Batmensch
Jan 10th, 2006, 5:04 AM
Gotcha, you WoW players! Thought I'd start polluting AO with this stuff as well, didn't ja?
View Full Version : Chuck Norris Rocks!!!
DarkAce
Jan 11th, 2006, 12:52 AM
Chuck Norris indeed rocks. Ever get the email about the things Chuck Norris can do? Paraphrazing, but one of them went like "Chuck Norris tears can actually cure cancer, but Chuck Norris never cries."
Heh.
Heh.
Defiant Noquisi
Jan 11th, 2006, 3:28 PM
Hmmmmm, should I or shouldn't I delete? Hmmmmm, I see enough of this shit in WoW.
/me is in a deletion sorta mood.
Muahahahaha!!!
/me is in a deletion sorta mood.
Muahahahaha!!!
Batmensch
Jan 11th, 2006, 3:32 PM
Hah, I caught one! Let him have it, DefNoq! :)
Defiant Noquisi
Jan 11th, 2006, 4:20 PM
Oh! Hehehehe, I was thinking of deleting the thread! Mauahahahaah!
liberdave
Jan 11th, 2006, 4:27 PM
I heard Chuck Norris wears a ribbed condom for his pleasure.
bbbv3.5
Jan 28th, 2006, 9:20 PM
I heard Chuck Norris kicked the shit out of BBB, which kept him in hiding from AO.
DontBeAfraid
Jan 28th, 2006, 10:43 PM
I heard CHuck Norris always has sex on the first date.... ALWAYS
lol I loved the chuck norris list
lol I loved the chuck norris list
DarkAce
Jan 28th, 2006, 10:46 PM
When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
DontBeAfraid
Jan 29th, 2006, 12:32 AM
chuck norris donates lots of blood.... but never any of his own.
evilwill
Jan 29th, 2006, 8:42 AM
He also munches on sweaty balls for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Three servings of balls a day keeps any abilitiy to act away... :P
Heh, vodka makes me rhyme...
Three servings of balls a day keeps any abilitiy to act away... :P
Heh, vodka makes me rhyme...
DarkAce
Jan 29th, 2006, 1:40 PM
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
DontBeAfraid
Jan 29th, 2006, 3:36 PM
Chuck Norris doesnt read book..... He just stares them down until they give him the information he wants.
DarkAce
Jan 30th, 2006, 3:53 PM
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
Marajadex
Jan 30th, 2006, 4:45 PM
I heard on the radio today that Chuck Norris can melt Glaciers with his bare hands!!!
DarkAce
Jan 30th, 2006, 8:17 PM
When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
Marajadex
Jan 30th, 2006, 8:41 PM
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
DarkAce
Jan 30th, 2006, 9:22 PM
Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
Marajadex
Jan 31st, 2006, 8:36 PM
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
DarkAce
Jan 31st, 2006, 11:18 PM
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.
Marajadex
Feb 1st, 2006, 4:50 PM
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
DarkAce
Feb 1st, 2006, 6:07 PM
Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
Marajadex
Feb 1st, 2006, 6:30 PM
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
DaSoviet
Feb 9th, 2006, 10:22 AM
Chuck Norris sleeps with the light on, this is not because he is scared of the dark. Its because the dark is scared of chuck norris.
Also, when the boogieman goes to sleep, he checks his wardrode to see if chuck norris is there. Haha, these are the best, we had a right laugh all day at these in school. Heres a link cus the main site is down atm. http://mike.wordpress.com/2005/12/05/chuck-norris-the-facts/
Also, when the boogieman goes to sleep, he checks his wardrode to see if chuck norris is there. Haha, these are the best, we had a right laugh all day at these in school. Heres a link cus the main site is down atm. http://mike.wordpress.com/2005/12/05/chuck-norris-the-facts/
Sabazi
Feb 9th, 2006, 2:16 PM
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris.
According to the Laws of Physics, it is impossible for Chuck Norris to build more muscle. Upon realizing this, Chuck Norris swiftly roundhouse kicked every Law of Physics known to man, as well as those known only by Chuck Norris. He now has the ability to will His muscles to any level of strength He desires at any given time.
Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris.
According to the Laws of Physics, it is impossible for Chuck Norris to build more muscle. Upon realizing this, Chuck Norris swiftly roundhouse kicked every Law of Physics known to man, as well as those known only by Chuck Norris. He now has the ability to will His muscles to any level of strength He desires at any given time.
Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.
Marajadex
Feb 9th, 2006, 5:11 PM
Chuck Norris got sick of hearing Michael Jackson's hit song Thriller, so he gave hime a roundhouse kick to the balls. Micheal Jackson's voice became permantely high pitched; he lost all color pigments in his skin; and his nose fell off.
