Rude Jokes

[CandyGirl]

A flat chested lady walked into my dairy looking for a job.
I said, "Sorry love, you can't work here you've got no tits."
She said, "You sexist pig." I said, "It's not that love, everyone knows women with no tits are no good at producing milk."

[Fut004]

What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown costume

[CandyGirl]

What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown costume

thats just gross, you been talkin to gg too much!

[olddragon]

What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown costume

Not Funny !

[CandyGirl]

Not Funny !

http://i246.photobucket.com/albums/g...es/Wolfman.gif

i agree, i said rude jokes, not sick jokes!

[Fut004]

C'mon guys, lighten up a little. They're just words on a screen, besides I assumed you were looking for jokes that pushed the limits a little.

[Rabid1]

C'mon guys, lighten up a little. They're just words on a screen, besides I assumed you were looking for jokes that pushed the limits a little.

Right, and don't make me dig up my "1001 Dead Babies" Joke book.

[Fut004]

Right, and don't make me dig up my "1001 Dead Babies" Joke book.

You bought a book about it? You should have saved your money, there's a website you know: Dead Baby Jokes.

[Nu Kua]

from an email:

Did you hear about the guy who was in a bar about as drunk as its possible to get.

A group of guys notice his condition and decide to be good Samaritans and take him home.

First they stand him up to get to his wallet so they can find out where he lives, but he keeps falling down.

He fell down eight more times on the way to the car, each time with a real thud.

After they get to his house, he falls down another four times getting him to the door.

His wife comes to the door, and one guy says, "We brought your husband."

