not a zipper in the conventional sense that you speak of. No, this is a natural, biological zipper much like the pouch on a kangaroo. Some believe that this "zipper" is the result of evolution. EVILution is more like it! Only non-believing infidels believe this disbelieving belief!!! We all know that it is the FORCE that is responsible. Jedianity scholars point to the simple observation that is only the effeminate-looking ewok MALES that have this zipper on their backs. It's purpose is to allow easier, non-hairy access to the "back door" for other effeminate-looking ewok males when the "mood" strikes them. If not for the ability to temporarily remove the fur, a so-called "pipe-cleaner" effect quickly ruins the mood and the sodomy is aborted. Strange noises such as "Nyub Nyub" and horn sounds can be heard at pretty much any time of the day and indicating that said critter-sodomy is occurring. The horn sound in particular has been adopted into the language of the entire galaxy, giving rise to the phrase "horny" that we still use today. But the more significant contribution of this critter-sodomy is where the name of the system is concerned. Scientists have often heard ewoks, while doing the dirty deed, exclaiming a phrase which can be loosely translated as "ass gold-mine". Thus, when naming the system of planets where the ewoks live, scientists combined the French word for gold, which is "or", with the word "end" which is a much more Jedianity-friendly word for ass. And thus the planetary system was named "Endor". So, to summarize, the zippers on the backs of some ewoks are not zippers in the way that you were thinking, rather they are a natural evolutio... errr... result of the Force that allows sodomy to thrive on the moon of Endor to this day without the discomfort of fur getting in the way. I hope that this renews your faith in Jedianity, child. If not, then an Imperial Interrogator droid will be dispatched to your home...

[voxpopulisuxx]

A valid question, my child. Your faith may have been shaken like Skippy's fist when he's locked in the bathroom with a Victoria's Secret catalogue, BUT DO NOT WAVER!!! I shall remove such blasphemous thoughts from your mind! Hollywood? What is this Hollywood that you speak of? Is it a planet? Anyway, here's the explanation. Many people are enamored by the ewoks, what with them being all cute and cuddly and furry. But looks can be deceiving! Heathenous furry little bastards are they! If you EVER encounter an ewok, RUN AWAY!!! RUN AWAY!!! A zipper you say? This is not a zipper in the conventional sense that you speak of. No, this is a natural, biological zipper much like the pouch on a kangaroo. Some believe that this "zipper" is the result of evolution. EVILution is more like it! Only non-believing infidels believe this disbelieving belief!!! We all know that it is the FORCE that is responsible. Jedianity scholars point to the simple observation that is only the effeminate-looking ewok MALES that have this zipper on their backs. It's purpose is to allow easier, non-hairy access to the "back door" for other effeminate-looking ewok males when the "mood" strikes them. If not for the ability to temporarily remove the fur, a so-called "pipe-cleaner" effect quickly ruins the mood and the sodomy is aborted. Strange noises such as "Nyub Nyub" and horn sounds can be heard at pretty much any time of the day and indicating that said critter-sodomy is occurring. The horn sound in particular has been adopted into the language of the entire galaxy, giving rise to the phrase "horny" that we still use today. But the more significant contribution of this critter-sodomy is where the name of the system is concerned. Scientists have often heard ewoks, while doing the dirty deed, exclaiming a phrase which can be loosely translated as "ass gold-mine". Thus, when naming the system of planets where the ewoks live, scientists combined the French word for gold, which is "or", with the word "end" which is a much more Jedianity-friendly word for ass. And thus the planetary system was named "Endor". So, to summarize, the zippers on the backs of some ewoks are not zippers in the way that you were thinking, rather they are a natural evolutio... errr... result of the Force that allows sodomy to thrive on the moon of Endor to this day without the discomfort of fur getting in the way. I hope that this renews your faith in Jedianity, child. If not, then an Imperial Interrogator droid will be dispatched to your home...
This entire religion was created on a backlot in Hollywood By a rich Jew named Lucus

[evilwill]

Tell me oh wise one... is it possible to buy your own Executor?

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

This entire religion was created on a backlot in Hollywood By a rich Jew named Lucus
Make that TWO Imperial Interrogator droids...

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

TEST YOUR DEVOTION TO JEDIANITY!!!
TAKE THIS TEST NOW !!!

http://www.ew.com/ew/article/quiz/0,6115,492380_1||458658|0_0_,00.html

[voxpopulisuxx]

Make that TWO Imperial Interrogator droids...
han solo is really an out of work action star who hasnt made a great movie since Indy
Princess lea is really a manic depressive actress who hasnt worked in years and was the daughter of a spouse abusing crooner.

c3p0 is really a guy in a robot suit..same for r2d2...and the meillinium falcon is really a 16" plastic toy model....
and the LOTR is a much better movie series:headbang:

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

han solo is really an out of work action star who hasnt made a great movie since Indy
INFIDEL!!! Han Solo married Princess Leia and he prefers that she wears the cinnamon-bun hair-do while they "git bizzy" so that he has handle-bars! And what does car racing have to do with Hand Solo... I mean HAN Solo...


Princess lea is really a manic depressive actress who hasnt worked in years and was the daughter of a spouse abusing crooner.
HEATHEN!!! Leia HAS had a steady job for YEARS - as Han Solo's BITCH!!! And HOW do you think that Pizza the Hutt... errr... JABBA the Hutt died? He LICKED Leia and subsequently OVERDOSED on the anti-depressants that were in her SWEAT!!! Daughter of a spouse-abusing crooner?!?!?! I FLATLY DENY that Anakin EVER sang ANY song, EVER!!! It's ALL LIES!!! REPENT!!!


c3p0 is really a guy in a robot suit..
BLASPHEMER!!! There is NO WAY that an actual human being could be THAT GAY!!! It HAS to be a ROBOT!!!


same for r2d2...
COME ON!!! You'd have to be a MIDGET to fit in R2-D2!!!


and the meillinium falcon is really a 16" plastic toy model....
Right! Yaahaaa! And Yoda is a rubber puppet with someone's HAND up his ASS!!! << tilts his head and ponders for a moment >> Although that WOULD explain why he talks backwards...


and the LOTR is a much better movie series
AS IF!!! Gay hobbits (one of whom is named Mary), a scruffy pot-smoking wizard called "Gandalf the Gay", gay Uruk-Hai lusting after man-flesh, Gandalf and Saruman carrying around phallic-shaped staves and trying to touch eachothers' palantirs, orc-lusting Frodo has a "sword" called "Sting" which turns BLUE when orcs are near, a bunch of tree-loving Ents living in "Fag-gorn" Forest, a lesbian elf called "Gay-ladriel", Boromir carrying around the obviously phallic-shaped horn (ie- dildo) of Gon-dork, a pudgy dwarf called Gimli son of Groin, and they are ALL looking for Hard-on's... errrrr... I mean SAURON's NIPPLE RING OF DOOM!!! GAY!!! REPENT!!!

<< a wicked smile forms on Bill's face and he steeples his fingers menacingly and considers starting a new thread about a Middle-Earth religion >>

[voxpopulisuxx]

INFIDEL!!! Han Solo married Princess Leia and he prefers that she wears the cinnamon-bun hair-do while they "git bizzy" so that he has handle-bars! And what does car racing have to do with Hand Solo... I mean HAN Solo...


HEATHEN!!! Leia HAS had a steady job for YEARS - as Han Solo's BITCH!!! And HOW do you think that Pizza the Hutt... errr... JABBA the Hutt died? He LICKED Leia and subsequently OVERDOSED on the anti-depressants that were in her SWEAT!!! Daughter of a spouse-abusing crooner?!?!?! I FLATLY DENY that Anakin EVER sang ANY song, EVER!!! It's ALL LIES!!! REPENT!!!


BLASPHEMER!!! There is NO WAY that an actual human being could be THAT GAY!!! It HAS to be a ROBOT!!!


COME ON!!! You'd have to be a MIDGET to fit in R2-D2!!!


Right! Yaahaaa! And Yoda is a rubber puppet with someone's HAND up his ASS!!! << tilts his head and ponders for a moment >> Although that WOULD explain why he talks backwards...


AS IF!!! Gay hobbits (one of whom is named Mary), a scruffy pot-smoking wizard called "Gandalf the Gay", gay Uruk-Hai lusting after man-flesh, Gandalf and Saruman carrying around phallic-shaped staves and trying to touch eachothers' palantirs, orc-lusting Frodo has a "sword" called "Sting" which turns BLUE when orcs are near, a bunch of tree-loving Ents living in "Fag-gorn" Forest, a lesbian elf called "Gay-ladriel", Boromir carrying around the obviously phallic-shaped horn (ie- dildo) of Gon-dork, a pudgy dwarf called Gimli son of Groin, and they are ALL looking for Hard-on's... errrrr... I mean SAURON's NIPPLE RING OF DOOM!!! GAY!!! REPENT!!!

<< a wicked smile forms on Bill's face and he steeples his fingers menacingly and considers starting a new thread about a Middle-Earth religion >>
rofl,....actually what i meant to say was...
theres more spiritual truth on the last tv episode of Battlestar Galactica!
ps, wasnt Jedianity simply the reformation against the corruption of Star Trek?
Kirk is the True leader

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

rofl,....actually what i meant to say was...
theres more spiritual truth on the last tv episode of Battlestar Galactica!
ps, wasnt Jedianity simply the reformation against the corruption of Star Trek?
Kirk is the True leader
LOL!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!
I can barely type from laughing so hard!!!
SOOOO MUCH to respond to!!! But it's getting late and I have to get ready for work tomorrow. So I'll respond tomorrow...

P.S. - God help us if we get into a "Kirk versus Picard" debate!!! LOL!!!

[Bigsky770]

. . .And cannot help but be a little depressed over a statement you'd made, please refer to your post upon the first page, Post No.#10. . .