Marajadex
Feb 9th, 2006, 5:26 PM
In the beginning God created Chuck Norris, but only because Chuck told him too or he'd kick God's ass.
Smoke
Oct 25th, 2006, 10:49 PM
All techno music is based on the different beats of Chuck Norris's heart.
Chuck Norris is the only person who can go to Mexico and drink the water.
To maintain his status as the life of the party, Chuck Norris shaves his beard and amazes the crowd as they watch it grow back before them.
In the early 1500s, Chuck Norris began a starring contest with Michelangelo's "David". He hasn't blinked since.
When Chuck Norris farts, it smells like freshly baked cinnamon rolls
Chuck Norris once delivered three Mexican babies while eating a ham sandwhich.
Chuck Norris was what Willis was talkin' 'bout.
Angered by the fact that Hurricane Katrina was not named Hurricane Chuck, Norris went on a killing spree. It is been rumored that he mutilated 7 meterologists, 15 journalists, and 3 unrelated civilians. He was seen later on screaming "Who's a CAT 5 now *****?!"
In the movie "Anaconda", the part of the snake was played by Chuck Norris' penis. If you look close, you can see him in a couple of scenes, smiling.
The Chuck Norris diet consists of nails, drug dealers and children.
Mr. T may pity the fool, but Chuck Norris pities Mr. T.
Chuck Norris went to the supermarket to pick up some eggs, but everytime he touched the eggs, the scrambled themsevles and jumped out of the shell. When asked by the a beautiful woman how he was able to perform such a feat, Chuck Norris replied, "I am all that is man." He then stared at her for 5 seconds, then gave her a roundhouse kick to the face.
There's no such thing as a tornado. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks
Chuck Norris went into a kindergarten to talk about fire safety. After four minutes three children were on fire and Chuck had shot a bottle-rocket out of his urethra.
Whenever Chuck Norris's wife asks him nicely to do the dishes, he throws them in the garbage and tells her she looks fat.
Chuck Norris promised a Gypsy that he would eat San Francisco when Duke Nukem Forever is released. That's why it has been pushed back so many times.
Due to the excessive amount of unprotected sex Chuck Norris takes part in, it is garunteed that he appears in your family tree anywhere from 3 to 10 times.
Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.
Shortly after winning the 1978 international Kung Fu title Chuck Norris flew around the world in a hot air balloon in 3 days, prooving that records are simply a list of things Chuck Norris has never attempted.
Chuck Norris cried wolf, only to beat up the villagers who showed up.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Chuck Norris invented fire, by roundhouse kicking two people togther at an incredably fast rate.
Chuck Norris told the kid from the "Sixth Sense" that he has AIDS.
Chuck Norris doesn't actually have a beard. What we perceive as a sexy and rugged man-beard is actually just Chuck Norris' skin. Legend has it that if Chuck Norris actually grew a beard, every woman in the world would simultaneously orgasm, thus destroying the Earth. Chuck Norris isn't sure if that's true, but he thinks we're better safe than sorry.
When asked if videogame-related violence was a threat to America's children, Chuck Norris promptly roundhouse kicked Jack Thompson in the face. Ironically, moments later two 13-year-olds were found dead less than a mile from the scene, attempting to reenact this stunt.
No one has ever seen Chuck Norris and Optimus Prime together at the same time. Coincidence?
In space, Chuck Norris can hear you scream.
Talk to your doctor to find out if Chuck Norris is right for you. Serious and common side effects may occur, including heart attack, stroke, and oily discharge. Chuck Norris should not be handled by women who are pregnant or may become pregnant by him.
Chuck Norris is the greatest baseball player of all time, but because he hits homeruns with roundhouse kicks, he has never been allowed to play at the professional level.
Chuck Norris once knocked out his own shadow.
Chuck Norris has to use the "withdrawal" method of birth control, not to avoid pregnancy, but because his load is so powerful is always kills the woman.
If Chuck Norris had a dollar and you had a dollar, Chuck would kick your *** and take your dollar
When you pray to god, Chuck Norris listens, Then round house kicks you to the head for believeing in god and not Chuck Norris.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because Chuck Norris ate its entire family, killed the farmer who bred it, and sex with the famers' wife all at the same time.
Chuck Norris once showed me a video of him making love to my wife, and it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw!
Ben and Jerry's was recently forced to pull their new flavor, "Chuck Norris' Roundhouse Swirl", from shelves following a slew of complaints from parents. The ice cream was blood red, and contained pieces of small children and rusty nails.
