lightweight nat
Sep 12th, 2003, 5:10 AM
in wake of the recent concerns over possible supervolcano activity in north america and widespread panic, comes new reports of an even more threatening possible end to life on planet earth.
scientists at the global expansion research and development facility in nebraska have calculated that within the next thousand years thermal expansion of the earth could cause the surface of the earth to extend beyond the upper limits of out atmosphere.
these scientists claim that due to global warming and the resulting thermal expansion the entire earth wil grow pushing the surface of the earth further towards space. eventually, the surface could extend beyond our protective atmosphere. the moment this happens the vacuum in space would suck everything out into space.
anyone (well everyone actually, there's no escape) who get sucked out into space will not have long, the scientists say. within a few seconds due to the low pressure your blood would boil causing you to explode in a shower of icky bits and intestinal tissue.
the scientists in nebraska are currently co-ordinating with scientists around the world to formulate some kind of plan to save the planet, with the current favourite idea being to construct a large belt to go round the equator to hold the earth in. arguments have erupted within the international communtiy over which country the buckle should go in.
scientists also worry that all the boiled off blood caused by exploding humans and animals in space around the edge of the earth may attract space sharks. similair to the more well known aquatic sharks only much bigger, these monsters can sniff blood from many light years away. not to worry though, as everyone will be dead by the time they get here.
current government advice includes consulting your physician to check which vaccine shots you will need to be protected in space, completing a course of pills designed to prepare the body for extreme low pressure exposure, and going down to the nasa surplus store and geting a space suit.
good luck everyone!
(oh and watch out for the moon, as due to the earths increased size it will be rolling around the surface like an enormous bowling ball, instead of orbiting as it does now.)
scientists at the global expansion research and development facility in nebraska have calculated that within the next thousand years thermal expansion of the earth could cause the surface of the earth to extend beyond the upper limits of out atmosphere.
these scientists claim that due to global warming and the resulting thermal expansion the entire earth wil grow pushing the surface of the earth further towards space. eventually, the surface could extend beyond our protective atmosphere. the moment this happens the vacuum in space would suck everything out into space.
anyone (well everyone actually, there's no escape) who get sucked out into space will not have long, the scientists say. within a few seconds due to the low pressure your blood would boil causing you to explode in a shower of icky bits and intestinal tissue.
the scientists in nebraska are currently co-ordinating with scientists around the world to formulate some kind of plan to save the planet, with the current favourite idea being to construct a large belt to go round the equator to hold the earth in. arguments have erupted within the international communtiy over which country the buckle should go in.
scientists also worry that all the boiled off blood caused by exploding humans and animals in space around the edge of the earth may attract space sharks. similair to the more well known aquatic sharks only much bigger, these monsters can sniff blood from many light years away. not to worry though, as everyone will be dead by the time they get here.
current government advice includes consulting your physician to check which vaccine shots you will need to be protected in space, completing a course of pills designed to prepare the body for extreme low pressure exposure, and going down to the nasa surplus store and geting a space suit.
good luck everyone!
(oh and watch out for the moon, as due to the earths increased size it will be rolling around the surface like an enormous bowling ball, instead of orbiting as it does now.)