Originally posted by B.NyeTheUruk-Hai
However, if you were a believer and not some blaspheming pagan son of a wookiee

. . .Are not "Wookies" worthy also? (or) are they to be separated as the wheat from the chafe? I have a reason for asking, (which I won't go into @ this time) BUT I would really appreciate an answer. . .Yah know. . .

Joe (Bigsky770) :vbroll:

[dutchie]

a wicked smile forms on Bill's face and he steeples his fingers menacingly and considers starting a new thread about a Middle-Earth religion

GREAT IDEA!!! I have already found the ULTIMATE scientific research source for this religion!! Ilúvatar is God!! And his children are Melkor and Manwë, evil and good in Middle Earth...

Check out http://www.glyphweb.com/arda/ !!

[repentantsinner]

This reminds me of a fantasy series called "The Belgariad". The author David Eddings said he did not want to expound on his "Bel" teachings because he did not want to start a new religion in his readers. Although not my personal beliefs did not the well respected John Lennon sing "Whatever gets you through the night, it's allright" ?

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

Okay, I finally have a break at work. SOOO many questions and sooo little time!!!


. . .Are not "Wookies" worthy also? (or) are they to be separated as the wheat from the chafe? I have a reason for asking, (which I won't go into @ this time) BUT I would really appreciate an answer. . .Yah know. . .
A very good question! Before I get started though, I would like to encourage you to think about entering my virtual confession booth and tell us your story, child. We wish to understand this "reason" that you solemnly speak of. And don't be afraid, child. We don't judge here, unless you are a non-believing blasphemer. Now, to your question. The "worthiness" of wookiees is a hotly contested area of debate among Jedianity scholars. Most certainly, the valiant exploits of Chewbacca in the Gospels of Lucas place wookiees in a good light. However, one simply needs to look no further than the Fourth Gospel of Lucas in order to determine where they stand in the galactic respectability heirarchy. At the end of the Fourth Gospel, the rebels have just destroyed the first Death Star and have returned to Yavin Four to celebrate their victory. Princess Leia is giving medals out to everyone. Everyone EXCEPT Chewbacca! Clearly, by not presenting the "walking carpet" with a medal, we are indirectly privvy to racial undertones which indicate the low placement of wookiees on the racial totem pole, not much higher than mynocks in fact. Some scholars suggest that if Chewie didn't get a medal that he should at least have been given a flea collar. So, to answer your question... NO, wookiees are most certainly NOT worthy! The ONE chance that they had for redemption was on Bespin in the Fifth Gospel of Lucas when he was choking Lando Calrissian, Cloud City's Hugh Hefner. If he had actually finished choking Lando to death, then his entire race would have been hailed as heroes. Alas, he did not and Lando still hounds women to this day. Side Note: Chewbacca actually died in the Gospel of Salvatore (aka - Vector Prime) when a moon landed on top of him as he foolishly tried to stop it with his hairy hands. Anyone too stupid to get out of the way of a falling moon DESERVES to die and is not worthy...


GREAT IDEA!!! I have already found the ULTIMATE scientific research source for this religion!! Ilúvatar is God!! And his children are Melkor and Manwë, evil and good in Middle Earth...
Check out http://www.glyphweb.com/arda/ !!
I will check that out!


This reminds me of a fantasy series called "The Belgariad". The author David Eddings said he did not want to expound on his "Bel" teachings because he did not want to start a new religion in his readers. Although not my personal beliefs did not the well respected John Lennon sing "Whatever gets you through the night, it's allright" ?
I've read a trilogy by David Eddings and I really enjoyed it. I have the Belgariad series but I haven't read any of them yet. Lennon was a wise man...

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

My apologies, evilwill! I almost skipped over your question!


Tell me oh wise one... is it possible to buy your own Executor?
For those of you who may not have caught this reference in one of the previous posts, the Executor is Darth Vader's personal Super Star Destroyer which made its first appearance in the Fifth Gospel of Lucas and met its tragic end in the Sixth Gospel. Unfortunately, I have been unable to locate any scale models of the Executor anywhere. If you're talking about a REAL Executor, then you either have to have LOADS of money or you could simply be born of a virgin mother, win a pod race, destroy a Trade Federation battle ship, join the Jedi Order, stalk an older chick and then marry her, turn to the dark side, lose a lightsaber battle, do the bidding of an old ugly dude and kill all the Jedi. THEN, you may be awarded your very own Executor. I know, it sounds too simple, right? What's the catch, you say? Well, you have to be a whiny mama's boy who can't act. Can you do it?

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

Okay, now I've got some time to discuss this blasphemy...


rofl,....actually what i meant to say was...
theres more spiritual truth on the last tv episode of Battlestar Galactica!
I really hope that you're talking about the last episode of "Battlestar Galactica" and NOT the last episode of "Galactica 1980". Two frakkin' wimps riding around on futuristic motorcycles like Ponch and John from "CHiPs". First of all, "Galactica 1980" was a heretical sect of "Battlestar Galactica". And "Battlestar Galactica" is a reformation of "Star Wars" and would be frakkin' NOTHING if it wasn't for "Star Wars"!!! And DON'T get me started on the NEW "Battlestar Galactica"!!! Starbuck is a WOMAN?!?!?! Boomer is a WOMAN?!?!?! Actually, NO complaints about Boomer - she can launch my viper ANY day! And Commander Adama looks like his face was lit on fire and somebody stamped it out with a GOLF shoe!!! Lorne Greene is rolling over in his grave!!! What was I talking about again? Oh yeah! Yes, "Battlestar Galactica" did become quite spiritual toward the end, but the fact remains that it is a heretical reformation of "Star Wars". REPENT!!!


ps, wasnt Jedianity simply the reformation against the corruption of Star Trek?
HERESY!!! "Star Trek" was a small cult formed by the Roddenberry, a tree-hugging hippy who smoked one-too-many doobies and got the idea for Klingons when he was wiping his ass one day after a particularly messy crapfest in the bathroom. Too bad he didn't cameo in one of the episodes while wearing a RED shirt! It quickly disappeared and then "Star Wars" appeared a few years later and unleashed its miraculous healing powers upon the world! As a result of the rise of Jedianity, along with other types of "rising" when Leia wore that HOT gold bikini, the minor cult of "Star Trek" rode on the coattails of the "Star Wars" success story. If not for the miracle of "Star Wars", "Star Trek" would be even MORE nothing than it is right NOW!!! So, to answer your question, YES, "Star Trek" is corrupting the world, but it is "Star Trek" that is a reformation of "Star Wars", NOT the other way around!!! Persistence is futile, which is why no new "Star Trek" episodes are being created now!!! "Star Trek" has been assimilated!!!


Kirk is the True leader
BLASPHEMY!!! Kirk couldn't even beat up SPOCK!!! Kirk, by NO means, is a good leader. He was only good for one thing, and that was spreading the seed of humanity around the galaxy - he would hump anything with a PULSE! During his last years of life, as senility crept in, he would answer questions with only ONE answer, which was "KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNN!!! KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNN!!!" Heck, he even blew up GOD in "Star Trek: The Final Frontier". Hmmmm... maybe he IS the true leader. Let me think about this for a... BLASPHEMY!!! He wears a TOUPEE, and therefore is NO leader!!! REPENT!!!

[Skippy]

Arguing about characters from TV shows and movies?


Mods...I think it is time for this to be moved out of the religion section and into the nonsense sections.

[Bigsky770]

Originally posted by B.NyeTheUruk-Hai
So, to answer your question... NO, wookiees are most certainly NOT worthy!

Sir! You have cut me to the quick! I am outraged! . . .(yah know, it's as hard to be green as it is to be part Wookie). . .

GGggrrrowel! . . . "Walking carpet" indeed! . . .



Originally posted by Skippy
Mods...I think it is time for this to be moved out of the religion section and into the nonsense sections.

. . .I humbly submit, how do you not know that it is not? [a religion?] Some have been based upon even less. . .

Joe (Bigsky770) :vbroll:

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

Sir! You have cut me to the quick! I am outraged! . . .(yah know, it's as hard to be green as it is to be part Wookie). . .
GGggrrrowel! . . . "Walking carpet" indeed! . . .
Hey, I'm just interpreting what's in the Gospels of Lucas! I personally don't mind wookiees. After all, it was a Chewbacca situation in the Fourth Gospel of Lucas, just before the heroes jump into the Death Star trash compactor, where one of the greatest sexual innuendo lines in "Star Wars" history is said by Han Solo - "I don't care how bad it smells, get in there!" Remember my previous offer, my child. Step into the virtual confession booth and confront your wookiee rage...


Arguing about characters from TV shows and movies?
Mods...I think it is time for this to be moved out of the religion section and into the nonsense sections.
SKIPPY!!! We missed you SOOOOOOO much!!! Ironically, you're ADDING to the religious nature of this thread by trying to ruin everybody else's fun! Stop pouting, Skippy! Don't be such a stick in the mud!

NEWS FLASH: Skippy is STILL pissed of by the Jedianity thread and, despite what he says in his signature, the shampoo that he buys is for DRY hair...

[Bigsky770]

. . .Uhhm. . .let's see. . .(this is SO hard). . .I have felt rage at huma-um. . . "others" that attempt to apply a flea-collar to my neck. . .I have been brushing my fur. . .um. . ."hair" vigorously to photoshopped images of Princess Leia that display her in all her wondrous beauty. . .(thoughts traveling here. . .)

What was it we were talking about again? :angel:

Can't yah just give me 'general absolution' and let me be on my way? :pray:

This is rougher than I imagined. . .

Joe (Bigsky770) :lol:

[Skippy]

. . .I humbly submit, how do you not know that it is not? [a religion?] Some have been based upon even less. . .


