66 best reasons to be a man

[Smoke]

1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
2. You know stuff about cars.
3. A five day vacation only requires one suitcase.
4. Monday Night Football.
5. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
6. Old friends don't give you crap if you have lost or gained weight.
7. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
8. All your orgasms are real.
9. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
10. Guys in hockey masks don't attack you.
11. You don't have to lug a bunch of stuff around everywhere you go.
12. Your last name stays put.
13. You can kill your own food.
14. The garage is all yours.
15. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
16. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
17. You never have to clean the toilet.
18. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
19. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
20. Your underwear is $10 for a threepack.
21. The National College Cheerleading Championship.
22. You don't have to shave below your neck.
23. If you are 34 and single nobody notices.
24. You can write your name in the snow.
25. You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.
26. Everything on your face stays its original color.
27. Chocolate is just another snack.
28. You can be president.
29. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
30. Flowers fix everything.
31. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
32. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
33. Foreplay is optional.
34. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
35. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
36. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
37. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
38. You can watch a game in silence with your buddies for hours on end without thinking about anything.
39. The world is your urinal.
40. You get to jump up and slap stuff.
41. One mood, all the time.
42. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
43. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too scary.
44. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
45. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
46. Same work... more pay.
47. Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
48. Wedding dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
49. With 40 million sperm per shot, you could double the earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
50. The remote is yours and yours alone.
51. People never glance at your chest when you are talking to them.
52. ESPN's sports center.
53. Bachelor parties whomp ass over bridal showers.
54. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
55. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
56. Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
57. You can rationalize any behaviour with the handy phrase "**** it"
58. If another guy shows up at the party wearing the same outift, you might become lifelong buddies.
59. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood.
60. You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
61. If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.
62. Pornos are designed with your mind in mind.
63. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.
64. Your pals can be trusted to never trap you with,
" So... notice anything different?"
65. Baywatch
66. There is always a game on somewhere.
owned

[Perfectionist]

Errr .... missed out the best one dude ..... :D

[RavenWhitefang]

1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
I dont use the phone so, this one is pointless

2. You know stuff about cars.
I'm the mechanic in the relationship.

3. A five day vacation only requires one suitcase.
I only own a carry on suitcase.

4. Monday Night Football.
Depends on who's playing

5. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
I steal the mens room when this happens. :)

6. Old friends don't give you crap if you have lost or gained weight.
I dont have old friends.

7. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
Neither is mine, I dont work.

8. All your orgasms are real.
So are mine. Why lie?

9. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
Who said this?

10. Guys in hockey masks don't attack you.
I like kicking their asses though, so bring it.

11. You don't have to lug a bunch of stuff around everywhere you go.
If it doesnt fit in my pocket, its not worth carrying, unless its from Best Buy.

12. Your last name stays put.
Women CAN keep their last name, its usually the men who whine when they want to keep it.

13. You can kill your own food.
So can I.

14. The garage is all yours.
See #2

15. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
I could care less.

16. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
Yes.

17. You never have to clean the toilet.
Then you have a rank ass bathroom. Sorry bachelors.

18. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
I take less time than some men I know.

19. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Weddings are useless.

20. Your underwear is $10 for a threepack.
Dont bitch when a woman wears the 3pack panties then.

21. The National College Cheerleading Championship.
Those are fun, I like seeing them land on their asses.

22. You don't have to shave below your neck.
Neither do we, but it is more comfortable being hairless.

23. If you are 34 and single nobody notices.
Not true.

24. You can write your name in the snow.
So can I, its called a stick. -_-

25. You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.
I do this all the time.

26. Everything on your face stays its original color.
Makeup is pointless.

27. Chocolate is just another snack.
Not really, it's an addiction to both sexes.

28. You can be president.
So can I.

29. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
So can I.

30. Flowers fix everything.
Flowers are the worst sign of love or apology. What better way to tell your woman that the apology is worthless than a flower that DIES in a week -_-

31. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
Wuss, im at the 98 percentile.

32. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
I own 2, Steel toed boots and slip on sandals, the utilitarian cork bottom style.

33. Foreplay is optional.
And?

34. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
I get more attention when I do it. :)

35. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
Neither do I.

36. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
So does mine...I work on my own car. -_-

37. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
I dont cut my hair so its rather pointless.

38. You can watch a game in silence with your buddies for hours on end without thinking about anything.
Hardly silent.

39. The world is your urinal.
Actually it was anyones urinal til the invention of civilized toiletry

40. You get to jump up and slap stuff.
Used to do that.

41. One mood, all the time.
Lies.

42. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
Why would I want to look like Clint Eastwood?

43. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too scary.
Never had a problem.

44. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
Yep.

45. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
Do this anyways. shorts and jeans.

46. Same work... more pay.
No Work...Get Paid More.

47. Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
Asthetics again. lame.

48. Wedding dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
see #19

49. With 40 million sperm per shot, you could double the earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
By then you'd be impregnating your own children....incest is NOT sexy.

50. The remote is yours and yours alone.
Yep, its my TV.

51. People never glance at your chest when you are talking to them.
At least I know they're focused on Something.

52. ESPN's sports center.
Yeah cause seniors Bachi Ball is so interesting.

53. Bachelor parties whomp ass over bridal showers.
Not really, I plan things like a man would. Strippers and all.

54. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
Lies.

55. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
Let'em

56. Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
I'm already a pervert, whats the difference other than male and female?

57. You can rationalize any behaviour with the handy phrase "**** it"
Use it often.

58. If another guy shows up at the party wearing the same outift, you might become lifelong buddies.
No woman would show up dressed as me.

59. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood.
see #31 Also, I thought you only had 1 mood. uh huh

60. You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
Actually it is quite funy

61. If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.
Good stress relief

62. Pornos are designed with your mind in mind.
Pornos are designed with comedy in mind.

63. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.
I dont do that anyways.

64. Your pals can be trusted to never trap you with,
" So... notice anything different?"
Lies, its happened before with straight men and cars so dont give me that BS

65. Baywatch
Nothing wrong with admiring the human form.

66. There is always a game on somewhere.
rather watch porn.

Pwnted.

If y'all males only knew what the majority of the women in the world were like...

[Cartesiantheater]

60. You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.


I've actually done that...




If y'all males only knew what the majority of the women in the world were like...

Funny, we're discussing some of that in THIS (http://www.armageddononline.org/forums/showthread.php?t=9739) thread :D

[DontBeAfraid]

I steal the mens room when this happens. :)you know we pee on the seat.... and sink.... and floor.... and sometimes the toilet paper.... on purpose.


So can I, its called a stick. -_-Its not the same sense of satisfaction Im sure.


Yes. ...... have I told you how much I like you?

[Kongming]

The thing is..in my opinion, these lists always seem to suck because they always involve crap I don't like or care about. The men they seem to talk about are the people I dislike. My opinions, for example:

4. Monday Night Football.
I hate American football. I like football/soccer, but not American football (unless I'm playing).

17. You never have to clean the toilet.
Really? Ok then...

21. The National College Cheerleading Championship.
In my opinion, this is stupid shit.

25. You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.
Why? Seems pretty stupid to me.

26. Everything on your face stays its original color.
Not necessarily.

31. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
Not true (in my case anyway)...for me it's more like 0.5% of my waking hours..

32. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
Sometimes...I'd like more, and I have three pairs already.

38. You can watch a game in silence with your buddies for hours on end without thinking about anything.
How...stop thinking? That doesn't happen to me...

52. ESPN's sports center.
Ugh...no.

56. Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
..First, why is that good? Second, I don't think so.

57. You can rationalize any behaviour with the handy phrase "**** it"
..If my brain is not functioning maybe, but as long as I've a functioning brain I can
argue/rationalize/discuss something utilizing complete thoughts.

59. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood.
Why not? Maybe not every man is obsessed with sex.

61. If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.
That seems pretty stupid to me. I'd be better off fixing it.

65. Baywatch
Crap to me.

66. There is always a game on somewhere.
Maybe a crap game like baseball, basketball, or American football. I dislike watching them all. The only thing I like to watch is football/soccer.

The others I didn't include are fine, but these, in my opinion, suck.

I dunno though...I guess I'm just weird...

[DontBeAfraid]

He really should have specified... its 66 reasons its good to be straight man.


65. Baywatch
Crap to me.You are gay.


59. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood.
Why not? Maybe not every man is obsessed with sex.you are gay.


52. ESPN's sports center.
Ugh...no.you are gay


38. You can watch a game in silence with your buddies for hours on end without thinking about anything.
How...stop thinking? That doesn't happen to me...you are gay.


32. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
Sometimes...I'd like more, and I have three pairs already.wow, super gay.


31. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
Not true (in my case anyway)...for me it's more like 0.5% of my waking hours..hmm, gay or castrated.


21. The National College Cheerleading Championship.
In my opinion, this is stupid shit.you are gay.


4. Monday Night Football.
I hate American football. I like football/soccer, but not American football (unless I'm playing).Soccer? what are you, gay?


kongming, this post is in jest..... but really, you are gay right?

[Smoke]

you know we pee on the seat.... and sink.... and floor.... and sometimes the toilet paper.... on purpose.