Chuck Noris fought the law.
Chuck Noris won.
When Chuck Norris bleeds, oak trees sprout up from where the blood fell.
Chuck Norris is so smart, Steven Hawking stood up to bow down to him
Chuck Norris once made love to a grizzly bear for 4 hours.
Chuck Norris was once fed music staff paper on accident. When he defecated later that night, the remains of the paper was a beautiful piece. He gave it to his friend Beethoven, who called it his fifth symphony. Chuck was angry that Beethoven had not given him any of the money he made, so he shot Beethoven in the ear, resulting in deafness.
Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter. And he'll roundhouse kick your *** if you say otherwise.
Chuck Norris' beard trimmings are a source of 7 essential nutrients.
Every time Chuck Norris sneezes, a third-world contry is annihilated from the face of the Earth.
Chuck Norris can unwrap a Starburst inside his mouth. The only other person that can do this is currently locked in a cage in Chuck's basement.
Chuck Norris took the Mona Lisa's virginity.
Chuck Norris doesn't have to kill you today. Chuck Norris is patient.
Chuck Norris paints his house red by throwing new born babies against the walls.
Upon reading a fictitious story in his local tabloid, Chuck Norris ripped out the heart of its writer and used his blood to fertilize his lawn. To celebrate, Norris let Steven Seagal out of his cage and beat him mercilessly. Mr. T, who was also present, pitied the **** out of Segal. Norris then ****ed your wife, and lit her body on fire using pure grain alcohol and bolts of lightning from his eyes.
Chuck Norris was created in a test tube with the semen from a ninja, a lumberjack, and a pirate. This is why in his spare time he has been known to roundhouse kick down trees, build a pirate ship out of them, and proceed to plunder a small village.
Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris once talked in his sleep. The words he said were recorded in a classified government document and sent straight to the president. The No Child Left Behind Act stems from this document.
Chuck Norris once hurled his body in the way of an 18 wheeler to save a baby, coincedently while performing his NFL style victory dance he spiked the baby into the ground and performed a perfect moonwalk
Chuck Norris' voice always echos, no matter what. Even in the vaccuum of space he will echo. Top scientists believe its the result of his tight jeans. Damn he has a sweet ***.
Chuck Norris is the only person who can go to Mexico and drink the water.
To maintain his status as the life of the party, Chuck Norris shaves his beard and amazes the crowd as they watch it grow back before them.
In the early 1500s, Chuck Norris began a starring contest with Michelangelo's "David". He hasn't blinked since.
When Chuck Norris farts, it smells like freshly baked cinnamon rolls
Chuck Norris once delivered three Mexican babies while eating a ham sandwhich.
Chuck Norris was what Willis was talkin' 'bout.
Angered by the fact that Hurricane Katrina was not named Hurricane Chuck, Norris went on a killing spree. It is been rumored that he mutilated 7 meterologists, 15 journalists, and 3 unrelated civilians. He was seen later on screaming "Who's a CAT 5 now *****?!"
In the movie "Anaconda", the part of the snake was played by Chuck Norris' penis. If you look close, you can see him in a couple of scenes, smiling.
The Chuck Norris diet consists of nails, drug dealers and children.
Mr. T may pity the fool, but Chuck Norris pities Mr. T.
Chuck Norris went to the supermarket to pick up some eggs, but everytime he touched the eggs, the scrambled themsevles and jumped out of the shell. When asked by the a beautiful woman how he was able to perform such a feat, Chuck Norris replied, "I am all that is man." He then stared at her for 5 seconds, then gave her a roundhouse kick to the face.
There's no such thing as a tornado. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks
Chuck Norris went into a kindergarten to talk about fire safety. After four minutes three children were on fire and Chuck had shot a bottle-rocket out of his urethra.
Whenever Chuck Norris's wife asks him nicely to do the dishes, he throws them in the garbage and tells her she looks fat.
Chuck Norris promised a Gypsy that he would eat San Francisco when Duke Nukem Forever is released. That's why it has been pushed back so many times.
Due to the excessive amount of unprotected sex Chuck Norris takes part in, it is garunteed that he appears in your family tree anywhere from 3 to 10 times.
Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.
Shortly after winning the 1978 international Kung Fu title Chuck Norris flew around the world in a hot air balloon in 3 days, prooving that records are simply a list of things Chuck Norris has never attempted.
Chuck Norris cried wolf, only to beat up the villagers who showed up.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Chuck Norris invented fire, by roundhouse kicking two people togther at an incredably fast rate.
Chuck Norris told the kid from the "Sixth Sense" that he has AIDS.