Joe, the only similarities that this has to a religion are that is headed by a crackpot who believes that he is more than he is, makes threats any time his religion is questioned, and is very hostile to non-believers. Were there even the slightest discussion of religion, sure...maybe....but seems like it is more about playing with the action figures and creating their dialogue for them right out of the imagination. Besides, since the Boss gets pissed every time I post in here, consider this just us Christians getting back at the atheists and agnostices for the crap they put in Christian threads. :)

[Bigsky770]

. . .Let's just say, (for the sake of arguement) that perhaps 10 years from now, "TEOTWAWKI" occurs. Nearly ALL technology is destroyed, (except, for somewhere) there is a complete episode-by-episode accounting of ALL of the tales of "Star Wars", preserved upon DVD (which have an incredible shelf-life!), a DVD player, (that makes it through it all) and an ability (somehow) to use this tech, as with a fueled-generator, say like 200 years from now.

. . .Suppose, just suppose, 200 years from now, someone were to locate this, and playing this through, BELIEVE IT ALL AS A "FACTUAL" TALE "NOT" just a 'storyline'. What do you think would happen should that person decide to show it to others?

New Religion. Inside of 1 month. They would even deem it to be "divine providence" that intervened that they could find it. And miraculously, every conceivable unexplainable occurance upon this sphere (in their eyes) is explained. . .All accordingly to this "Gospel" that they proclaim it to be.

. . .Possible? for sure. . .Think about it. . .

Joe (Bigsky770) :vbroll:

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

Joe, the only similarities that this has to a religion are that is headed by a crackpot who believes that he is more than he is, makes threats any time his religion is questioned, and is very hostile to non-believers.
Hits a LIIIIIITTLE too close to home, doesn't it, Skippy? Reminds you of something that you can't QUIIIIITE put your finger on, doesn't it, Skippy? Yeah, I thought so. Don't fight it! Come into the light(saber), Skippy! Don't fight it! Step into my virtual confession booth, just as Joe has! Confess your sins! Give yourself over to the Force...


....but seems like it is more about playing with the action figures and creating their dialogue for them right out of the imagination.
Wha... I... don't understa... dialogue? Imagination? But my action figures SPEAK to me... they impart unto me the will of the Force! You wouldn't BELIEVE what Jabba says and what Leia says about the skillful utilization of his tongue! YOWZA! All of my action figures speak to me, but Salacious Crumb usually just goes "AAAAAaaaahahahahahahaha!!!" He's silly. I know that YOU haven't heard them talk, but they DO. You just have to have FAITH and BELIEVE. Logic and reality have NO place in the Jedianity faith. Just follow your heart and have FAITH...


Besides, since the Boss gets pissed every time I post in here, consider this just us Christians getting back at the atheists and agnostices for the crap they put in Christian threads.
TRANSLATION: Mommy! The atheists and the agnostics have taken my rose-colored glasses AGAIN!!! Tell them to give them BACK!!! I don't like reality!!! Logic hurts my brain! << a lightbulb appears above Skippy's head >> I know! I'll WHINE about it! Ooohhhh, what SWEET, SWEET revenge that shall be!!! They will RUE the day that they trifled with Skippy!!! << Skippy poops his pants >> MOMMY!!!

[Bigsky770]

. . .That's WHY I never acted to move it. It's all a little too uncomfortably close to home/and yet, VERY RELIGIOUS IN NATURE!

. . .I am searching-out my boy's toybox to find his "Star-Wars" action figures, I think I shall create an 'alter' and candles to apply the proper dignity towards it all. . .

. . .BUT, I still want to know, B.NyeTheUruk-Hai, is there any redemption possible for me? (sigh). . .

Waiting to hear your fate sure sucks. . .

Joe (Bigsky770) :lol:

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

Bless me, B.NyeTheUruk-Hai, for I have sinned. . .
My child, you have spoken the sacred words and initiated the virtual confession booth. Your trust in the Jedianity Faith shall be rewarded. As you know, you may sin in ANY way that you wish and as MANY TIMES as you wish, and as long as you CONFESS your sins in the virtual confession booth, you WILL be forgiven. So do not hold back, my child. Please go on...


. . .Uhhm. . .let's see. . .(this is SO hard). . .I have felt rage at huma-um. . . "others" that attempt to apply a flea-collar to my neck. . .I have been brushing my fur. . .um. . ."hair" vigorously to photoshopped images of Princess Leia that display her in all her wondrous beauty. . .(thoughts traveling here. . .)
HAAAAAALLLELUJAAAAA!!! We have made a MIRACULOUS breakthrough!!! FEEEEEL the rage leaving your body, Joe!!! WEAR that flea collar with PRIDE and FEEEEEEEEL the tiny crustaceans leaving your body, Joe!!! BRUSH your fur with PRIDE and... and... uhh... [ LOL!!! ] I'm NOT exactly sure WHAT to say about your Princess Leia comment BUT if it FEELS good, then GO FOR IT and FEEEEEEEEL certain fluids leaving your body!!! Jedianity has SAVED you, Joe!!! LET THE HEALING BEGIN!!!


What was it we were talking about again?
I don't remember, but I'm strangely aroused...


Can't yah just give me 'general absolution' and let me be on my way?
YES, MY CHILD!!! We will baptise you in the HOLY BACTA FLUID and your sins shall be washed AWAY!!! Jedianity FORGIVES you of your sins!!! We have witnessed a MIRACLE of GALACTIC proportions!!! Halle-Lucas!!!


This is rougher than I imagined. . .
Nothing worthwhile is ever easy, child. Just witness the vicious attacks that Jedianity must endure from heathenous infidels such as the vile blasphemer known as Skippy. He doesn't understand that reality, facts and logic have NO PLACE in the Jedianity religion. He mocks our desire to ignore reality and simply have FAITH in our BELIEFS. And he doesn't believe in MIRACLES such as the talking action figures. Silly boy! We should all feel sorry for him. WHY can't he just SEE the TRUTH?

[Bigsky770]

. . .Ahhh. . .The 'guilt' and 'anger' of years leaving my soul. . .I AM REDEEMED!

:rolling: ::)):

. . .Strangely, I feel as somehow renewed? Is this normal? Feels good!

Joe (Bigsky770) :lol: STAY TUNED next comes speaking in tongues. . .

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

. . .I am searching-out my boy's toybox to find his "Star-Wars" action figures, I think I shall create an 'alter' and candles to apply the proper dignity towards it all. . .
Excellent, my child! Just be careful not to get the action figures, which shall henceforth be called IDOLS, too close to the candle flame...


. . .BUT, I still want to know, B.NyeTheUruk-Hai, is there any redemption possible for me? (sigh). . .
Waiting to hear your fate sure sucks. . .
Please... call me "Bill". As fate would have it, I was typing out my post that redeems you in full just as YOU were typing your impatient desire to hear my response! Aahh, fate is a strange mistress... Patience, child! Good things "come" to those who wait, except in the case of Skippy who is reluctantly all too familiar with the embarassing condition of premature ejaculation. But he has yet to admit this in the virtual confession booth. There is STILL TIME, Skippy!!! CONFESS!!! Now, back to Joe. Yes, as I was saying, you have been REDEEMED, Joe!!! Just see post #77... OH MY LUCAS!!! POST #77!!! IT IS A SIGN FROM THE FORCE!!! 1977 IS THE YEAR THAT THE GOSPELS OF LUCAS MADE THEIR MIRACULOUS ENTRANCE UNTO THIS WORLD!!! Take note, Skippy and other blaspheming heathens!!! This is PROOF that the Force EXISTS!!! REPENT!!!

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

. . .Ahhh. . .The 'guilt' and 'anger' of years leaving my soul. . .I AM REDEEMED!
Wonderful!!! FEEEEEEEEEEL the miracle of Jedianity!!! I weep tears of joy...


. . .Strangely, I feel as somehow renewed? Is this normal? Feels good!
Depending on exactly HOW you've Photoshopped those photos of Princess Leia that are in your possession, you may feel different TYPES of "good feelings". Part of the Jedianity philosophy is "If it feels good, then DO IT!!!" And thus, Jedianity priests have determined that the Jedianity religion is NOT a good fit for Skippy. Sorry, Skipster...


STAY TUNED next comes speaking in tongues. . .
I'm INTRIGUED...

[Bigsky770]

. . .Trying ever-so-hard not to melt the plastic on the action-figures. . .

. . .I VOW here and now, to carry the gospels of "Lucas" far and wide. . .

Joe (Bigsky770) Mwahahaha! :lol:

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

. . .I VOW here and now, to carry the gospels of "Lucas" far and wide. . .
The Force is truly with you, child. Carrying the Gospels of Lucas far and wide is the very definition of "Apostle". Henceforth, thou shalt be known as "The Apostle Joe" and thou shalt spread the Word wherever you go (hey, it RHYMES!). Jedianity is better for having you as one of its spokespeople. Hey, I also just noticed that the sacred number 77 is also in your screen name Bigsky770! Another MIRACLE!!!

[dutchie]

...don't forget the word "sky" in his nick.. this must be in holy reference to Luke Skywalker... We're engulfed by celestial warmth from these holy discoveries...

Apostle Joe, hallowed be thy name... May your days be blessed and may you wield your wangsaber with wisdom and skill and thus light many fags.. ..err.. slay and smite down many foes of the faith, I mean.

[Bigsky770]

. . . ::)): Wwweeellll. . .I guess I did START the shits & giggles here. . .

:smokin: <<<(Psssttt! smokin' a fag now, following Nye's advice "If it feels good do it"). . .

What's next? Joe (Bigsky770) :vbroll:

[dutchie]

Now, now, my holy one... Are you trying the "I am not worthy" humble man routine?!? Remember scriptures: "He who sayeth A must also utter the resulting B.." (or something along those holy lines).

We await your commands with zealous intrest and eagerness.

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

Hi there, faithful believers and heathenous non-believers! Apostle Bill here with some more Jedianity goodness to impart upon the faithful! Now, lately there has been much talk on some of the other threads regarding sex and whether it's evil or good. Well, I'm here to give you the lowdown on where Jedianity stands regarding this touchy subject. Here are some sexually explicit quotes from the holy scriptures of the Gospels of Lucas to help shed some light on the situation:

Quotes from The Fourth Gospel of Lucas [Lucas:SWIV:ANH]
1. "She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid."
2. "Curse my metal body, I wasn't fast enough!"
3. "Look at the size of that thing!"
4. "Sorry about the mess..."
5. "You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought."
6. "Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?"
7. "You've got something jammed in here real good."
8. "Put that thing away before you get us all killed!"
9. "Luke, at that speed do you think you'll be able to pull out in time?"
10. "Get in there you big furry oaf, I don't care WHAT you smell!"