Its not the same sense of satisfaction Im sure.

...... have I told you how much I like you?

hahahah that was funny...............ahh damn....

[bbbv3.5]

DBA..you just posted the single best post I have ever read. Cheers.

[Skynet12]

*Walks in from sunny beach. Looks back at thread, walks straightly form the door with arms straight out. Disappears behind golden dunes never to be seen again...*

[Demonskates]

1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
I dont use the phone so, this one is pointless

2. You know stuff about cars.
I'm the mechanic in the relationship.

3. A five day vacation only requires one suitcase.
I only own a carry on suitcase.

4. Monday Night Football.
Depends on who's playing

5. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
I steal the mens room when this happens. :)

6. Old friends don't give you crap if you have lost or gained weight.
I dont have old friends.

7. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
Neither is mine, I dont work.

8. All your orgasms are real.
So are mine. Why lie?

9. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
Who said this?

10. Guys in hockey masks don't attack you.
I like kicking their asses though, so bring it.

11. You don't have to lug a bunch of stuff around everywhere you go.
If it doesnt fit in my pocket, its not worth carrying, unless its from Best Buy.

12. Your last name stays put.
Women CAN keep their last name, its usually the men who whine when they want to keep it.

13. You can kill your own food.
So can I.

14. The garage is all yours.
See #2

15. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
I could care less.

16. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
Yes.

17. You never have to clean the toilet.
Then you have a rank ass bathroom. Sorry bachelors.

18. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
I take less time than some men I know.

19. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Weddings are useless.

20. Your underwear is $10 for a threepack.
Dont bitch when a woman wears the 3pack panties then.

21. The National College Cheerleading Championship.
Those are fun, I like seeing them land on their asses.

22. You don't have to shave below your neck.
Neither do we, but it is more comfortable being hairless.

23. If you are 34 and single nobody notices.
Not true.

24. You can write your name in the snow.
So can I, its called a stick. -_-

25. You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.
I do this all the time.

26. Everything on your face stays its original color.
Makeup is pointless.

27. Chocolate is just another snack.
Not really, it's an addiction to both sexes.

28. You can be president.
So can I.

29. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
So can I.

30. Flowers fix everything.
Flowers are the worst sign of love or apology. What better way to tell your woman that the apology is worthless than a flower that DIES in a week -_-

31. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
Wuss, im at the 98 percentile.

32. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
I own 2, Steel toed boots and slip on sandals, the utilitarian cork bottom style.

33. Foreplay is optional.
And?

34. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
I get more attention when I do it. :)

35. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
Neither do I.

36. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
So does mine...I work on my own car. -_-

37. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
I dont cut my hair so its rather pointless.

38. You can watch a game in silence with your buddies for hours on end without thinking about anything.
Hardly silent.

39. The world is your urinal.
Actually it was anyones urinal til the invention of civilized toiletry

40. You get to jump up and slap stuff.
Used to do that.

41. One mood, all the time.
Lies.

42. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
Why would I want to look like Clint Eastwood?

43. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too scary.
Never had a problem.

44. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
Yep.

45. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
Do this anyways. shorts and jeans.

46. Same work... more pay.
No Work...Get Paid More.

47. Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
Asthetics again. lame.

48. Wedding dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
see #19

49. With 40 million sperm per shot, you could double the earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
By then you'd be impregnating your own children....incest is NOT sexy.

50. The remote is yours and yours alone.
Yep, its my TV.

51. People never glance at your chest when you are talking to them.
At least I know they're focused on Something.

52. ESPN's sports center.
Yeah cause seniors Bachi Ball is so interesting.

53. Bachelor parties whomp ass over bridal showers.
Not really, I plan things like a man would. Strippers and all.

54. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
Lies.

55. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
Let'em

56. Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
I'm already a pervert, whats the difference other than male and female?

57. You can rationalize any behaviour with the handy phrase "**** it"
Use it often.

58. If another guy shows up at the party wearing the same outift, you might become lifelong buddies.
No woman would show up dressed as me.

59. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood.
see #31 Also, I thought you only had 1 mood. uh huh

60. You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
Actually it is quite funy

61. If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.
Good stress relief

62. Pornos are designed with your mind in mind.
Pornos are designed with comedy in mind.

63. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.
I dont do that anyways.

64. Your pals can be trusted to never trap you with,
" So... notice anything different?"
Lies, its happened before with straight men and cars so dont give me that BS

65. Baywatch
Nothing wrong with admiring the human form.

66. There is always a game on somewhere.
rather watch porn.

Pwnted.

If y'all males only knew what the majority of the women in the world were like...

You mean there are more of you that think like you do???!!!! God bless America.