Chuck Norris doesn't actually have a beard. What we perceive as a sexy and rugged man-beard is actually just Chuck Norris' skin. Legend has it that if Chuck Norris actually grew a beard, every woman in the world would simultaneously orgasm, thus destroying the Earth. Chuck Norris isn't sure if that's true, but he thinks we're better safe than sorry.
When asked if videogame-related violence was a threat to America's children, Chuck Norris promptly roundhouse kicked Jack Thompson in the face. Ironically, moments later two 13-year-olds were found dead less than a mile from the scene, attempting to reenact this stunt.
No one has ever seen Chuck Norris and Optimus Prime together at the same time. Coincidence?
In space, Chuck Norris can hear you scream.
Talk to your doctor to find out if Chuck Norris is right for you. Serious and common side effects may occur, including heart attack, stroke, and oily discharge. Chuck Norris should not be handled by women who are pregnant or may become pregnant by him.
Chuck Norris is the greatest baseball player of all time, but because he hits homeruns with roundhouse kicks, he has never been allowed to play at the professional level.
Chuck Norris once knocked out his own shadow.
Chuck Norris has to use the "withdrawal" method of birth control, not to avoid pregnancy, but because his load is so powerful is always kills the woman.
If Chuck Norris had a dollar and you had a dollar, Chuck would kick your *** and take your dollar
When you pray to god, Chuck Norris listens, Then round house kicks you to the head for believeing in god and not Chuck Norris.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because Chuck Norris ate its entire family, killed the farmer who bred it, and sex with the famers' wife all at the same time.
Chuck Norris once showed me a video of him making love to my wife, and it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw!
Ben and Jerry's was recently forced to pull their new flavor, "Chuck Norris' Roundhouse Swirl", from shelves following a slew of complaints from parents. The ice cream was blood red, and contained pieces of small children and rusty nails.
Chuck Noris fought the law.
Chuck Noris won.
When Chuck Norris bleeds, oak trees sprout up from where the blood fell.
Chuck Norris is so smart, Steven Hawking stood up to bow down to him
Chuck Norris once made love to a grizzly bear for 4 hours.
Chuck Norris was once fed music staff paper on accident. When he defecated later that night, the remains of the paper was a beautiful piece. He gave it to his friend Beethoven, who called it his fifth symphony. Chuck was angry that Beethoven had not given him any of the money he made, so he shot Beethoven in the ear, resulting in deafness.
Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter. And he'll roundhouse kick your *** if you say otherwise.
Chuck Norris' beard trimmings are a source of 7 essential nutrients.
Every time Chuck Norris sneezes, a third-world contry is annihilated from the face of the Earth.
Chuck Norris can unwrap a Starburst inside his mouth. The only other person that can do this is currently locked in a cage in Chuck's basement.
Chuck Norris took the Mona Lisa's virginity.
Chuck Norris doesn't have to kill you today. Chuck Norris is patient.
Chuck Norris paints his house red by throwing new born babies against the walls.
Upon reading a fictitious story in his local tabloid, Chuck Norris ripped out the heart of its writer and used his blood to fertilize his lawn. To celebrate, Norris let Steven Seagal out of his cage and beat him mercilessly. Mr. T, who was also present, pitied the **** out of Segal. Norris then ****ed your wife, and lit her body on fire using pure grain alcohol and bolts of lightning from his eyes.
Chuck Norris was created in a test tube with the semen from a ninja, a lumberjack, and a pirate. This is why in his spare time he has been known to roundhouse kick down trees, build a pirate ship out of them, and proceed to plunder a small village.
Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris once talked in his sleep. The words he said were recorded in a classified government document and sent straight to the president. The No Child Left Behind Act stems from this document.
Chuck Norris once hurled his body in the way of an 18 wheeler to save a baby, coincedently while performing his NFL style victory dance he spiked the baby into the ground and performed a perfect moonwalk
Chuck Norris' voice always echos, no matter what. Even in the vaccuum of space he will echo. Top scientists believe its the result of his tight jeans. Damn he has a sweet ***.
Smoke
Oct 25th, 2006, 10:54 PM
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
Chuck Norris once ripped a man in half just to see what he had for lunch.
Chuck Norris hates midgets and is developing a special lower version of his roundhouse kick just for them
When Chuck Norris purchases anything he doesn't pay in money, he pays in death.
The milkshake doesn't bring Chuck Norris to the yard.
Michael Jackson didn't have facial reconstructive surgery. Chuck Norris kicked him in the face for making crappy music.
Chuck Norris loves the smell of naplam in the morning.