Quotes from The Fifth Gospel of Lucas [Lucas:SWV:ESB]
1. "And I thought they smelled bad...on the OUTSIDE!"
2. "Possible he came in through the south entrance."
3. "I must've hit it pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, huh, kid?"
4. "Hurry up, golden-rod..."
5. "That's okay, I'd like to keep it on manual control for a while."
6. "But now we must eat. Cum, good food, cummm..."
7. "Control, control! You must learn control!"
8. "There's an awful lot of moisture in here."
9. "Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you?"
10. "I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me!"

Quotes from The Sixth Gospel of Lucas [Lucas:SWVI:ROTJ]
1. "Rise, my friend."
2. "Open the back door!"
3. "Hey, point that thing somewhere else!"
4. "It's just a dead animal..."
5. "Not bad for a little furball."
6. "How can they be jamming us if they don't know we're coming?"
7. "Come here, I won't hurt you. You want something to eat?"
8. "Keep on that one, I'll take these two."
9. "I want you to take her. I mean it, take her!"
10. "I don't think the Empire had wookiees in mind when they designed her, Chewie."

So it is quite obvious from the scriptures themselves that Jedianity wholeheartedly supports sex in all of its forms, from old-fashioned heterosexual relations to homosodomitic ass-ramming to tauntaun back-door animal action and even to auto-erotic Skippy action!

"If it feels good, then DO IT!" - Bill the Apostle

I'm open to any questions that you may have and, as always, the virtual confession booth is open to anyone who wishes to confess their sins. Don't worry, we won't judge you unless you're a blasphemous infidel non-believer!

[dutchie]

OMG, that IS a large list, Apostle Bill (not intended to be of sexual reference..)

Question: is The Force male, or female?

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

OMG, that IS a large list, Apostle Bill (not intended to be of sexual reference..)
ANYTHING can be construed as a sexual reference, my son. ;)


Question: is The Force male, or female?
Aaaaahhhhh, dutchie son of dutchie continues to test my knowledge with brilliantly insightful questions. The answer is a difficult one, I fear. Let me consult the Force through meditation to acquire the wisdom. << the Apostle Bill floats in the air while wearing rubber Yoda ears >> Okay, done. First of all, I wanted to make sure that the question itself was not blasphemous in nature. The Force says that it isn't, thus I will reluctantly refrain from calling you a heathen and requiring you to repent or confess your sins in the virtual confession booth! Isn't that great? Anyway, it seems to me that whenever the Force is mentioned in the Gospels of Lucas, it is usually referred to as "it" as opposed to "he" or "she". Thus it appears as though the Force is gender neutral. Although the gender of the Force is not known, don't forget that it can still be divided into the Dark Side and the Light Side. And going by these categories, I would have to say that the Light side is most likely female as women are the fairer sex while the Dark Side is male. Further evidence that the Dark Side is male is the fact that Darth Vader is often telling Luke to "Cum to the Dark Side" and often telling the Emperor that he has "felt him" when referring to Luke, and the Emperor telling Vader that it is "strange" that he has "not felt him" when also referring to Luke. As a side note, Jedianity scholars have asked the same question regarding whether Skippy is male or female. The confusion was quickly put to rest when, after studying Skippy's posts on the AO forums, they quickly realized that his lack of testicles clearly reveals him to be female. I hope that answers your excellent question!

[evilwill]

O wise one, I have a question for you.

Are you aware of the unseen power known as the Schwartz? (seen SpaceBalls?)

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

O wise one, I have a question for you.
Are you aware of the unseen power known as the Schwartz? (seen SpaceBalls?)
Aaaahhhh, my child. Of course I am aware of the Schwartz. I am aware of EVERYTHING! The presence of the Schwartz cannot be disputed. Its teachings are recorded in one of the Gospels of Brooks, specifically "Spaceballs" as you have already mentioned. Many devout Jedianity worshippers were disturbed by the initial appearance of this radical Gospel, which was found several years ago along with other Gospels of Brooks such as "History of the World: Part I" and "Blazing Saddles". Scholars are still searching to this day for the missing Gospel "History of the World: Part II" but have yet to locate it. With the sudden appearance of the "Spaceballs" Gospel, many Jedianity followers felt threatened by its teachings. Close scrutiny of this Gospel, however, revealed many startling parallels to the core teachings of Jedianity found in the Gospels of Lucas. There are many differences though, but they are generally limited to minor details as can be expected when there are multiple tellings of the same story. After all, the Gospels found within the New Testament of the religion known as Christianity contain a startling 150,000 contradictions, confusions of text and "variant readings" as admitted by the Catholic Church itself! Some notable differences between the Gospel of Brooks and the Gospels of Lucas include the most obvious one where the Force is referred to as the Schwartz, the Darth Vader-like figure has a disproportionately large helmet, light speed is referred to as ludicrous speed, the Chewbacca-like figure is a rotund Canadian with a horny tail, the C3PO-like figure is female (actually, this would more accurately be categorized as a SIMILARITY) and the Jabba the Hutt-like figure is composed entirely of mozarella cheese, bread and pepperoni. As is also the case with the Gospels of Lucas, the Gospels of Brooks contain many sexual innuendos and phallic imagery. Some examples include Dark Helmet exclaiming "I'll bet she gives GREAT helmet!", a marching line of Jawa-like figures singing "DINK dink... dink DINK dink DINK DINK dink...", an Imperial officer exclaiming "She's going from SUCK to BLOW!", and several instances where "lightsabers" are ignited with their "hilts" (actually rings in the Brooks Gospel) cleverly placed in the general vicinity of the groin. It is this latter example which Jedianity scholars attribute to the rise to prominence of the fabled "wangsaber", whose "lengthy" tradition is carried on to this day by the wangsaber master known simply as "dutchie". But the one contribution to humanity that the Gospel of Brooks is most famous for is coining the phrase "combing the desert"...

[evilwill]

Thanks for such a detailed lesson on the works of Brooks.

Another question. Why was Dark Helmet's helmet so massive? Was he compensating for something?

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

Thanks for such a detailed lesson on the works of Brooks.
You're most welcome! Spreading the truth of Jedianity brings warmth to my heart and a bulge in my pants!


Another question. Why was Dark Helmet's helmet so massive? Was he compensating for something?
Very interesting to have this question so soon after having discussed a similar situation with dutchie, son-of-dutchie's-father in the Religion of Arda thread. That discussion centered upon Saruman and whether his massive tower of Orthanc at Isengard was a compensation for other "shortcomings", a rumor that was started after the other Valar jokingly referred to him as Saruman the Stubby. But I digress. There is no official record that I am aware of which explains the reason for Dark Helmet's disproportionately large helmet. Clearly, Rick Moranis' head fits inside the helmet with plently of room to spare. So WHY would the helmet be so large? Well, legend has it that the role of Dark Helmet in the film version of the Gospel of Brooks was originally given to Sally Struthers. In pre-production, the special effects crew needed to construct an impressively large helmet to fit over Sally's massive head. Unfortunately, the casting director quickly realized that Sally Struthers had also been cast in the role of... Pizza the Hutt! The director realized that the versatile Struthers could easily perform both roles because she would be wearing a helmet in her Dark Helmet role. So, with the problem apparently solved, the director began filming the first scenes of the movie, the very first of which was the Pizza the Hutt scene. In the film, Pizza the Hutt ends up actually eating himself which provides one of the movie's funnier moments. In an ironic and tragic twist of fate, unbeknownst to everybody outside of the film crew, Sally Struthers REALLY DID eat herself before she was to do her Dark Helmet scenes. Thus, with Sally Struthers digesting herself, the role of Dark Helmet was given to Rick Moranis. Unfortunately, due to budget restraints, a new and smaller helmet was not created for Rick Moranis' smaller melon. Thus, he was stuck with a disproportionately large helmet originally designed for Sally Struthers. As you can guess, this theory was questioned by some Jedianity scholars. Some believe, as you have stated, that the large helmet is simply a compensation. However, one simply has to consult the wisdom of Occam's Razor to realize that Sally Struthers eating herself is the more likely theory. Great question!

[evilwill]

Seems entirely possible to me.

So, who would win out of Dark Helmet Vs Darth Vader?

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

THE COMING OF THE THIRD GOSPEL LUCAS IS ALMOST UPON US !!! REPENT !!!

How do I know this? Jedianity images are mysteriously appearing on Doritos bags and Pepsi bottles ALL OVER THE WORLD !!! REPENT !!!

[Bigsky770]

. . .I know. Isn't it EXCITING? I'm hoping for a new "Jedianity" lunchbox that I can stuff my 'twinkies' with! :lol:

. . .It rained last night, (rather hard), and when the rain evaporated off-of the hood of my car, what do you think? I thought when the face of "Yoda" appeared?:eek:Miracle!. . .
Think I can make a shrine to it? Just a thought. . .

Joe (Bigsky770) :vbroll:

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

. . .It rained last night, (rather hard), and when the rain evaporated off-of the hood of my car, what do you think? I thought when the face of "Yoda" appeared?Miracle!. . .
Think I can make a shrine to it? Just a thought. . .
It iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiisss a sign!!! It is your DUTY to make a shrine to it, Apostle Joe! And speaking of doody, just the other day I was changing my underwear and the skid mark on the underwear was in the shape of Jabba the Hutt!!! WOW!!! ALL SHALL BOW AT THE ALTAR OF MY SKID-MARKED UNDIES !!! REPENT !!!!

[Sammy56]

Nye, that was so disgusting and extremely creepy. I really didn't want to know about that...

[Bigsky770]

. . .As B. Nye has stated, Signs are abounding everywhere! Is there no-where that they could NOT appear to make themselves known to us?