The wife asks, "Where's his wheelchair?"

~~~~~~~~~~~

This is OK because the guy who sent it to me is actually paraplegic. :)

[calliope]

C'mon guys, lighten up a little. They're just words on a screen, besides I assumed you were looking for jokes that pushed the limits a little.

Indeed ~ words on a screen....this reminded me of something the lovely proffett composed quite a while ago:

Originally Posted by calliope
And just think of all the people waiting to hear what you have to say! I think it's good.

Indeed! I know they are simply words on a screen, but what profound effects they can have upon another person is quite undeniable.

(or the spoken words on the sites...)

Quite...it's an energy connection that transcends the space/time boundaries...which is also a good reason to safeguard the energy surrounding your 'puter with protective energy techniques. A good crystal for this purpose is black tourmaline.

I've often had my energy drained and manipulated from cyber-interactions.

There also is some fine energy to be had in the form of kindness and caring from your cyber-friends. :)

You also can send caring/healing/protecive energy through your interactions on the web. It's really true. ;)

Proffett's response, replete with such profound wisdom....I thought was relevent here.

Originally Posted by calliope

Quite...it's an energy connection that transcends the space/time boundaries...which is also a good reason to safeguard the energy surrounding your 'puter with protective energy techniques. A good crystal for this purpose is black tourmaline.

I've often had my energy drained and manipulated from cyber-interactions.
Are you reading my mind today? At any rate, I recently purchased this beautiful amethyst pendant, that I blessed and consecrated as a psychic awareness and healing charm. I have found, in just the few days I have had it, how different I am when it is on compared to removed.

It is very easy to get worked up on over the internet, sometimes, I think, because we don't have the non verbal cues to rely on and things can come across wrong or be misconstrued. This, IMO, makes it ever more difficult and stressful, especially when dealing with controversial issues that many are passionate about in one way or another.

It's always good to view things as objectively as possible but when that fails, one should step away and reassess their own views and beliefs and affirm and strengthen their ideologies or perhaps adjust them accordingly. We are, after all, ever evolving and by learning, discussing and debating we grow, emotionally and spiritually.

As for protective energy, I am a huge fan of sacred space. Even just a small prayer or thought and visualizing white light, it's calming and good for clarity as well as a feeling of security.

There also is some fine energy to be had in the form of kindness and caring from your cyber-friends. :)

You also can send caring/healing/protecive energy through your interactions on the web. It's really true. ;)

Yes!! I have witnessed this work so many times. A note, a thought, a PM or a comment of appreciation, respect or gratitude can go along way in helping someone or making someone feel special. Even just a comment to someone saying you're thinking about them is all it takes and sometimes it could change the attitude of the person receiving the message for the better.

We have such power to influence others through our words, that if more people extended a caring thought, a insightful phrase or a simple well wish, well, we have the ability to alter the world, just by virtually smiling. It just takes one person to tip the first domino. Or my favorite metaphor, your flame, however small, can ignite a massive blaze..

Not a joke, I know....sorry! Though it reminded me of this lovely jewel from proffett. But relevant here, nonetheless.

[CandyGirl]

I'm sick of being pulled up for my poor spelling on here - so I can't spell armagedon - it's not the end of the fucking world!

[CandyGirl]

What did the cyclone say to the coconut palm?


"Hang onto your nuts this is no ordinary blow job!"

[olddragon]

A young man from Mississippi comes over into Alabama and is promptly caught in a sexual act with a goat.

He is quickly taken to the local jail and locked up.
The head guard tells him that in the state of Alabama his behavior is frowned upon and he faces trial.
He has two choices for defense attorney.
The first is the smartest attorney in the state, graduated from Harvard, and knows the law inside and out.
The second attorney graduated from the University of Alabama and is widely thought to have had his head rattled from too many hits playing football for the Crimson Tide..... but he is also known for his skill at picking a jury.

The man thinks about it for a second, and being that he is from a small town and not that bright himself, chooses the second defense attorney.

3 weeks later they are in trial.
The prosecuting attorney calls his first witness.
The very woman that caught the man from Mississippi in the act. Ma'am, can you tell the court exactly what you saw?
"Yes sir, I saw that young man (pointing at the accused) fornicating with one of my husband's goats, and when he was finished,
the goat turned around and licked him clean!"

At this point, the jury foreman turns to the jury member closest to him and says " You know, a good goat will do that for you"

[CandyGirl]

Being gay must be a pain in the butt.

[CandyGirl]

Man: Bumholes are like marmite.
Woman: What, you either love 'em or you hate 'em?
Man: No, they're brown and sticky.

[CandyGirl]

To prevent people from tapping into my wireless, I just renamed the wireless to 'police surveillance van #2'

[CandyGirl]

I found a feather in my pubes

Must have had a bird down there?

[CandyGirl]

I call weed the quran, because burning that shit will get you stoned.

[custompainter]

DBA and CT were walking down the street one day when they come across a big dog laying in a yard licking his balls. They stop and watch for a minute or two when DBA looks at CT and says... "Man I wish I could do that!" CT looks at the dog licking his balls and then looks at DBA and says... "I Dont know man he looks pretty mean, I'd pet him first!"

[CandyGirl]

One day, Little Suzy goes swimming in the lake with her grandmother. After they get out they go to shower.

"Grandma" Little Suzy asks, pointing between her grandmother's legs. "What's that?"

"Oh," her grandmother replies. "That's my beaver, dear."



The next day Little Suzy goes swimming with her mother, and they go showering afterwards too. "Mommy, is that your beaver?" asks the girl.

"Er, yes it is, Suzy. Where did you learn that?" her mother answers.

"From Grandma. But I think hers is dead because its tongue was sticking out."

[david134]

Nu That was rude crude and very insensaitive, I loved it .Got to rember that one.

[DontBeAfraid]

DBA and CT were walking down the street one day when they come across a big dog laying in a yard licking his balls. They stop and watch for a minute or two when DBA looks at CT and says... "Man I wish I could do that!" CT looks at the dog licking his balls and then looks at DBA and says... "I Dont know man he looks pretty mean, I'd pet him first!"

HAHAHAHa... seriously lol.

[custompainter]

HAHAHAHa... seriously lol.

Glad you liked it. Also glad to see you have a sense of humor after all! lol

[Rabid1]

Little Johnny lost his arms and legs in a tragic lawnmower accident and about a year after getting out of the hospital his doctor decided to check up on him.

Dr -How have you been Johnny?

J - All things considered great doc. My parents have been really helpful and they convinced me that this didn't mean my life was over. I even joined a baseball team.

Dr -That's great Johnny, I told you when you were in the hospital there were a lot of activities for kids with special needs.

J - No this is a regular team doc.

Dr - Johnny that is great what position?

J - 3rd base.

Dr -Come one Johnny, even with the best prostheses you couldn't possibly play 3rd base.

J- Play? No doc, I AM 3rd base.

[custompainter]

Ok I think we all know the "guy with no arms and no legs" jokes. Ill start off with a few.


Q.What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool?
A. BOB

Q.Waht do you call a guy with no arms or legs in the bushes?
A. Russel

Q. What do you call a guy with no arms or legs on the wall?
A. ART

Q. What do you call a guy with no arms or legs on your porch?
A. Matt

Q.What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in a hole in the ground?
A. Phil

Q. What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in a tree?
A. Fucked lol