Chuck Norris was once pulled over by a cop for going through a 25 mph school zone doing 80 in his Ford Pinto. When the cop looked inside the car to give Norris a ticket, the incredible amount of badassness emanating from Chuck Norris instantly made him go insane, causing him to pull out his gun and shoot himself in the head. Norris laughed all the way home, and drove and extra 10 mph faster just for spite.
Somewhere, right now, Chuck Norris is plowing a woman he doesn't love.
The failing economy didn't end communism in Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris did.
While pruning Chuck Norris' beard, an idea was conceived by an unknown barber. Consequently, the birth of steel wool occurred
Chuck Norris' mother tried to terminate her pregnancy, but Chuck Norris survived the operation through the sheer determination of his will
Chuck Norris was with a good friend when he was suddenly attacked by a ninja. He easily defeated him by throwing him out the window. His friend commented by humorously saying, "Looks like that guy got 'chucked' out the window!" Chuck Norris was confused at the mention of his name, and roundhouse kicked his friend through a wall.
Chuck Norris was once the judge at an interpretive dance competition. He found them guilty.
Chuck Norris can cause a forest fire just using the magical properties of his beard, he can then, if he chooses, extinguish the fire by roundhouse kicking it.
Chuck Norris proposed to his wife by spelling out "Will you marry me?" in semen. Needless to say, she said yes.
To be stuck between Chuck Norris and hard place makes the hard place pretty damn appealing.
Chuck Norris finished his career with a .967 batting average, 1,828 home runs, and 10,073 RBI's. He accomplished this feat by hitting the ball solely with a roundhouse kick.
Once Chuck Norris was asked "who would win in a fight, him or Van Damme?" to which he replied "I have more talent in one whisker of my beard than that punk."
When Van Damme heard wind of this he challenged Chuck, Chuck stood back plucked a single whisker from his beard. The whisker then proceeded to dominate Van Damme, then make love to his wife.
Chuck Norris does not have friends, only potential targets for his roundhouse to the face.
Soon after birth, Chuck Norris' mother requested that he be circumcised. He then round house kicked her in the face and fled, dragging his dead mother behind him by her embilical cord.
For every hour a plane ride takes, Chuck Norris can get to the destination in that many steps.
Chuck Norris' heart beats once every week.
Chuck Norris made killing cool. Before everybody was like, "Killing? Yeah right!" But now everybody is like, "Sweet."
In 2028 Chuck Norris will not be killed by old age. Chuck Norris will kill old age.
Chuck Norris is the sound of one hand clapping.
The Great Wall of China was modeled after Chuck Norris' pectoral muscles. This would explain the large amount of dead Asians buried within the wall.
Chuck Norris was once pulled over by a cop for going through a 25 mph school zone doing 80 in his Ford Pinto. When the cop looked inside the car to give Norris a ticket, the incredible amount of badassness emanating from Chuck Norris instantly made him go insane, causing him to pull out his gun and shoot himself in the head. Norris laughed all the way home, and drove and extra 10 mph faster just for spite.
Somewhere, right now, Chuck Norris is plowing a woman he doesn't love.
The failing economy didn't end communism in Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris did.
While pruning Chuck Norris' beard, an idea was conceived by an unknown barber. Consequently, the birth of steel wool occurred
Chuck Norris' mother tried to terminate her pregnancy, but Chuck Norris survived the operation through the sheer determination of his will
Chuck Norris proposed to his wife by spelling out "Will you marry me?" in semen. Needless to say, she said yes.
To be stuck between Chuck Norris and hard place makes the hard place pretty damn appealing.
Chuck Norris finished his career with a .967 batting average, 1,828 home runs, and 10,073 RBI's. He accomplished this feat by hitting the ball solely with a roundhouse kick.
Once Chuck Norris was asked "who would win in a fight, him or Van Damme?" to which he replied "I have more talent in one whisker of my beard than that punk."
When Van Damme heard wind of this he challenged Chuck, Chuck stood back plucked a single whisker from his beard. The whisker then proceeded to dominate Van Damme, then make love to his wife.
Chuck Norris does not have friends, only potential targets for his roundhouse to the face.
Soon after birth, Chuck Norris' mother requested that he be circumcised. He then round house kicked her in the face and fled, dragging his dead mother behind him by her embilical cord.
For every hour a plane ride takes, Chuck Norris can get to the destination in that many steps.
Chuck Norris' heart beats once every week.
Chuck Norris made killing cool. Before everybody was like, "Killing? Yeah right!" But now everybody is like, "Sweet."
In 2028 Chuck Norris will not be killed by old age. Chuck Norris will kill old age.
Chuck Norris is the sound of one hand clapping.