. . .Bill, I set up a shrine on the hood of my Chevy, problem I have is that the 15 candles I've set-up upon the hood will not stay lit when I pass 20 m.p.h. . .Is it acceptable to shield the candle-flames -w- glass chimneys? Also, I've been getting some rather strange looks from the local police, (although I'm ready. . .I have an explanation all worked-out to explain it as increasing my ability to view the road at night!) ::)):

Of course, I could just tell them the truth, that I am practicing my religion and should be permitted to do so. :lol: Whadyah think?

Joe (Bigsky770) :vbroll:

[Houston411]

omg this so hilarious...

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

Nye, that was so disgusting and extremely creepy. I really didn't want to know about that...
Sorry about that! I hope that you weren't eating while you were reading that post. Just think about it though. Much like some people read palms or read tea leaves, we have opened the door to a new form of "reading" called "Skidology". It could be VERY lucrative...


. . .Bill, I set up a shrine on the hood of my Chevy, problem I have is that the 15 candles I've set-up upon the hood will not stay lit when I pass 20 m.p.h. . .Is it acceptable to shield the candle-flames -w- glass chimneys?
Apostle Joe, you have proven yourself time and again to be a devoted Jedianity follower, and this shrine that you have created proves your devotion yet again. Umm... *sniff*... excuse me... << wipes a tear from his eye as he becomes overwhelmed by emotions >> Okay, now where was I? Oh yeah... I can see how the candles pose an interesting dilemma. You could go with the glass shield or you could get some of those trick birthday candles that don't blow out.


Of course, I could just tell them the truth, that I am practicing my religion and should be permitted to do so.
And if that doesn't work, just give a quick and subtle wave of your hand and say "This is not the mobile Jedianity shrine that you are looking for"...

[Red Shift]

its funny, as soon as the release date for the third gospel was announced, my lightsabre powerd up on its own and carved SITH into my bedroom wall, as you can imagine my parents were not too pleased, but is this a good sign or a bad one?

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

its funny, as soon as the release date for the third gospel was announced, my lightsabre powerd up on its own and carved SITH into my bedroom wall, as you can imagine my parents were not too pleased, but is this a good sign or a bad one?
I believe that this is a good sign. A bad sign would have been if a female had gotten ahold of your lightsaber and turned it on while utilizing it as a dildo...

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

Apostle Joe, I thought that I would send you some photos of my car so that you could use it as a template for your mobile Jedianity shrine. Just to give you some ideas...

http://www.sugarfreeracing.com/images/coke/52799.22.jpg

http://www.sugarfreeracing.com/images/coke/52799.2.jpg

[dutchie]

Rejoice and be happy, oh followers of the Jedi faith... The force came upon me once more and it told me that making a shrine out of underwear and car hoods will be regarded as two of the three basic ways to enlightenment, the third of course being: the exact and force aided training of moustache removal with a wang saber... There will be three levels of skill therein, the first being the removal of the face. This somewhat crude and smelly level will be entered only by apprentices of the Jedi knighthood.. The second level will consist of the ability to write a gothic letter "q" into a rice pudding in one single fluid motion, and the third level is nothing less than the complete removel of ones moustache with the saber. I can tell you I spontaneously upgraded myself to the latter, suffering no more than superficious burns... Ah, the feeling - to master the wangsaber to the third level.. It fills me with awe and gratitude to the force, working in that mysterious way through a mere mortal like myself. I can see now, through my enlightened state, that your works of the hood and the skidmarks, are true wonders, inspired by the force that works within us. I am so proud of you, brethren... But one word of warning should go out to you, brother Bill - take heed of dark stains in your unnies - they MAY just be proof of your arrogance, and your leaning towards the dark side. Produce ONLY the lighter stains, consistent with the consumption of white meat and cheese. Stay far away from chinese duck dishes and red kidney beans, as they no doubt will produce images you would not want to see on the inside of your underwear..

I am happy that the force brought me this wisdom. Might any of you infidels wish to be trained in the noble art of moustache removal, lessons will start next saturday morning at a bargain price of $300 per lesson of half an hour, parties of 3 could apply for a reduced fee...

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

Ah, the feeling - to master the wangsaber to the third level.
Achieving the third level explains your popularity with the ladies... giggidy-giggidy-giggidy...


I can see now, through my enlightened state, that your works of the hood and the skidmarks, are true wonders, inspired by the force that works within us.
And they are also inspired by the Taco Bell that is within me...


But one word of warning should go out to you, brother Bill - take heed of dark stains in your unnies - they MAY just be proof of your arrogance, and your leaning towards the dark side. Produce ONLY the lighter stains, consistent with the consumption of white meat and cheese.
I have produced SOME dark skid marks in the past. Although I don't think that they were due so much to dark-side arrogance as they were to the consumption of Pepto-Bismol...


Might any of you infidels wish to be trained in the noble art of moustache removal, lessons will start next saturday morning at a bargain price of $300 per lesson of half an hour, parties of 3 could apply for a reduced fee...
Will you train NON-infidels such as myself? And do AO members get a discount?

[The Dude]

A plasma field contained in a magnetic field could be constructed to create a lightsaber. The plasma could be contained in the handle, when the switch is flipped the electromagnetic field is energized and the plasma is ejected within it. Although creating the high temperature of the plasma would require a large energy supply, the lightsaber would perform just as in the movies and is not a technical impossibility." -- Michael Ernst, Student, Miami


http://www.exn.ca/starwars/plasmasaber.cfm

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

A plasma field contained in a magnetic field could be constructed to create a lightsaber. The plasma could be contained in the handle, when the switch is flipped the electromagnetic field is energized and the plasma is ejected within it. Although creating the high temperature of the plasma would require a large energy supply, the lightsaber would perform just as in the movies and is not a technical impossibility." -- Michael Ernst, Student, Miami
I am at a loss for words as to why this Michael Ernst is speaking of lightsabers as if they don't already exist. The Gospels of Lucas clearly reveal that lightsabers have been around for thousands of years already and dutchie-son-of-dutchie's-father has already achieved the third level of wangsaber mastery, a variant of the lightsaber! This infidel, Michael Ernst, is dangerously bordering on heresy! Clearly, the scorching heat in Miami is frying his brain and catalyzing this blasphemy! Several probe droids have been dispatched to search for this blasphemer, after which, in order to PROVE that lightsabers are already a reality, an ACTUAL lightsaber shall be inserted where the twin suns of Tatooine don't shine...

[Bigsky770]

. . .WoW. . .That design on that Chevy is "Aces". . . :2thumbs:

Thanks for the view!

Joe (Bigsky770) :vbroll:

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

. . .WoW. . .That design on that Chevy is "Aces". . .
Thanks for the view!
The paint job shown in the photos was done just before Episode I. I don't know if another one was done for Episode II, but apparently there is a Star Wars/M&M's themed paint job on Gordon's car (I think) to promote Episode III...

Myself and 10 other apostles are going to be making a pilgrimmage to the local theater on Saturday to witness the Third Gospel of Lucas!!! Rrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiise...

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

WOOKIEE MOLESTATION SCANDAL ROCKS JEDIANITY MINISTRY !!!

http://www.peneyecare.com/_borders/naughtychewbacca.jpg
Jedianity officials were stunned today at allegations levelled at Chewbacca, the heroic wookiee from the Gospels of Lucas, by Princess Leia, the fiesty rebel vixen best known to Jedianity scholars as "the chick with the gold bikini". Leia, shown on the right of the above photo, claims that Chewbacca, shown on the left, sexually molested her during the brief rebel stay on the ice planet of Hoth.

Chewbacca, visibly stunned at the allegations, simply replied by saying "Rawr, wwuuuhhhrrr, wonk, gggrrrrrwwwlll, rawr" whereupon he then proceeded to savagely sodomize a nearby tauntaun.

Han Solo (formerly Hand Solo), defended his co-pilot by saying "Leia SAID that she'd just as soon kiss a wookiee and then I told her that I could arrange that! So I DID!"

Solo then went on to explain that Chewbacca, with Han's permission, approached Leia, licked his right paw and then placed it on Leia's right booby. Due to the freezing temperatures on Hoth, Chewbacca's paw subsequently stuck onto Leia's booby much like when one sticks their tongue on a frozen piece of metal. It was at this time that a nearby photographer noticed the commotion and snapped a picture of the molestation in progress. Fortunately for Chewbacca, the photographer ran out of film before he could snap pictures of Chewbacca testing the tongue-on-frozen-surfaces theory using another part of Leia's anatomy as a frozen surface.

Jedianity officials, upon recovering from their initial shock at the allegations, attempted to justify Chewbacca's deplorable actions by saying "Can you blame the horny walking carpet? I mean, did you SEE princess Leia wearing that gold bikini in 'Return of the Jedi'?" Officials then went on to deny the allegations altogether, claiming that "Nobody can be certain that the wookiee in that picture is actually Chewbacca! Who can tell those hairy bastards apart anyway?"

Han Solo, standing up again for his loyal co-pilot, attempted to bully reporters out of Echo Base citing that "Leave the fuzzball alone! Chewie's already suffered quite a bit because of his busy hands, it's gonna take YEARS to get rid of those crabs in his fur!" All reporters quickly exited the base and further planned interviews with Leia were mysteriously cancelled without warning...

[Red Shift]

bahahahahahahahahahaha nearly pissed myself reading that one, NICE ONE!

[Marajadex]

The discovery channel is running a series on the science of Star Wars. In one episode they were talking about real life Jedi Knights. They related that the training the Shao Lin Monks (sp?) go through a training that is the closest thing to Jedi training. They use the force!!!!! :headbang:

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

Let's not forget that, despite all of the hype surrounding the Third Gospel of Lucas, there is another Jedianity-friendly film opening this weekend...

http://richardrizun.com/tuskensun.jpg

[redmamma]

Let's not forget that, despite all of the hype surrounding the Third Gospel of Lucas, there is another Jedianity-friendly film opening this weekend...


What would that be? Been working overtime lately and missing the ads.
However, I did manage to play Wookie Hookie today and sneak off to view the third gospel. My husband and his friend managed to spoil the sanctity of the scene which revealed how Lord Vader received the injuries that neccesitated the Great Mask of Darkness. Being avid Monty Python fans, they blurted out in the packed theater..."It's only a flesh wound!"

[Marajadex]

Being avid Monty Python fans, they blurted out in the packed theater..."It's only a flesh wound!"
Being an avid Monty Python fan myself I find their out burst funny... however on an opening weekend it was ill timed. There is a time to speak out and a time to keep ones thoughts to ones self no matter how funny! This was one of thoes times to keep the mouth shut!

[redmamma]

I would have to agree on the timing issue. Thankfully we were near the front, so their voices did not carry throughout the entire theater.

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

What would that be? Been working overtime lately and missing the ads.
Oooops! The photo wouldn't load for some reason. I've relocated the jpeg, so hopefully it will show the movie poster...

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

I am at a loss for words as to why this Michael Ernst is speaking of lightsabers as if they don't already exist. The Gospels of Lucas clearly reveal that lightsabers have been around for thousands of years already
Here are two photos to back up my statement that lightsabers have been around for a long time...

http://richardrizun.com/lightsabercharge.jpg

http://richardrizun.com/knighting.jpg

[Marajadex]

LOL!!! :lol:
Awsome Photos!!!! :2thumbs:

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

STUNNING PATERNITY SUIT REVEALS SHOCKING BLOODLINES -
SKYWALKER FAMILY "FORCED" TO SUBMIT TO DNA TESTING

http://richardrizun.com/jarjarvader.jpg

The galaxy-renowned Skywalker family was stunned today to learn of a paternity suit filed in a Coruscant court today by Senator Jar-Jar Binks that claims that he is the biological father of Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia. "MESA am your father" Jar-Jar said to a stunned Luke and Leia between ominous heavy breathing sounds as the wily Gungan struggled with an acute bout of asthma. When told that he would be placed in Jar-Jar's custody, Luke replied "But I wanna go to Toshi Station to pick up some power converters!" Leia simply rolled her eyes at Luke's reply, citing that "It makes sense that Jar-Jar is the father of my whiny beeyatch brother." As proof, Jar-Jar provided the above photograph which was never before seen. He claims that the Gospels of Lucas never ever show Darth Vader without his helmet. When confronted about this, one reporter corrected him by saying "Hello? We DO get to see Vader's face just before the second Death Star is destroyed". Jar-Jar countered that by claiming that it was only veteran actor Sebastian Shaw, and NOT the real vader. Jar-Jar claims that all the scenes with Vader are actually HIM underneath the helmet. The Gungan then proceeded to savagely sodomize the reporter for his insolence while repeatedly screaming "YOUSA HAD ME AT 'HELLO' !!!" The Coruscant court ordered that DNA testing be conducted in order to prove the paternity claims. More news to follow...

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

JAR-JAR BINKS MURDERED !!! JEDI IMPLICATED !!!
LOOMING DNA TESTING BLAMED !!!

http://richardrizun.com/jarjardies.jpg

The entire galaxy was STUNNED today at the untimely death of Senator Jar-Jar Binks. He was making his way to the local medical lab to give blood for DNA testing to prove that he is the father of Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia when 2 Jedi Knights jumped out of the shadows and sliced him into Gungan sushi, all the while yelling "Yousa like that? Yousa like that?". They then proceeded to skewer the Jar-Jar bits and throw them on the barbecue and had an impromptu "Jar-Jar-becue". Passersby were offered the tender meat bits with Bantha poodoo sauce and, within minutes, the annoying Gungan had been consumed entirely. The Jedi mysteriously vanished soon after and the local police were left scratching their heads. The local court that had ordered the DNA testing declared the case closed due to shitty evidence (literally) and had no choice but to declare that Anakin Skywalker is still the father of Luke and Leia. When asked what his thoughts were regarding the court decision, Luke, possessively cradling several power converters, responded maniacally with "I went to Toshi station anyway... when they weren't looking... the power converters are MINE, BEEYOTCHES!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!" Meanwhile, Master Jedi Yoda was sought after for his thoughts about the whole ordeal. Reporters found him "meditating" in his private chambers (see photo below) and jabbering on about "Find my bong I cannot. A path to the dark side the doobie is. Sharted have I." More news to come...

http://richardrizun.com/yodasmoking.jpg

[redmamma]

A career in creative writing you have.
Or three bourbon and cokes I have.
Either way, I'm laughin'. :alcoholic

[Marajadex]

My husband and his friend managed to spoil the sanctity of the scene which revealed how Lord Vader received the injuries that neccesitated the Great Mask of Darkness. Being avid Monty Python fans, they blurted out in the packed theater..."It's only a flesh wound!"
ROTHLMFAO!!!!!!

*Mara is literally laughing so hard tears are streaming down her face!

Ok now that I have seen the movie... I can't get that scene out of my mind... well the scene of Anakin merged with the Monty Python scene of the Black Knight!

Anakin: Its only a flesh wound!
Obi Wan: Look, stop that!
Anakin: Right, I'll do you for that!
Obi Wan: You'll what?
Anakin: Come 'ere!
Obi Wan: What are you going to do, bleed on me?
Anakin: I'm invincible!
Obi Wan: You're a loony.
Anakin: The Black Knight always triumphs! Have at you! Come on then.

Anakin catches on fire...

Anakin: All right; we'll call it a draw.

Obi Wan turns to leave

Anakin: Oh, oh, I see, running away then. You yellow bastard! Come back here and take what's coming to you. I'll bite your legs off!

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

We are the Jedi Knights who say "Ni" !!!

[dutchie]

umm.... wouldn't we now be the Jedi knights who say "Ekky-ekky-ekky-ekky-z'Bang, zoom-Boing, z'nourrrwringmm"

(source here (http://www.intriguing.com/mp/_scripts/ni.asp))

[Marajadex]

umm.... wouldn't we now be the Jedi knights who say "Ekky-ekky-ekky-ekky-z'Bang, zoom-Boing, z'nourrrwringmm"Why yes that would be correct. Now time to go and get the shrubbery!!!!

[Red Shift]

haha, but not before you cut down the tallest tree with a HERRING mara!

[MacRasta]

And pass the White Jedi Rabbit!

[Marajadex]

With HUGE fangs! He leaps at your jugular!!!!

LOL!!!

[Assassin X]

OMG this is awsome!!!

:Goes and posts link to show friends:

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

Go forth and spread the knowledge and wisdom of Jedianity and thou shalt be known henceforth as Apostle X. And it hasn't been said for awhile, so... REPENT!!!

[redmamma]

Yes, go. Go forth and spread Jedianity throughout the HUGE tracts of land I lay before you.

AND STOP AVERTING YOUR EYES!

[repentantsinner]

"WHAT EVER GETS YOU THRU The NIGHT IS ALL RIGHT"

[repentantsinner]

haha, but not before you cut down the tallest tree with a HERRING mara!nOW GO AWAY OR I SHALL TAUNT YOU A SECOND TIME YOU SILLY KING.

[Marajadex]

Watch Out!!!! The Empire is everywhere!!!!!

http://www.radical-jokes.com/images/libermanemperor.jpg

[Resentedhalo]

Where do I sign up!

Resentedhalo.

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

Watch Out!!!! The Empire is everywhere!!!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! We must all flee to Dagobah!!!

And Mara lives on Mustafar and is a self-proclaimed Sith Lord!!! I KNEW IT!!! Pray that she doesn't go all "Order 66" on our asses!!!

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

I just thought that I would ressurrect the Jedianity thread in time for the public unveiling of the DVD version of the Third Gospel of Lucas on November 1st !!! REPENT !!!

[Marajadex]

Ah yes that would be the... ah...
*Counts on fingers... Episode I, Episode II, Box Set Episodes IV, V, VI
Yes... The 4th Comming!

and to be released on what some countries of this planet calls "All Saints Day"...
(France, Germany, Austria, Belgium, Seychelles, Spain, Italy, Lithuania, Portugal, Slovenia, The Philippines and Croatia.)*

Or what other countries call "The Day of the Dead".
(Mexico and United States)*
Hmmmm

*Info taken from wikipedia.org
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/November_1

[Mezurashi]

I for one have NOT seen Revenge Of The Sith yet, which means it is the Only one of the six I haven't seen in a theatre (yes, I was there at the beginning, dreaming of a glorious future which was warped by marketing and appealing to the lowest common denominator). I am SOOOOOO looking forward to it because my viewing will be complete, and I held off because, well, I procrastinated until I didn't have an option anymore.

Anyone out there Not seen Star Wars III yet?

p.s. many of my friends chose to put 'Jedi' as their Religion on the last Canadian Census - I wonder if it managed to become a 'recognized' religion?

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

I for one have NOT seen Revenge Of The Sith yet
BLASPHEMER!!!
You shall die a slow and agonizing death in the belly of the sarlacc after Chewbacca vigorously rubs your face in his hairy armpit and RD-D2 extends his mechanical thingy and zaps your dangly genitals till they smell like burnt bantha bacon !!! And such...


I am SOOOOOO looking forward to it because my viewing will be complete
You should enjoy it immensely! ALL of the set-up is in Episodes I and II. So Episode III starts off with a huge bang and continues at a relentless pace throughout most of the flick. Tons of battles, lightsaber duels, betrayals and several questions that fans have had since 1977 are answered. The acting is okay, nothing spectacular, but there are only a couple of awkward acting moments, most notably near the end where Vader shouts out a very corny "NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!". Other than that, my only other real complaint was that I wanted to see more of General Grievous in action. But overall, it's a very satisfying and spectacular end to the saga...


many of my friends chose to put 'Jedi' as their Religion on the last Canadian Census - I wonder if it managed to become a 'recognized' religion?
I'm DEFINITELY going to that if there's a census with the next tax return!