The Great Wall of China was modeled after Chuck Norris' pectoral muscles. This would explain the large amount of dead Asians buried within the wall.
Chuck Norris was once pulled over by a cop for going through a 25 mph school zone doing 80 in his Ford Pinto. When the cop looked inside the car to give Norris a ticket, the incredible amount of badassness emanating from Chuck Norris instantly made him go insane, causing him to pull out his gun and shoot himself in the head. Norris laughed all the way home, and drove and extra 10 mph faster just for spite.
Somewhere, right now, Chuck Norris is plowing a woman he doesn't love.
The failing economy didn't end communism in Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris did.
While pruning Chuck Norris' beard, an idea was conceived by an unknown barber. Consequently, the birth of steel wool occurred
Chuck Norris' mother tried to terminate her pregnancy, but Chuck Norris survived the operation through the sheer determination of his will
Chuck Norris proposed to his wife by spelling out "Will you marry me?" in semen. Needless to say, she said yes.
To be stuck between Chuck Norris and hard place makes the hard place pretty damn appealing.
Chuck Norris finished his career with a .967 batting average, 1,828 home runs, and 10,073 RBI's. He accomplished this feat by hitting the ball solely with a roundhouse kick.
Once Chuck Norris was asked "who would win in a fight, him or Van Damme?" to which he replied "I have more talent in one whisker of my beard than that punk."
When Van Damme heard wind of this he challenged Chuck, Chuck stood back plucked a single whisker from his beard. The whisker then proceeded to dominate Van Damme, then make love to his wife.
Chuck Norris does not have friends, only potential targets for his roundhouse to the face.
Soon after birth, Chuck Norris' mother requested that he be circumcised. He then round house kicked her in the face and fled, dragging his dead mother behind him by her embilical cord.
For every hour a plane ride takes, Chuck Norris can get to the destination in that many steps.
Chuck Norris' heart beats once every week.
Chuck Norris made killing cool. Before everybody was like, "Killing? Yeah right!" But now everybody is like, "Sweet."
In 2028 Chuck Norris will not be killed by old age. Chuck Norris will kill old age.
Chuck Norris is the sound of one hand clapping.
The Great Wall of China was modeled after Chuck Norris' pectoral muscles. This would explain the large amount of dead Asians buried within the wall.
Chuck Norris was once pulled over by a cop for going through a 25 mph school zone doing 80 in his Ford Pinto. When the cop looked inside the car to give Norris a ticket, the incredible amount of badassness emanating from Chuck Norris instantly made him go insane, causing him to pull out his gun and shoot himself in the head. Norris laughed all the way home, and drove and extra 10 mph faster just for spite.
Somewhere, right now, Chuck Norris is plowing a woman he doesn't love.
The failing economy didn't end communism in Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris did.
While pruning Chuck Norris' beard, an idea was conceived by an unknown barber. Consequently, the birth of steel wool occurred
Chuck Norris' mother tried to terminate her pregnancy, but Chuck Norris survived the operation through the sheer determination of his will
just to keep you busy
Chuck Norris once ripped a man in half just to see what he had for lunch.
Chuck Norris hates midgets and is developing a special lower version of his roundhouse kick just for them
When Chuck Norris purchases anything he doesn't pay in money, he pays in death.
The milkshake doesn't bring Chuck Norris to the yard.
Michael Jackson didn't have facial reconstructive surgery. Chuck Norris kicked him in the face for making crappy music.
Chuck Norris loves the smell of naplam in the morning.
Chuck Norris was once pulled over by a cop for going through a 25 mph school zone doing 80 in his Ford Pinto. When the cop looked inside the car to give Norris a ticket, the incredible amount of badassness emanating from Chuck Norris instantly made him go insane, causing him to pull out his gun and shoot himself in the head. Norris laughed all the way home, and drove and extra 10 mph faster just for spite.
Somewhere, right now, Chuck Norris is plowing a woman he doesn't love.
The failing economy didn't end communism in Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris did.
While pruning Chuck Norris' beard, an idea was conceived by an unknown barber. Consequently, the birth of steel wool occurred
Chuck Norris' mother tried to terminate her pregnancy, but Chuck Norris survived the operation through the sheer determination of his will
Chuck Norris was with a good friend when he was suddenly attacked by a ninja. He easily defeated him by throwing him out the window. His friend commented by humorously saying, "Looks like that guy got 'chucked' out the window!" Chuck Norris was confused at the mention of his name, and roundhouse kicked his friend through a wall.
Chuck Norris was once the judge at an interpretive dance competition. He found them guilty.