[Marajadex]

Oh Yeah Me too!!!
When the next time I am filling out any form that asks for religous affiliation I will put Jedi! That sounds better than Sith Lord! LOL!!!

Ah the serenity that is Jedi!

[Mezurashi]

BLASPHEMER!!!
You shall die a slow and agonizing death in the belly of the sarlacc after Chewbacca vigorously rubs your face in his hairy armpit and RD-D2 extends his mechanical thingy and zaps your dangly genitals till they smell like burnt bantha bacon !!! And such...

well, all I can say in reply is, "The Line forms to the left..."

and, what does it say about me if my shrivelled genitals Already smell like burnt bantha bacon? (I know for a fact that it's a result of my using my pocket lightsaber to shave my crotch - what I won't do for women)

Now if only George Lucas decided to try creativity instead of beating on dead horses ...

[Defiant Noquisi]

I for one have NOT seen Revenge Of The Sith yet You are not alone however, I damn near got a play by play from AO members in the chatroom so all I need are the sound effects to make it complete!

[Cartesiantheater]

LMMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :rolling: ::)): Bill... It's official. After reading this thread you have become my hero.


...Does that constitute idolatry in Jedianity? :dunno:

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

Like the charred and legless torso of Anakin Skywalker, the Jedianity thread is once again ressurrected. REPENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


...Does that constitute idolatry in Jedianity?
No, my child. Thou mayest idolize whatever the fuckest thou wanteth. For it dost not matter what thou do in thy lifetime, for thou will surely spend eternity upon the fiery surface of Mustafar while enduring endless gang-bangs at the furry hands of horny ewoks while Jar-Jar recites poetry to you. The horror...

[Cartesiantheater]

My apologies... such bad netiquette... I shall flog myself with a thousand wangsabers as a gesture of my repentance... :bondage:

[Marajadex]

Ah... :pimp:
Good to see Jedianity back in the mix.

for thou will surely spend eternity upon the fiery surface of Mustafar while enduring endless gang-bangs at the furry hands of horny ewoks while Jar-Jar recites poetry to you.Now THAT sounds like Hell...
The only thing that could make it worse is if Jar Jar was reading Vogon Poetry.

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

Ah... Good to see Jedianity back in the mix.
Ahh, the Jedianity thread wouldn't be the same without a visit from the First Lady of Jedianity!


The only thing that could make it worse is if Jar Jar was reading Vogon Poetry.
Man, you are vicious, Mara! VI... CIOUS...

[Cartesiantheater]

Now THAT sounds like Hell...
The only thing that could make it worse is if Jar Jar was reading Vogon Poetry.
See, that's total heresy. There is no mention of Vogons in any Star Wars gospel, as far as I am aware. :bondage: :burnin:

[Marajadex]

There is no mention of Vogons in any Star Wars gospel, as far as I am aware.
Well now Jedianity does allow for some good Literary references. And we all know Vogon Poetry is generally accepted as an effective torture device. In a literary sense. So as the book says... Don't Panic...

[lazserus]

I'm late in participating in this thread, but I've stuck it due to its reputation and amount of responses.

I have not read any of the novels written after ANH and beyond, so my information is solely based around the films and certain RPGs (Knights of the Old Republic and KotOR II).

The overall presentation of I-III was piss-poor in my opinion. RoS (EPIII) was the best of the "new" trilogy and Lucas destroyed the spirituality of the Force by introducing metachlorians (sp?). The bigger picture tells us that Force sensitives are not evolutionary prodigies, but just those who've opened their minds/eyes to the galaxy. Now, in accordance to the Old Republic, the Jedi were damned near intellectual hippies and never acted on anything unless it directly affected them. There was no initiative, but pure meditation. They were much like classical and stereotypical Buddhist monks. The Jedi were more supportive of the Butterfly Effect when dealing with the Force. They would allow worlds to be obliterated and billions to be slaughtered without taking action, because they believed their actions would cause a ripple in the Force that could ultimately destroy the galaxy if not taken properly. Naturally, this attitude changed drastically once Anikan (Vader) slayed all the Jedi.

The overall interesting position on the Force is that it more or less covers a human's ability to feel, understand, and manipulate the energy around her in detail. It also favors the Butterfly Effect in the sense that certain energy manipulations could cause disruptions across the galaxy.

In the Old Republic, mainly at the time of its degression, the Jedi, and faith there of, preferred to stand aside and ponder as opposed to acting. This total pacifism was the cause of its downfall, particularly due to the Sith's opposite position - seek power and exploit it.

I'm sorry I've babbled on history, but it leads to the ultimate question:

Old Jedi teachings, or new? Since I haven't exposed myself to literature revolving around the aftermath following the Empire's collapse, what is to become of the future of the philosophy?

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

STICKY, baby!


Sexual Connotations in the Lucas Gospels:


"She's gonna blow!" - rebel pilot [Lucas:VI:ROTJ]

"I don't care HOW bad it smells! Get in there!" - Han Solo [Lucas:IV:ANH]

"Curse my metal body! I wasn't fast enough!" - C3PO [Lucas:IV:ANH]

"Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?" - Leia [Lucas:IV:ANH]

"I have felt him." - Emperor [Lucas:VI:ROTJ]


Feel free to add more!

[jinxz]

"I have felt him." [/I] - Emperor [Lucas:VI:ROTJ

Not to nitpick, but I thought that line was:

Darth Vader: "I have felt him, my master."

Emperor: "Hmm... strange that I have not."

Somebody watch Return of the Jedi and take note!

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

Not to nitpick, but I thought that line was:

Darth Vader: "I have felt him, my master."

Emperor: "Hmm... strange that I have not."
Yes, thou art correct, my child! When I typed this quote, I felt a strange tremor in the force, as though a thousand fanboys cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. I was unsure as to its correctness. Thank you, child, for setting the record straight! From this moment on, thou shalt have a righteous place in the anus of Jedianity. Henceforth, thou shalt be known as...

JAR JAR JINXZ !!! Sorry, dude...

http://www.perfectduluthday.com/jar-jar%20pope.jpg

[jinxz]

Yes, thou art correct, my child! When I typed this quote, I felt a strange tremor in the force, as though a thousand fanboys cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. I was unsure as to its correctness. Thank you, child, for setting the record straight! From this moment on, thou shalt have a righteous place in the anus of Jedianity. Henceforth, thou shalt be known as...

JAR JAR JINXZ !!! Sorry, dude...

http://www.perfectduluthday.com/jar-jar%20pope.jpg

I'M JAR JAR?!? Now I guess my only goal left in life is to die a martyr and make everyone happy. Or just die... I suppose the actual circumstances matter little to most... :bye:

[Cartesiantheater]

I'M JAR JAR?!? Now I guess my only goal left in life is to die a martyr and make everyone happy. Or just die... I suppose the actual circumstances matter little to most... :bye:
Hell, at least you aren't damned to listen to Jar Jar spout Vogon poetry for all eternity...

...if only I had a more noble wangsaber to flog myself with...

:bondage:

[lazserus]

I know I'm not quoting the exact words, but damned near enough.

"Please let go of me." - Leia
"Don't get excited, sweetheart." - Han Solo
"I assure you, Captain, being held by you isn't quite enough to excite me." - Leia
"Sorry, I don't have time for anything else." - Han Solo

All from Lucas:V:ESB

[Marajadex]

Ah Laz you beat me to one of the more sexually charged exchanges in Star Wars. And one of my personal favorites.

[nrj]

"Not bad for a little fur ball."
"She doesn't look like much, but she's got it where it counts."
"Rise, my friend."

[Godsgifttomankind]

Hello Bill,

I talked to the creator yesterday and while he is amused with what you have done with his master piece, he has assured me that the very purpose and essence of His creation still remains intact.

He is looking forward to when you come to visit him at his home, that he personally can put to rest the inconsistencies in your understanding of His creation.

May the force be with you and may you continue to move away from the darkside.

Plenipotentiary to Mr. Lucas

[Cartesiantheater]

Hello Bill,

I talked to the creator yesterday and while he is amused with what you have done with his master piece, he has assured me that the very purpose and essence of His creation still remains intact.

He is looking forward to when you come to visit him at his home, that he personally can put to rest the inconsistencies in your understanding of His creation.

May the force be with you and may you continue to move away from the darkside.

Plenipotentiary to Mr. Lucas
This is only half in jest, GGTMK... but if you speak directly to God, then I gotta know something...

Does he want me dead? Because I get this strange feeling that God hates me... maybe I'm wrong... but why don't you ask him for me?

[Sammy56]

You know, sometimes I wonder that too. I get the feeling that somebody up there doesn't like me.

My best friend told me she thinks it's karma. Well, that just made me wonder how many people I killed in my last life.

[Marajadex]

Cartesiantheater, Sammy56, Amen to that. I have thought for some time that someone or something up there does not like me... Who knows if it is a karma thing from an evil past life...
:bondage:

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

I talked to the creator yesterday Seriously, if you can tell me where my wife's wedding ring is, then I WILL BELIEVE...

[Godsgifttomankind]

Hello Cartesiantheater and thank-you for your reply,

This is only half in jest, GGTMK...
I was speaking of George Lucas, he has a great appreciation for the lengths that his fans will take the Star Wars world.


but if you speak directly to God, then I gotta know something...

Does he want me dead? Because I get this strange feeling that God hates me... maybe I'm wrong... but why don't you ask him for me?

God on the other hand has clearly stated that not only does He not hate you but in fact loves you with a greater love than you can begin to imagine. You are one of his unique creations, He created you noble and wants you to understand that it is you that has abased yourself. That is not his voice that you hear but the voice of the world. Take some time and find a very quiet place and allow all of those voices to be quieted and listen very deep within and you will hear the voice of God.



Well, that just made me wonder how many people I killed in my last life.

Sammy, you did not have a previous life, you came into being at the point of your conception, that is a thought from God.

The struggle that you are having is internal between what you know is right and that which you desire along with everything that anyone has ever told you.