Chuck Norris can cause a forest fire just using the magical properties of his beard, he can then, if he chooses, extinguish the fire by roundhouse kicking it.
Chuck Norris proposed to his wife by spelling out "Will you marry me?" in semen. Needless to say, she said yes.
To be stuck between Chuck Norris and hard place makes the hard place pretty damn appealing.
Chuck Norris finished his career with a .967 batting average, 1,828 home runs, and 10,073 RBI's. He accomplished this feat by hitting the ball solely with a roundhouse kick.
Once Chuck Norris was asked "who would win in a fight, him or Van Damme?" to which he replied "I have more talent in one whisker of my beard than that punk."
When Van Damme heard wind of this he challenged Chuck, Chuck stood back plucked a single whisker from his beard. The whisker then proceeded to dominate Van Damme, then make love to his wife.
Chuck Norris does not have friends, only potential targets for his roundhouse to the face.
Soon after birth, Chuck Norris' mother requested that he be circumcised. He then round house kicked her in the face and fled, dragging his dead mother behind him by her embilical cord.
For every hour a plane ride takes, Chuck Norris can get to the destination in that many steps.
Chuck Norris' heart beats once every week.
Chuck Norris made killing cool. Before everybody was like, "Killing? Yeah right!" But now everybody is like, "Sweet."
In 2028 Chuck Norris will not be killed by old age. Chuck Norris will kill old age.
Chuck Norris is the sound of one hand clapping.
The Great Wall of China was modeled after Chuck Norris' pectoral muscles. This would explain the large amount of dead Asians buried within the wall.
Chuck Norris was once pulled over by a cop for going through a 25 mph school zone doing 80 in his Ford Pinto. When the cop looked inside the car to give Norris a ticket, the incredible amount of badassness emanating from Chuck Norris instantly made him go insane, causing him to pull out his gun and shoot himself in the head. Norris laughed all the way home, and drove and extra 10 mph faster just for spite.
Somewhere, right now, Chuck Norris is plowing a woman he doesn't love.
The failing economy didn't end communism in Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris did.
While pruning Chuck Norris' beard, an idea was conceived by an unknown barber. Consequently, the birth of steel wool occurred
Chuck Norris' mother tried to terminate her pregnancy, but Chuck Norris survived the operation through the sheer determination of his will
Chuck Norris proposed to his wife by spelling out "Will you marry me?" in semen. Needless to say, she said yes.
To be stuck between Chuck Norris and hard place makes the hard place pretty damn appealing.
Chuck Norris finished his career with a .967 batting average, 1,828 home runs, and 10,073 RBI's. He accomplished this feat by hitting the ball solely with a roundhouse kick.
Once Chuck Norris was asked "who would win in a fight, him or Van Damme?" to which he replied "I have more talent in one whisker of my beard than that punk."
When Van Damme heard wind of this he challenged Chuck, Chuck stood back plucked a single whisker from his beard. The whisker then proceeded to dominate Van Damme, then make love to his wife.
Chuck Norris does not have friends, only potential targets for his roundhouse to the face.
Soon after birth, Chuck Norris' mother requested that he be circumcised. He then round house kicked her in the face and fled, dragging his dead mother behind him by her embilical cord.
For every hour a plane ride takes, Chuck Norris can get to the destination in that many steps.
Chuck Norris' heart beats once every week.
Chuck Norris made killing cool. Before everybody was like, "Killing? Yeah right!" But now everybody is like, "Sweet."
In 2028 Chuck Norris will not be killed by old age. Chuck Norris will kill old age.
Chuck Norris is the sound of one hand clapping.
The Great Wall of China was modeled after Chuck Norris' pectoral muscles. This would explain the large amount of dead Asians buried within the wall.
Chuck Norris was once pulled over by a cop for going through a 25 mph school zone doing 80 in his Ford Pinto. When the cop looked inside the car to give Norris a ticket, the incredible amount of badassness emanating from Chuck Norris instantly made him go insane, causing him to pull out his gun and shoot himself in the head. Norris laughed all the way home, and drove and extra 10 mph faster just for spite.
Somewhere, right now, Chuck Norris is plowing a woman he doesn't love.
The failing economy didn't end communism in Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris did.
While pruning Chuck Norris' beard, an idea was conceived by an unknown barber. Consequently, the birth of steel wool occurred
Chuck Norris' mother tried to terminate her pregnancy, but Chuck Norris survived the operation through the sheer determination of his will
Chuck Norris proposed to his wife by spelling out "Will you marry me?" in semen. Needless to say, she said yes.
To be stuck between Chuck Norris and hard place makes the hard place pretty damn appealing.
Chuck Norris finished his career with a .967 batting average, 1,828 home runs, and 10,073 RBI's. He accomplished this feat by hitting the ball solely with a roundhouse kick.
Once Chuck Norris was asked "who would win in a fight, him or Van Damme?" to which he replied "I have more talent in one whisker of my beard than that punk."
When Van Damme heard wind of this he challenged Chuck, Chuck stood back plucked a single whisker from his beard. The whisker then proceeded to dominate Van Damme, then make love to his wife.
Chuck Norris does not have friends, only potential targets for his roundhouse to the face.
Soon after birth, Chuck Norris' mother requested that he be circumcised. He then round house kicked her in the face and fled, dragging his dead mother behind him by her embilical cord.
For every hour a plane ride takes, Chuck Norris can get to the destination in that many steps.
Chuck Norris' heart beats once every week.
Chuck Norris made killing cool. Before everybody was like, "Killing? Yeah right!" But now everybody is like, "Sweet."
In 2028 Chuck Norris will not be killed by old age. Chuck Norris will kill old age.
Chuck Norris is the sound of one hand clapping.
The Great Wall of China was modeled after Chuck Norris' pectoral muscles. This would explain the large amount of dead Asians buried within the wall.
Chuck Norris was once pulled over by a cop for going through a 25 mph school zone doing 80 in his Ford Pinto. When the cop looked inside the car to give Norris a ticket, the incredible amount of badassness emanating from Chuck Norris instantly made him go insane, causing him to pull out his gun and shoot himself in the head. Norris laughed all the way home, and drove and extra 10 mph faster just for spite.
Somewhere, right now, Chuck Norris is plowing a woman he doesn't love.
The failing economy didn't end communism in Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris did.
While pruning Chuck Norris' beard, an idea was conceived by an unknown barber. Consequently, the birth of steel wool occurred
Chuck Norris' mother tried to terminate her pregnancy, but Chuck Norris survived the operation through the sheer determination of his will
just to keep you busy
Smoke
Oct 25th, 2006, 11:00 PM
Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.
When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
There are no weapons of mass destruction. Just Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.
Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.
When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.
A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris's urine was the main ingredient for balco's designer steroids. Therefore, Chuck Norris is actually the all-time single-season home run king.
Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be "Norrisized".
Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.
Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.
When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."
Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one
When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.
Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football-- in that order.
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather, roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'."
One day Chuck Norris walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
When Chuck Norris plays Red Rover, he walks over to the other line, roundhouse-kicks the first person, watches them all fall over in a domino, and screams out "Norris is over"
Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.
When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
There are no weapons of mass destruction. Just Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.
Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.
When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.
A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris's urine was the main ingredient for balco's designer steroids. Therefore, Chuck Norris is actually the all-time single-season home run king.
Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be "Norrisized".
Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.
Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.
When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."
Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one
When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.
Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football-- in that order.
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather, roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'."
One day Chuck Norris walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
When Chuck Norris plays Red Rover, he walks over to the other line, roundhouse-kicks the first person, watches them all fall over in a domino, and screams out "Norris is over"
Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
Smoke
Oct 28th, 2006, 2:20 PM
A CHUCK NORIS THREAD LOL!
defiant deleted all my Chuck Noris stuff off of mikeys thread :(
oh never mind. defiant just moved them, my apologies.
I should look before i post.
an asteroid did'nt kill the dinosaurs,
Chuch Norris did.
defiant deleted all my Chuck Noris stuff off of mikeys thread :(
oh never mind. defiant just moved them, my apologies.
I should look before i post.
an asteroid did'nt kill the dinosaurs,
Chuch Norris did.
lionheart
Jan 5th, 2007, 1:14 PM
Chuck norris dosent mispeel a word, if he did oxford would change the spelling
Fut004
Jan 5th, 2007, 1:26 PM
Kinda took the fun outta it, didn't ya Smoke?
Heavenly Disorder
Jan 11th, 2007, 3:49 PM
Chuck Norris ordered a big mac from burger king and got one
On one episode of DBZ Goku tried to reach super sayian 5 1/2 but chuck norris came out of no where and transformed in to super sayian norris, there were no survivors :headbang:
On one episode of DBZ Goku tried to reach super sayian 5 1/2 but chuck norris came out of no where and transformed in to super sayian norris, there were no survivors :headbang:
Heavenly Disorder
Jan 11th, 2007, 3:55 PM
there are not wepons of mass distruction in iraq, chuck norris lives in the us
Smoke
Jan 11th, 2007, 3:57 PM
Kinda took the fun outta it, didn't ya Smoke?
Yeah i raped it a little bit...............
Yeah i raped it a little bit...............
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