Bill, where it is between you and your wife, when you get that settled the ring will be returned to it's place, there is more at stake here than just a ring.

God bless you all!

[Cartesiantheater]

Seriously, if you can tell me where my wife's wedding ring is, then I WILL BELIEVE...
Bill... you MUST recover the One Ring! You MUST... find... the...Precious.... AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!


...wait, that's total blasphemy, isn't it?.... ah hell I'm in for it! :bondage:

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

Bill, where it is between you and your wife, when you get that settled the ring will be returned to it's place, there is more at stake here than just a ring. The only problem that we have in our lives right now is, ironically, conceiving a child "God's way". So are you saying that, when we either get pregnant or receive a child from the adoption agency, the ring will show up?


Bill... you MUST recover the One Ring! You MUST... find... the...Precious.... AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Theeeyy WANTS it! They NEEEEEEEEDS it. They wants to STEALS it from ussssss! Tricksy Christians!


...wait, that's total blasphemy, isn't it?.... ah hell I'm in for it! Yes, you are. I have dispatched a probe droid to your home. Please remain where you are. By the way, it's not just ANY probe droid... it's an ANAL probe droid. Enjoy, blasphemer!

[lazserus]

"Not bad for a little fur ball."
"She doesn't look like much, but she's got it where it counts."
"Rise, my friend."
You have to give works cited! Anyhow, GOOD ones! Those were more subtle than others, but fantastic.

If this thread turns into banter then I'm insticking and moving to Off Topic. It started strong but is ending less. Mind the responses folks, otherwise this great start ends up in Bill's underwear drawer next to Fred Derst.

[Godsgifttomankind]

Hello Bill and thank-you for your reply,

The only problem that we have in our lives right now is, ironically, conceiving a child "God's way". So are you saying that, when we either get pregnant or receive a child from the adoption agency, the ring will show up?

Conception is a positive thought and all require you to think, in order to conceive, find the ring and to have God revealed to you. All require you to be a great detective, a private dick; so that you can determine the the culmination of events.

You are not using the tools that God gave you, a child is the product of love and sacrifice, when each of you is willing to place your partners needs ahead of your own wants and desires then your thoughts will be at a point of conception and the process will be complete.

Stop trying, stop looking and stop being illogical, let your mind come to rest, you must be willing to let go of all those preconceived ideas of God and use the wisdom and methodology that you have learned in the education process.

For God to be revealed to you, you must be willing to piece together an image of God, just as a great dick puts pieces together to solve the case.

[afauglid]

I'm proclaim no knowledge of the "Jedi", but I would like to commend whom ever put this together as they really spend some time concieving this thing. Kodo's to the human imagination... I guess..

[Cartesiantheater]

The only problem that we have in our lives right now is, ironically, conceiving a child "God's way". So are you saying that, when we either get pregnant or receive a child from the adoption agency, the ring will show up?

Theeeyy WANTS it! They NEEEEEEEEDS it. They wants to STEALS it from ussssss! Tricksy Christians!

Yes, you are. I have dispatched a probe droid to your home. Please remain where you are. By the way, it's not just ANY probe droid... it's an ANAL probe droid. Enjoy, blasphemer!
BUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


hehe... you just got yourself into hot water... this is going into the next dirt digging campaign commercial...hehe

[B.NyeTheUruk-Hai]

hehe... you just got yourself into hot water... this is going into the next dirt digging campaign commercial...hehe Oh crap. I should've conceded when I had the chance...

[alpha]

"laugh it up fuzzball"

In 2001, in the UK an email went round before the National Census calling all Star Wars fans to put their religion in as Jedi, supposedly if there's over 200 Jedi's registered it officially becomes a religion.

I've emailed the Government on countless occasions but they won't give me the detail of other groups below Zoroastrians who number 4000 in the UK.

http://www.statistics.gov.uk/CCI/nugget.asp?ID=955&Pos=&ColRank=2&Rank=896

It would be well funny if the UK Gov't had to acknowledge Jedi as a religion!!

George would be well pleased!!!

[Flynn]

"laugh it up fuzzball"

In 2001, in the UK an email went round before the National Census calling all Star Wars fans to put their religion in as Jedi, supposedly if there's over 200 Jedi's registered it officially becomes a religion.

I've emailed the Government on countless occasions but they won't give me the detail of other groups below Zoroastrians who number 4000 in the UK.

http://www.statistics.gov.uk/CCI/nugget.asp?ID=955&Pos=&ColRank=2&Rank=896

It would be well funny if the UK Gov't had to acknowledge Jedi as a religion!!

George would be well pleased!!!http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jedi_census_phenomenon

[Marajadex]

Hi everyone!

I know it has been along time... this find was too good not to share!!!!!

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g131/Enotiq/1546572740_l.jpg

http://s55.photobucket.com/albums/g131/Enotiq/?action=view&current=1546572740_l.jpg

[johnb1]

Question?

Younger Yoda VS Dark Vader

Who has the advantage in Winning on a one on one battle combat?

[Assassin X]

OMG NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Not Hello Kitty Vader! "What is they kitty my master?" lol. I'm saving that picture! Awesome.

[FireAnt]

Marajadex!! Where the hell have you been?!! :yikes:

Very funny pic. I wonder what he did to get stuck with wearing that suit lol. It would have been so funny if the official Vader actually wore that thing in the movies. :chuckle:

[Nu Kua]

Yikes, they are plastering that Hello Kitty face over everything these days- but DARTH?!?!

That's blasphemy.

[calliope]

What depth. :)

My 6yr old son and I have watched the Star Wars films and played PS2 lego star wars games unendingly as of late. He's determined to be a Jedi now. I was at first dismayed, but then pleased (as far as his independence goes), when today he told me that he would leave me in a moment to pursue his Jedi training, as little Anakin left his mother, but unlike Anakin, he would have no fear! I think that he relates to Anakin as we are mother and son living alone together, and in a not so kind world.

So I unearthed this thread today, and it's delightful in its earnestness.

(The force has offered its guidance on many an occasion as well!)

[Assassin X]

I remember this topic. My side religion.

[calliope]

Haha....many christians do find much to relate the two ideologies...

I have found in some random readings that there actually was an Egyptian brotherhood of priest kings and spiritual masters known as the DJEDHI. There are of course places on the web that connect them to the Jedi masters. An interesting train of thought to follow.

There was a time that I had begun a new temporary assignment on a military base. It was lunchtime, and I was hungry. I had heard that there was a Subway on the base. (as a vegetarian, I am fond of their veggie offerings.) Anyway, no one was around to give me directions, so I just decided to "find" it lol, but I didn't have much time. As I began driving, I suspended all thought, and let the "force" take over -- I swear, it was like auto pilot...I made all the correct turns, it was quite a winding way, and ended up directly at the subway! Since then, I'm a believer!

[calliope]

I don't know whether this was mentioned in this thread or elsewhere -- I tried reading through all of it, but may have skipped some, there is so much! -- but found it interesting enough, to repeat, if nothing else...


George Lucas, the creator of the Star Wars films, has attributed the origins of "The Force" to the 1963 Arthur Lipsett abstract film 21-87 which used samples from many sources.

"One of the audio sources Lipsett sampled for 21-87 [a film that had a great influence on Lucas] was a conversation between artificial intelligence pioneer Warren S. McCulloch and Roman Kroitor , a cinematographer who went on to develop IMAX. In the face of McCulloch's arguments that living beings are nothing but highly complex machines, Kroitor insists that there is something more: 'Many people feel that in the contemplation of nature and in communication with other living things, they become aware of some kind of force, or something, behind this apparent mask which we see in front of us, and they call it God.'"

"When asked if this was the source of "the Force," Lucas confirms that his use of the term in Star Wars was 'an echo of that phrase in 21-87.'" [1].

source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Force_(Star_Wars)

[calliope]

And finally, an intriguing connection:


The remarkable history and wisdom of these two early sects of “Jedi” Knights was first introduced to the West by the Knights Templar, who upon returning from the Middle East in the 13th and 14th centuries, distilled “Jedi” histories learned from the Sufis into a series of lengthy Holy Grail legends. Within these pithy legends the Templars synthesized the powerful emperors and priest kings of the past into the enigmatic figure of the Fisher King, the resident of a Grail Castle and the owner of various manifestations of the Holy Grail. His well-being and the safekeeping of his castle’s Holy Grail relics was given over to an order of Knights of the Grail, who were a distillation of the early “Jedi” Knights from Egypt and Persia. But the Knights Templar let it be known that they were not just historians of the ancient Masters of the Force; they were themselves a latter day version of “Jedi” Knights. This truth was boldly and authoritatively proclaimed in Parzival by Knight Wolfram von Eschenbach when he specifically referred to the Fisher King’s Holy Grail Knights as Templars. Parzival, as well as other historical references put forth in the ture Djedi could awaken the normally dormant “serpent” power, the fiery Force at the base of his spine, and then move it upwards to his head where it would culminate in supernatural powers and intuitive, gnostic wisdom....

Thus, from at least one perspective, the formation of the Knights Templar in 1118 CE could be historically entitled the “Return of the Jedi”! But if this is true, what happened to the Templars’ “Jedi” wisdom? Does it still exist? In recorded history, the Secrets of the Force of the “Jedi” Knights’ were first taught among the Egyptian “Jedi” or Djedi, who may have received them from a much earlier pre-historical “Jedi” Knight order, perhaps one from Atlantis. One Djedi priest mentioned in the Egyptian’s Westcar Papyrus is said to have possessed the key that opened the “secret chambers of the sanctuary of Thoth,” who many esoteric historians believe was a missionary and Master of the Force from Atlantis. Within his sanctuary were books authored by Thoth that covered in detail the physics behind activating and developing the Force through alchemy—the art that Thoth-Hermes would eventually become the recognized patron of throughout the world. Through Thoth’s alchemy, the esoteric symbol of which is the caduceus.

full article: http://www.bluestarenterprise.com/Jedi_Article.html